


The Kinks

by ashandcas (ashriddle4)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Cas POV, Cock Warming, Collars, Comeplay, Dean Cooks, Dean in Panties, Dean's never been with a man before Cas, Dirty Talk, Dom Dean, Dom/sub Play, Fluff and Smut, Food Kink, Foot Massage, M/M, Mostly top dean but they do switch, Pancakes!, Restraints, Rimming, Rough Sex, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Sounding, Spanking, Strangers to Lovers, Sub Castiel, Talk of Fisting, There's a lot of things in this I'll add more as I go, Top Drop, also don't use this as guide to sounding, boot licking, dirty sex like with actual dirt and mud yes this a thing, leash, size!kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-03-23 07:44:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3760180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashriddle4/pseuds/ashandcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas are part of a program that matches doms and subs who've never met for a week away together to play. Dean requested a woman, but due to a clerical error it's Cas that shows up at his door instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first real foray into BDSM. I'm trying my very best to be as honest and respectful of the practice as possible. I mean the whole program they're in is probably not the best idea IRL but the actual BDSM stuff between Dean and Cas will all be safe, sane and consensual. They're very, very good to each other in this. I'll put more warnings and notes in each chapter and add to the tags.

Cas knocked on the cabin door, a duffle bag hanging over his shoulder. A few moments later the door squeaked open.

A Black Sabbath t-shirt clung to a man’s large biceps and chest, but hung looser around his flat stomach. The hem of the shirt sat just above the waistband of his jeans and skimmed the brass button over the fly. He was tall, broad-shouldered with large hands and thick wrists, the left one collared by a silver watch.

“Who are you?” the man asked.

Cas swallowed. Maybe he hadn’t thought this all the way through. A week – a whole week – in a cabin in the Rockies with a strange man who he was going to let dominate him. What was he thinking? If anyone in his family (besides Gabriel) knew about this, they’d disown him.

“Seriously, dude,” the guy asked again. “I’ve got someone coming so either tell me what you’re selling or get off my front porch.

Cas hunched over to keep himself in the doorframe and out of the torrential downpour going on outside. He finally mustered the courage to look at the man’s face. He had swamp green eyes, a smattering of freckles, just the perfect amount of golden stubble and a jawline that could cut through solid steel.

“Uh, I think you may be waiting for me.” Nerves caused a slight tremor in Cas’s voice.

The man’s brow furrowed. “No. I’m waiting for a woman.”

“A woman?” Cas squinted.

“Yeah, buddy. A woman. Pretty hair, boobs, the whole package. You’ve seen a woman before, right?”

“Yes, of course I’ve seen a woman before. What does that have to do with-“

Dean ran a hand through his hair. “I think there’s been some sort of a mix up.”

“There has?”

“You’re part of the, um, program, right?”

Cas nodded.

“Yeah, me too. Thing is, pal – I asked for a woman.”

“Oh.” It took a moment for what Dean said to register. “Ohh. I’ll go.”

“Wait, dude. Rain like that’s gonna flood the river and wash out the roads. No one is getting in or out of here till at least Monday.”

Cas’s stomach dropped.

“I’m so sorry…” Cas went to say the man’s name before realizing he didn’t know it. He really hadn’t thought this through, had he? There was a long and arduous vetting process for the ‘program’ but even still.

“Dean.” The man supplied with a smile.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I’m Castiel, but just Cas is fine.”

“Well Just Cas, don’t cry over spilt milk. Get inside before you drown.”

Cas hesitated, but then stepped through the door into Dean’s – ( _Dean_ Cas liked that name a lot – it was simple, earthy, a man’s name) cabin. Dean shut the door and bent over to pick up a stray leaf. When Cas saw the way his dark blue jeans gripped Dean’s well-defined ass, he had never in his life been more disappointed that another man was straight.

“I really don’t want to impose.” Cas glanced around the man’s cabin as he sat down his duffle. It was poorly decorated with thrift store furniture and movie posters like _Rocky_ and _Raiders of the Lost Ark._ Still, it was very clean and well kept with pillows, rugs, a collection of DVDs and a stack of car magazines. It seemed like the kind of place a Dean would live. Cas liked it.

“Ah, well, that’s all right. My weekend plans got cancelled.”

Cas looked at Dean, his heart racing at the sight of Dean’s tongue swiping out and licking his lower lip. “Mine too,” Cas looked away. “It smells good in here. What is that?”

“Oh, it’s a pot roast. I was making it for- well, you know.”

“You cook?”

Dean nodded. “Used to do it for my little brother after my mom passed so he could have something to eat other than Spaghetti-Os, Cherrios and Doritos. Just trying to venture beyond the O family.”

Even though Cas didn’t know the man, he felt a pang of sadness in his chest for the man’s loss. He had to have been very strong and brave to take care of his little brother under circumstances like that.

“I’m sure he appreciated it very much.”

Dean snorted. “You don’t have a little brother, do you?”

“I have older brothers. None of them ever cooked for me. Though, Gabriel used to put laxatives in my chocolate milk.”

“That’s something,” Dean said sarcastically. “You can have some roast if you’d like. I promise it’s laxative free.”

Cas smiled and followed Dean into the small kitchen. It was clean too, with faux wood countertops and cabinets. There was a little café table by the window with a copper lantern for a centerpiece. Cas knew how much this program cost. Dean didn’t look like the type who could afford it. Truth was, Cas would’ve liked it a lot had Dean been into men. Most of Cas’s experiences with doms were rich men like Crowley and Balthazar who thought their fancy clothes, houses and yachts could buy and keep Cas’s submission. It hadn’t worked.

“Thank you. I’d love some. And also thank you for your hospitality. You certainly don’t have to accommodate me like this.”

“Well, I ain’t gonna let you wash away in the river. Now, sit down at the table. What would you like to drink? Beer, water, Vanilla Coke?” Dean’s voice had a commanding tone to it that made Cas shiver. It would never happen, but he wanted it badly. Wanted to hear that voice say, “On your knees. Suck me. Bend over.” Cas’s face flushed. He did not want Dean to know what he was thinking. Cas sat down quickly at the café table and folded his hands in his lap.

“Coke, please,” he said softly.

Dean poured him a glass of coke with a few cubes of ice and handed Cas a large bowl of roast on a mound of mashed potatoes with a fork sticking out of it. Dean sat down across from Cas with his own bowl and a bottle of Coors.

“Go ahead,” Dean said.

Cas blinked and then did as told, taking at big bite of the roast. It was savory with hints of rosemary, thyme and something sweet Cas couldn’t place. Apple, maybe? Cas moaned around the fork as he licked it clean. Dean stiffened across from him and then took a bite of his own, those green eyes watching Cas intently. It made him shiver.

How was Cas going to get through this weekend without losing his mind? How would he even get through tonight?

 

. . .

 

“I’ve only got one room so you’ll have to bunk on the couch if that’s all right?” Dean asked, returning from a small linen closet with a stack of sheets and quilts. He sat them down on the fake leather sofa.

“That’s more than all right, Dean. I truly appreciate this.”

Dean shrugged. “There’s more blankets in that closet if you get cold. The bathroom is the first door on the right. You have everything you need like toothbrushes, shampoo?”

Cas pointed to the duffle bag he’d left by the door when he first came in. “Yeah, I was planning to stay for quite awhile. So I should have everything.”

“Uh, that’s, um, good. My bedroom’s the other door that’s not the bathroom. If you need anything, just knock.”

“Thanks again, Dean.”

“No problem, Cas.”

Dean started walking toward the hallway when Cas stopped him with his voice, “I really am sorry – that I wasn’t who you wanted me to be.”

“It’s okay. We’ll get the kinks worked out as soon as we can.”

“Right. Good night, Dean.”

“Night, Cas.”

Cas watched Dean disappear down the hall. For some reason, Dean didn’t wait until he was all the way into his bedroom before pulling off that tight t-shirt and revealing his smooth, tan, muscled back. Cas forced himself to look away, change out of his day clothes, put the linens on the couch and go to sleep.

That night he dreamed of strong hands, of aches and fullness, of swamp green eyes.

 

. . .

 

Cas woke up to the sound of Dean on the telephone. It was a cordless house phone since cell phones didn’t work this far into the mountains.

“What do you mean you can’t do anything about it? I asked for a woman and a dude shows up on my doorstep. That’s your oversight…I don’t want my money back, I want…I was on the waiting list for five months. I took these two weeks off…this was my whole vacation…Hello? Hello? Dammit. They hung up on me.”

Cas rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. “Everything all right?” he asked with a yawn.

“They said I can’t get another sub until next year, which I guess is fine because I’m gonna have to wait until then to accumulate more vacation time.”

“I’m really sorry, Dean.”

Dean shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Cas. You’re probably in the same boat.”

“I will have to call them and ask.”

“Feel free to use my phone, but I was on hold for almost an hour this morning already. You’d think they’d have better customer service.”

Cas slid off the couch, his bare feet hitting the rug. He was wearing boxers and a “Bee Happy” cartoon honeybee t-shirt. Gabriel was the only one that knew about this and he’d slipped the shirt into Cas’s duffle with the note “Some sexy lingerie for you, little bro”. Cas didn’t expect to be wearing the shirt but now he was happy Gabe had shoved it in there.

“Come drink a cup of coffee,” Dean said.

Without thinking, Cas followed the order and Dean’s voice into the kitchen. Dean was leaning against the counter with a mug of coffee in his hands. He wore black jeans that clung tightly to his bowlegs and a white t-shirt with black grease stains across the front. It was thin enough Cas could see Dean’s nipples through the fabric. Cas thought of the time he saw his Uncle Zachariah in a speedo to will away his erection.

When Dean caught sight of Cas, he blinked a few times, looked him up and down and then cleared his throat.

Cas glanced down at himself. “Sorry, I can go get dressed.”

“No,” Dean said a bit too quickly. “You don’t have to. Sit.”

Cas sat at the kitchen table.

“How do you like your coffee?”

“Cream, two sugars.”

Dean made Cas’s coffee to order and sat down across from him at the table. Cas took a sip of the coffee that Dean had made perfectly.

“Thanks.”

Dean half-smiled, but said nothing else. He just kept his eyes on Cas for a little too long to be normal.

“Is everything all right, Dean?”

“You’re gay?” he blurted.

Cas paused a moment and then replied, “I usually prefer men, but I like women too. It depends.”

“How experienced are you with all this? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“With this particular program?” Cas answered, “Or with BDSM in general?”

“Both, I guess.”

“This is my first time with the program, but I’ve played with boyfriends and girlfriends in the past. What about you?”

“Same, except for the boyfriends thing. I’ve done clubs too, but I don’t know. Something about the extended, total immersion thing, of this program really appealed to me, you know?”

“I do. That’s one of the reasons I signed up.”

Dean tightened his grip on his coffee mug. “Right…hey, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

“This might sound crazy, but since neither one of us can, you know, just get a different partner, do you think that maybe we could? Just make it work with, you know, each other?”

Cas almost dropped the coffee mug. He somehow managed to set it down properly.

“You’re straight, Dean.”

“I never said that.”

“So you’ve been with men?”

Dean looked down at the table and whispered, “I never said that.”

“Dean.”

“Look, Cas. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it. Not like I’ve never been attracted to a man. It’s just - I never acted on it. I mean I normally liked women and why complicate things? My mom was gone. My dad would’ve been pissed, probably kicked me out and then there was Sammy I couldn’t not be there for Sammy-“

“Dean.”

Dean’s head fell into his hands and then he looked back up at Cas. “Sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to dump all that on you like that. Jesus, I’m acting strange.” Dean stood up from the table, nearly knocking his chair over.

“It’s okay. I understand, but Dean, I don’t want to do anything you’d feel uncomfortable doing.”

“Wait you’re saying. You could be interested in me?”

Cas laughed. Was this man serious? Of course, he was interested. “Am I interested? Have you seen you? Besides, you’re kind and funny and charitable. And, like you said, we’re stuck here, might as well make the most of it.”

Dean let out a shaky breath and then smiled. “Go get dressed. I’ll make us some real breakfast and then we can have the discussion we were meant to have last night.”

Cas’s heart was pounding so hard he could hear each pulse in his ears.

“Yes, Dean,” Cas said and he hurried into the living room to do as he was told in complete disbelief.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always gonna give an update on Thursdays, but occasionally I'll give a extra update as well, like I'm doing now. Here's some actual smut for you guys. Hope you enjoy! :)

When Cas returned in jeans and a button down, he sat down to a ham and cheese omelet Dean made him. While eating, they discussed safe words (Kansas for Dean, Illinois for Cas) acts they weren’t interested in, (For example, Cas didn’t like being called a ‘whore’, ‘slut’, or ‘bitch’ and Dean said he didn’t get turned on by that kind of thing either, which was probably one of the reasons they got matched up in the program, despite the whole gender mix-up) and safe-sex. (To be a part of the program, they had to be tested on several occasions over the course of the year for STDs and sign a contract saying they’d been safe with every partner you’d been with in that year. Because of this, they were both okay with forgoing the use of a condom.)

They also talked about things they were interested in. Like Cas wearing a collar. Something they both found they wanted.

“What about a leash?” Dean asked.

Cas flushed hot at the thought. “I’ve never…but I’d like to try it.”

Dean smiled and nodded.

They also agreed on the collar being a sign of whether or not they were playing. They’d probably play most of the time, that was the point of the program, but if either one wanted or needed a break, taking off the collar would be the sign of that.

Cas could see Dean’s hand was shaking so he reached across the table and touched it gently. “You sure about this?” he asked quietly.

Dean took a deep breath and said, “I’m very sure. I’ll be back with something.”

Cas waited in the kitchen for Dean to return. When Dean did, Cas’s heart launched into his throat, Dean had a light pink leather collar in his hands.

“Look, man. I know it’s pink, but I thought- if you don’t want to wear it, I more than understand.”

Cas snatched the pink collar out of Dean’s hands. “I like pink.”

Dean laughed quietly. “Good. May I put it on?”

Cas trembled as he nodded. He couldn’t believe he was getting what he came here for after all. Dean’s calloused fingers scratched on Cas’s softer ones as he took the collar back from Cas.

“You sure?” Dean asked again.

“Yes, Dean.”

Dean brushed his thumb over Cas’s cheekbone and then fastened the pretty pink collar onto Cas’s neck.

“Take off your clothes and meet me in the living room, baby.”

“Yes…”

“Sir. You call me sir.”

“Yes, sir.”

Dean smiled and touched Cas’s bottom lip with his thumb. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

Cas shook his head. “No, sir.”

When Dean left the kitchen, Cas hurried to comply with his instructions, removing his clothes at the fastest rate he could manage. Soon enough, Cas was left in nothing but his bare skin and the pink collar.

Trembling with anticipating and nerves, Cas slipped into the living room, his feet patting softly across the rugs and the brief interludes of hardwood floor. When Cas caught Dean looking at him, he turned away.

“Don’t hide yourself from me, baby.”

Cas swallowed and forced his arms to drop to his sides and not hide from his dom.

“Come sit at my feet, and I’ll tell you how you can be good for me.”

Cas made it over to Dean and sat crosslegged between Dean’s feet. Dean, who was still completely dressed in his black jeans and dirty white t-shirt. Cas’s mouth went dry just from looking at him.

“Good boy,” Dean said. “The first thing I need you to remember is not to speak without permission. Anything besides your safe word, of course.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Baby, did I say you could speak?”

“No, sir.”

“ _Cas._ ” There was a bite to Dean’s tone that made Cas jump. He opened his mouth to say sorry, but then realized his dom hadn’t given him permission to apologize and shut his mouth tight.

“There you go, baby. Good job. You can reply to the rest of these rules, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You don’t get on any of the furniture without permission or in the bed without permission. I’ll make sure you’re properly fed and you get time to clean up.”

Dean held up a pink plug. “You’ll wear this while you’re here. I need you to be ready for me. We’ll go put it in when we’re done talking here, okay?”

Cas didn’t look down at it, but he knew his dick was at full attention between his legs. Dean could stick pretty much anything inside him and Cas would beg for it.

“Baby, do you love having things in your ass?”

Cas blushed. “Y-yes, sir.”

“Good.”

“What about here?” Dean’s thumb skimmed over the slit of Cas’s cock, and Cas’s whole body went red.

It was something Cas had never done and wasn’t entirely sure about. Seeing as Dean had never been with another man, he was surprised to hear Dean had a urethral sound. Apparently though, it was Dean’s, who had occasionally subbed for women. Dean had said “don’t worry about it”, but Cas had said, “think we could try it?” and Dean had smiled.

“Sir?”

“Yes, Cas.”

“Will you leave the sound in like you leave the plug in, sir?” Cas really hoped Dean’s answer was no.

“We’ll see, angel.”

Cas’s dick tingled when Dean said angel. Dean grinned.

“You like angel better than baby?”

Cas swallowed. “Yes, sir.”

“How about I call you angel when you’re really good?”

Cas smiled at that.

“Do you have any questions?”

Cas nodded. “What about punishments?”

“The two main punishments you’ll receive are the ball gag and spanking, but it depends on the situation.”

“Yes, sir.”

Dean gently stroked Cas’s hair and Cas leaned into the touch.

“I’m gonna train you, okay baby? I’m gonna teach you how to be good for me, how to do as I say, exactly as I say, and to trust me. It’ll be good. I’ll take care of you.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Give me your safe word.”

“Illinois.”

“Mine is Kansas.”

“Yes, sir.”

Dean pulled out a leash from under the side table and attached it to Cas’s collar and tugged on it gently.

“Come on. Let’s go to my bedroom. I want to get a better look at you.”

 

 

Dean’s bedroom was softly lit from the open window. There was no one around for miles so it didn’t matter that the blue curtains were drawn back. Dean directed Cas to lie back on the beige suede comforter that covered his queen-sized bed. Once Cas did, Dean leaned forward and unsnapped the leash from Cas’s collar.

Dean’s eyes lingered across Cas’s whole body. His fingers skimmed over Cas’s hands and arms to his neck and chest. Goosebumps erupted across Cas’s flesh as those wide, scarred hands touched Cas’s soft skin, sliding down to his thighs, skirting over the dark hair and missing his cock entirely.

Cas let out a little disappointed huff of air.

“I’ll touch you there when I touch you there, baby. Don’t rush me.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Cas whispered.

“Did I say you could speak?”

Cas shook his head.

“Turn over. Lift your ass into the air.”

He rolled over onto his stomach and pulled his knees in, exposing his ass to Dean. Dean grabbed his cheeks and pulled them apart, showing him not only to Dean, but to the open window. Cas started shaking. Hard.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Cas couldn’t form words.

“Tell me what’s wrong. Do you need to safe word?”

“No, no, I.” Cas hesitated. Not sure if he wanted to say how he felt, but his dom had just given him an order. “What if you realize that you don’t like men? And then you don’t want me?”

“Trust me, baby,” Dean said, rubbing his thumb along Cas’s rim. “I’m realizing the exact opposite.” Dean kept softly petting him there. “It’s so pretty and pink, just like your collar.” He prods at it with his finger. “Tight, though, but by the end of this week, I’m gonna get my whole hand up there. What do you say to that?”

“N-no, sir.”

“Excuse me?”

“No. I don’t want you too. It’ll hurt.”

Dean paused and laid a gentle hand between Cas’s shoulder blades. He was waiting to see if Cas would use his safeword or give him a warning. Cas wasn’t anywhere near safewording. He just was a little anxious about it and thought maybe a bit of resistance might head Dean in a different direction, one that would challenge him a bit less.

“Sorry, baby. I’m gonna fuck with you my hand. I’ll be gentle and take care of you, but I don’t want to hear another argument about it.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You’ve also done quite a bit of talking out of turn I’m gonna have to punish you for.”

Cas swallowed and braced himself.

“Not now, baby. Later. Right now, I’m gonna get this plug-“ he smacked it against Cas’s thigh- “in your ass and then I’m gonna come on your face, okay?”

Cas knew better than to reply without permission.

“Good boy.”

Dean grabbed lube from the nightstand. Two different bottles. Blue and red. He flipped Cas onto his back.

"Baby, you can choose. Cooling or warming? Talk to me."

Cas gripped Dean's comforter and let out a shallow breath. "C-cooling?"

"That a question?"

"No. I want cooling. Please, sir."

Dean popped open the top of the cooling lube and dribbled some onto his fingers. He pressed his pointer finger against Cas's rim and rubbed gently. The tingly icy sensation made Cas shiver all over.

"I'm gonna push in now," Dean said as the first finger slipped in. Cas hissed. Dean's finger was so thick for just one finger and Cas hadn’t had anything in there in a month. He'd wanted to make this week special. Fuck, he was so damn tight.

Dean pulled his finger out and fucked it back in. Cas bit his lip to keep from keening.

"Oh, angel. You look good like this. You can make noise for me if you want."

"Thank you, sir."

Dean pressed his middle finger in fast enough that it burned. Cas moaned. Dean scissored his fingers and stretched Cas out a little more.

"Please, sir."

"What do you need?"

"More."

"Want a third finger?"

"I want your cock." Cas growled, losing control to the feeling of fullness.

Dean pulled his fingers out quickly and slapped Cas's balls. It stung. Cas gasped, his eyes wide. 

"Sir?"

"When you ask me for things, don’t forget who you're talking to. Ask again.

"Please, sir. I want your cock. I want you inside me, Sir. Please."

"Good boy. Much better. But not yet, baby. You have to wait for my cock. You need a lot more stretching to take it, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

Dean dribbled more lube on his fingers and then worked those three into Cas's hole. "You look so good like this. You're gorgeous as fuck. Fuck yourself back onto my fingers."

It was an awkward angle, but Cas lifted his hips and used his thighs to push himself deeper onto his dom's fingers which pressed right into Cas's prostate.

"Sir!"

"Yeah. Just like that. Keep fucking yourself, baby. God, I’m gonna pound this tight little hole so hard. You're gonna feel me for weeks after we leave."

Cas groaned, so deeply aroused but his legs giving out. "Please, sir."

"Keep going, baby."

Cas wasn’t sure how long he slammed himself onto Dean's hand, but the muscles in his legs trembled and burned. They’d definitely hurt tomorrow. His dick was red, hot and leaking against his stomach. It ached so badly. He needed to touch himself. He needed his dom to touch him.

"Please, sir. It's too much. I need to - please."

"You wanna come? That's fine, baby, but you're gonna do it with just my fingers."

"I cant sir. I've never been able to."

"You're gonna try for me today, angel. Okay?"

"Yes, sir."

Dean pressed down on Cas's stomach so he'd relax on the bed, and took over the thrusts, pressing into Cas's prostate over and over. It felt like nothing had ever felt before. Dean’s fingers were so rough, calloused from years of manual work Cas imagined. Cas briefly thought he’d have to ask Dean later what he did for a living, but then he picked up the pace and Cas’s eyes rolled back. He just let himself feel the little jolts of pleasure that radiated deep through his muscles and tickled across his skin like licks of fire. Quickly, the sensations became too much, much too much, complete overstimulation, but just not the right kind to give him any relief.

Tears pricked at Cas’s eyes. He wanted to do this. To come just on Dean’s fingers. He wanted to be good for his dom, but he just couldn’t. “Please, sir. It’s not- it’s way too much. I can’t- _help me_.”

‘Help me’ seemed to be the right thing to say because Dean’s other hand moved from his thigh to Cas’s dick. Dean inhaled sharply as his fist closed around Cas’s cock. Two pumps of that huge, rough hand and Cas shot his load all over his chest and up onto his chin with a loud, hoarse shout. He really had been close.

Dean pressed the heel of his hand against the bulge in his own jeans. “Damn it, angel. Holy shit.”

Cas smiled as a warm sense of pride filled his chest. He already loved pleasing this dom so much.

“Oh, don’t get too smug yet.” Dean grabbed the pink plug from the nightstand, coated it in lube and pressed it inside Cas. It stretched him just a bit more than Dean’s fingers. He was glad he didn’t have to lose that safe feeling of being filled.

Dean straddled Cas on the bed. The rough denim of his black jeans against Cas’s bare legs. “I hate a mess.” Dean ran those thick fingers, not the one’s that had been in his ass, over the come on Cas’s chest. He played with it for a minute, swirling it over the Cas’s abs, using it to pinch at his dark nipples until they hardened.

Dean scooped some up on his pointed and middle fingers. “So baby. You like the taste of come?”

Cas didn’t answer immediately. “Uh, y-yes?”

Dean shook his head. “Don’t lie to me. I never want you to pretend you like things that you don’t. Sometimes, we’ll do things that aren’t your favorite, but you don’t need to pretend to like them for me. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do you like the taste of come?”

“Not particularly, sir.”

Dean brought his come-covered fingers to Cas’s lips. “Open your mouth.”

Cas hesitated, but then did as he was told. Dean pushed his fingers inside Cas’s mouth and Cas tasted the salty taste of himself on his tongue.

“I have a rule. We make a mess. We clean it up. Sometimes I will clean it up and sometimes you will. That sound fair?”

“Yes, sir.”

Dean scooped up some more come and fed it to Cas, letting Cas suck it off his fingers. Dean continued this until all the come was gone.

Dean let out a shaky breath. Cas could see the erection straining in Dean’s jeans. He wanted to get his hands, his mouth, his ass, his _something_ , on what had to be one fantastic cock.

“Now, I remember promising that I was gonna come on your face.” Dean climbed off the bed. “Roll onto your side, facing me.”

Cas did as commanded.

Dean stood directly in front of Cas’s face, flicked open the button of jeans and pulled down his zipper. His dom, who wasn’t wearing underwear, pulled out one of the biggest dicks Cas had ever seen. It was at least 9 inches long erect.

Cas’s eyes widened.

Dean laughed. It was dark, gruff and perfect. “Yeah, I’m hung. I know, baby.”

Dean grabbed the red bottle and poured some of it on his hand and then he began to stroke himself. Dean’s hand barely made it all the way around. The tip of his massive dick was pointed right at Cas’s face. Cas couldn’t take his eyes off the swollen, nearly purple head, the moist slit where pre-come was slowly leaking out. Cas wanted to stick his tongue out and lick it, but he hadn’t been given permission.

“Can’t wait till I get to fuck you. Till I get to bend you over and pound you. I’ll do it for hours, for as long as it takes to get you sobbing on my dick because it feels so good, because you feel so good, you’re falling apart.”

Cas couldn’t help but whimper at the words coming out his dom’s filthy, perfect mouth. Words Cas wanted Dean to make good on. Dean kept on touching himself, twisting and squeezing his dick that was as big around as Cas’s wrist. Cas watched closely. He wanted to know what Dean liked so he could give it to him.

“Maybe I’ll slip a couple fingers in there too,” Dean groaned. “Really stretch you out, the way you’re meant to be. I could tie you up too. Handcuff you to the bed, make it just tight enough for you to feel it. Oh, God, Cas.” Dean tossed his head back, exposing the long line of his neck, the curve of his Adam’s apple.

Cas’s spent dick gave a little twitch. It was the first time his dom called Cas by his name. He liked it even more than he did Dean calling him ‘angel’.

“You’re gorgeous, Cas. You’re so good.”

Without warning, Dean came in four long spurts all over Cas’s face. It was hot and sticky, clinging to his eyelashes, cheeks and lips. He licked some of it away. It was salty of course and little something else. Cas definitely liked the taste of Dean’s come more than he did his own.

Dean zipped himself back up. “Sit,” he commanded.

Cas followed the instruction, planting his bare feet on the hardwood as he perched on the edge of Dean’s bed. Dean leaned forward and licked Cas’s right cheek, then his left cheek, then his forehead and chin. There wasn’t really anything seductive about it. The licks were serious, almost businesslike. Somehow that made them hotter.

Without a word, Dean left again and returned with a warm white washcloth. He cleaned up Cas’s face and his chest. Then he gently wiped at Cas’s dick and balls and spent some extra time removing the lube at Cas’s entrance that had spilled out where the plug was. Dean tossed the cloth into a laundry basket, grabbed Cas’s leash and hooked it up to his collar again.

Dean tugged gently. “Come on, baby. Let me make you something to eat.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly I have absolutely NO patience so here is another chapter :) Thank you so much for all your kudos and comments. Please comment if you havent yet or if you have. I try (and almost always do) reply to everyone and I just love to hear your thoughts!! Thanks again for being awesome! Here's some smut for your trouble.

Dean gave them both a break – at least a sexual break. Dean made them turkey, bacon and avocado sandwiches with homemade potato chips and sweet tea for lunch. Cas sat on the floor between Dean’s legs as they ate in the living room. Occasionally, Dean would stroke his fingers through Cas’s hair. When they were done, Cas leaned against Dean’s leg for support as they watched re-runs of _Seinfeld._

When the re-runs turned from _Seinfeld_ to _Friends,_ Dean said, “Turn around, baby. Get on your knees.”

Cas quickly complied. Dean unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans again, a sight Cas thought he’d never tire of, and released his soft, but still very large cock. Goddamn his mouth watered.

“Open up.” Dean’s voice was a low, gravelly thing.

Cas’s heart skipped as his mouth opened. He absolutely wanted to give his dom a blow job. To feel that huge cock press against the back of his throat and make it difficult to breathe. It would be an exquisite way to suffocate Cas thought and then shoved the thought away.

“Oh, baby. Don’t get too eager. You’re just gonna be my little cockwarmer.” Dean slid the back of his hand against Cas’s cheekbone. “You keep my big dick in that little mouth of yours for as long as I say and don’t try to get me hard or I’ll have to punish you. The only reason you should take my cock out of your mouth is to safeword. Is that clear? You can answer.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.” Dean pulled Cas’s head down until his open mouth covered his dick. Dean sighed and kept his hand gently on the back of Cas’s head, not holding him down if Cas needed to back off and safeword, just in a comforting sort of way.

Cas relaxed into the touch. Cockwarming was one of his favorite things, though he rarely admitted it. He liked the safe, controlled feeling of having his dom in his mouth. It grounded him somehow. Still, after the first twenty minutes of Dean completely filling his mouth, he was drooling onto Dean’s couch and the Old Spice smell of him was making Cas hard. Cas couldn’t help but suckle a little at the soft dick in his mouth, swirl his tongue around. Dean’s cock started to grow fat and heavy against Cas’s tongue.

Dean stiffened and pulled Cas off his dick. Cas whimpered at the loss.

“What did I say?” Dean’s tone was harsh but even. “You can answer.”

Cas’s stomach dropped as he realized what he’d done. “You told me not to try and get you hard, sir.”

“And what did you do?”

“I sucked you, sir.” Cas looked down, ashamed

Dean sighed, pushing up Cas’s chin with his fingers. “I know you like cock, baby, but you need to follow instructions. I’m gonna have to discipline you.”

Cas shook his head, a bit of fear jolting through him. Discipline with doms was always so different, even though Cas already knew what Dean _wasn’t_ going to do, what he wouldn’t do, as part of their arrangement. It still scared him a bit…that maybe he would ask…

Cas whimpered without even realizing it. He wasn’t sure how Dean knew what Cas was thinking but he did. Like they were bonded somehow. It made Cas shiver. “My cock is never punishment, angel. Don’t be scared of me. You don’t need to be.”

“Yes, Dean.”

Dean opened his mouth like he was going to correct Cas for the use of his real name, but he didn’t.

“Come up here.” Dean patted his lap.

Cas hesitated for a moment, but then climbed onto Dean’s lap. He was shaking. He couldn’t help it.

“Lie down with your ass where I can reach it.”

Trembling, Cas stretched out with his head against the armrest on one side and his legs draping over the other side. Dean’s hand came up and smoothed softly around Cas’s ass.

“Now, baby, I’m gonna spank you. Not just for sucking me, but for speaking out of turn too. ‘Kay? You can answer.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll use my hand today, but I’ve got paddles and whips too. I don’t want to hear anything from you, but your safeword if you need it, understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

Dean didn’t warn Cas before bringing his hand down hard on Cas’s left cheek. Cas gasped. “Can you stay quiet or do I need to get the ball gag?”

Cas tensed. He actually liked being gagged a lot. They had a physical safeword for situations like that – two fingers raised up. Still, Cas didn’t want a gag right now. Mostly because he knew Dean wanted him to try and keep quiet all on his own.

“Answer,” Dean said.

“I can stay quiet.”

Dean brought his hand down again on the same spot. It stung – a lot, but Cas didn’t make a peep.

“Yeah, just like that.”

Dean spanked Cas again and again, and Cas kept the rules of not talking. It burned. He wasn’t sure how he’d be able to sit down, but he wanted Dean to keep spanking him. Something about the pain made him, dizzy, made him almost high. It was one of the reasons he liked subbing so much. A person could sub without physical punishment – without going to lengths of this kind of pain – but this was one of the parts of it that, though the stinging wasn’t the best afterwards, the feeling it gave Cas during was more than worth it.

Dean’s hand changed. It no longer smacked him. Instead, it rubbed gently. “Your ass is red. Not pink, baby. _Red_. I was waiting for you to ask me to stop like we talked about…but I’m stopping anyway. This is more than enough.”

Dean was right. They had discussed this before play. That Cas liked asking his dom to stop spanking him, and for the dom to keep doing it anyway for just a few more hits, but Cas had been in his head somewhere and had forgotten.

A few moments later, Dean rubbed some cool unscented lotion on the spot and then said, “Sit up for me, baby.” So Cas did.

Dean watched Cas, eyes slightly narrowed, observant. Cas wanted to shrink under his gaze, but he forced himself to stay open for his dom. Dean reached forward, his fingers brushing the clasp of Cas’s collar.

Dean leaned his forehead against Cas’s and something about that simple touch made Cas’s stomach drop to his feet.

“Wanna take this off.”

“Yes, sir,” Cas said with a half-smile.

Dean unlatched the collar and sat it down gently on the side table. Dean leaned back against the couch and said with a boyish smirk, “You like baseball?”

“Yes,” Cas said, “Which teams are playing?”

“Giants and Rockies.”

“I’m guessing you’re a Rockies fan,” Cas said.

“Fan might be stretching it, but I’d pick ‘em over the Giants.” Dean blinked slowly, his eyes on Cas. “Might wanna get dressed.”

Cas glanced down at himself. “Oh, right.”

Cas climbed behind the sofa, unzipped his duffle and removed a pair of grey jeans, some boxer-briefs and darker grey button down. He hurried to put them on and return to his spot beside Dean on the sofa. Cas hissed, his ass still sore from the spanking.

“You all right, dude.”

“I don’t know,” Cas said. “I might have a horrible disease where my ass hurts for no reason. I mean it’s not like a 190 pound man just spent half an hour beating it…not to mention there’s a butt plug up there.”

“You have a mouth on you when my dick’s not in it, you know that?” Dean grinned and then sobered up a bit, “We can take the plug out since we’re not playing.”

Cas shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I like it.”

Dean laughed and stood up from the couch. Cas blushed. “I’m gonna whip up some nachos for us. What do you want to drink? A beer?”

“A beer sounds great, but I can get it.”

“All right, then, buddy. You’re on drinks and I’m on food.”

 

. . .

 

“Told you the Giants would win.”

“You know what, Cas. Shut your mouth.” Dean pulled an uneaten nacho off the plate and chucked it at him. Cas ducked out of the way and it landed on the side table.

“You can’t tell me what to do right now.” Cas pointed at the collar lying beside the thrown nacho.

“No, but there are like three more nachos on that plate and I’m not afraid to use them.” Dean’s hand darted toward the plate, and Cas jumped forward to block him. Dean grabbed Cas’s arm and tried to wrestle it down. Eventually, Dean just pinned Cas with his whole body, knocking the air out of him.

Dean lay down perfectly on top of him, their dicks lined up through the fabric. Cas had no idea why it was different like this, why his heart was pounding and his stomach churning in an all-new way. He’d held Dean’s dick in his mouth for nearly 40 minutes earlier and yet, it didn’t feel half as intimate as this…maybe because that was his dom and this, this was just Dean.

“Dean,” Cas groaned.

Dean bracketed his hands on either side of Cas’s head. Dean’s mouth hovered just inches above his own, and Cas considered closing the gap between them, but Dean…Dean was straight for all anyone knew and this wasn’t part of the program, part of the play. He couldn’t. This was too far.

“Can I put my collar back on?” Cas asked.

Dean let out a long breath and whispered, “I think you should.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the worst at waiting but I doubt many of you are complaining :) Thanks for all your lovely comments on the chapters so far. Keep 'em coming! Warning: for talk of a bad past dom, including the derogatory language he used.

Cas slept naked, in his collar, beside Dean in his bed and woke up to Dean thrusting the plug in and out of his ass. Cas shivered. One of his favorite things was waking up to realize his dom had been using him sexually in some way. Dean had been hesitant when Cas discussed it with him, though he did not seem hesitant anymore.

Dean smiled up at him. “Morning, Angel.” He pushed the plug all the way back in and left it. “Let’s go shower.”

As Dean, who was wearing a grey robe, attached the leash to Dean’s collar, Cas realized that when they showered together it would be the first time Cas saw Dean naked. His mouth watered at the thought of all that freckled, tan skin right where he could touch.

Dean walked Cas down the hall to the bathroom. It looked like it had been recently remodeled compared to the rest of the cabin. It had modern cabinetry, stone flooring, chocolate brown walls, dim lighting and a large shower with glass doors and brass fixtures. The room was beautiful, comfortable and homey.

Dean unhooked the leash and then paused at the collar. “Cas,” he said, “I didn’t think this through…leather and water.”

“You can take off the collar. Right now, while we’re in here, we’re still playing even without it,” Cas replied.

“We’ll put it right back on when you get out.”

“Yes, sir.”

Dean unlatched the collar and then opened the doors for Cas to step into the shower. He paused, waiting for Dean.

“Go on,” Dean said.

Cas stepped into the shower and then glanced back at his dom, confused.

“Already took a shower, baby. Just gonna watch you, tell you what to do. Now turn the water on to the temperature that you like.”

Cas grabbed the faucet handle and turned it. The large, strong spray shot across Cas’s naked body. The water got warm almost immediately. Cas liked his showers a little hotter than they needed to be, with that slight tinge of pain, so he was happy for this.

“Rinse your hair off and then put some of that shampoo in it.” Cas reached down for the only bottle in the shower. It was in a clear plastic container so Cas had no idea what brand or scent it was until he squeezed it onto his hand. It smelled like cloves and firewood, like Dean. Cas breathed it in and then rubbed it through his short, dark brown hair. The whole time his dom watched him intently.

“Now, rinse your hair out then pick up that bar of soap and rub it all over that perfect body of yours. Go on, baby.”

Cas rinsed out the shampoo and then picked up the slippery white bar soap, lathered it in his hands and began to slide the foam all over himself. Cas shut his eyes and imagined they were Dean’s hands, sliding against his skin, over his sensitive nipples, tracing gently around his stretched rim and over his cock.

“Yeah, keep touching yourself there, baby. Got to make sure that’s really clean.”

Cas paused and grabbed onto his cock, rubbing the suds over it. It went from semi to rock hard in an instant. Cas moaned.

“That’s right, angel. Now tell me what you’re thinking about as you touch yourself. Don’t be shy, tell your dom.”

Cas glanced over at Dean briefly to see him flushed and tenting his robe. This gave Cas more confidence.

“I- I’m thinking about you, sir. About how I want your hands on me, everywhere, especially on my dick. I’m thinking about how hard I came yesterday when you touched me. How I want to come that hard again. I’m thinking about you, just you, _Dean_.”

Cas hadn’t even realized he was close when was coming all over his hand and into the shower.

Dean was just smiling. “God, you’re fantastic, but from now on you only come when I give you permission.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Rinse off, and then dry off.” Dean pointed to a large white towel hanging on a rod. “Use the can if you need to. Then put your collar back on and come meet me in my room. I’m gonna put the sound in your dick.” Dean left the bathroom.

Cas tensed all over. Was he ready for this? He was ready to try at least.

 

When Cas got to Dean’s bedroom, Dean was no longer in a robe. He was wearing tight blue jeans and a plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Dean looked at him and then patted the bed.

“Get up here with me, angel.”

Cas sat down beside Dean.

“Do you want to talk about this?”

Cas let out a shaky breath and nodded.

“Okay, baby. What do you want to ask me?”

“Is it going to hurt?”

Dean brushed a thumb over Cas’s cock. “It’ll hurt a little – and I need you to promise me you’ll safeword if it’s too much.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Here it is.” Dean pulled out a for inch silver rod that tapered in away from the little knob on the end. The sound was a thinner than Cas expected so that eased his mind, just a bit. “I’m gonna coat it with sterile lube,” Dean continued. “I’ll have you lie on your back and try to relax while I slowly push it in.”

Cas swallowed. He could hardly believe he was actually about to let somebody shove something up his dick.

“You’ve done this before, sir?”

“To myself. Many times.”

Cas looked at the sound in Dean’s hand and tried to come to terms with what was about to happen.

“You ready?” Dean asked.

Cas hesitated, took a deep breath and said, “Yes, sir.”

Dean tugged gently on Cas’s collar, pulling him to lie down flat on Dean’s comfortable bed. Dean kissed down Cas’s chest, taking a moment to bite and suck on a nipple, before moving down his abdomen with his mouth all the way to Cas’s dick.

Dean pulled away from Cas for a moment. Cas had his eyes squeezed shut so he wasn’t sure what Dean was doing, but his best guess was that he was coating the sound with lube.

“Keep taking deep breaths for me, baby, and I’ll be listening for your safeword.”

Dean took Cas’s dick in hand and Cas hissed at the contact. Moments later, something cold and slippery pressed at the slit of Cas’s cock.

 _Holy fuck_ was all Cas could think as he felt himself stretch, the dull overfilled sensation of the sound filling him up.

“Angel, how you doin?”

Cas had thrown his arm over his eyes. “Is it in?”

“’Bout half way. Can I keep going?”

Cas took a moment to respond. “Yes, sir.”

“’Kay. Keep breathin’.”

With a long inhale, Cas let himself relax as Dean pushed in on the sound. Something about the combination of the cold steel and Dean’s scarred hands and rough breathing made Cas’s dick harden.

“Beautiful, angel,” Dean breathed against his leg. Cas opened his eyes to watch his dom press the sound as far in as it could go.

Dean looked up, grinning. “Look at your cock. It’s gorgeous.”

Cas looked down and took in the sight. His cut cock was about 6 inches long erect and on the narrower side, it was smooth white save for a few veins, the swollen red tip and the shiny little silver knob sticking out of it. Hot tingles of arousal rushed through his body.

“You like it?” Dean asked. There was something shy in the way he asked it, like he was really nervous for Cas’s answer.

“It’s surprisingly arousing, sir.”

Dean flushed. “I’m gonna leave it in until you need to take it out to piss or I want you to come.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Come on, beautiful,” Dean grinned. “Let me make you some breakfast.”

 

Cas was eating better here than he ever ate. Most of the time, Cas’s breakfast consisted of nothing more than coffee, when he had a little extra time, he’d scarf down some yogurt or instant oatmeal. Cas was the general manager of a historic hotel and often worked strange hours, overseeing everything from bed bug infestations to ghost sightseeing tours. He rarely had time for a well-balanced, filling meal. At least, he rarely _made_ time for it. Cas had no idea how much he’d appreciate the food factor of this whole scenario. Despite the fact he had a plug in his ass and a sound up his dick, Cas didn’t know the last time he’d felt so relaxed.

After breakfast, Dean gave Cas a massage, pressing those strong hands deep into the muscles of his back, neck and shoulders. Cas groaned at the touch. He loved having his dom’s hands all over him, touching him, guiding him. When Cas was done with Dean, he ordered Cas to rub his feet. There was something incredibly hot about kneeling at Dean’s feet, holding them in his hands. He gave it little consideration when he leaned in to nuzzle Dean’s foot.

“Good boy,” Dean whispered.

So Cas got more adventurous and stuck the tip of his tongue out and dragged it along the sole of Dean’s foot.

“Oh, God, yeah Cas.”

Cas felt his arousal all the way to his feet when he heard Dean say his real name. He licked Dean’s foot a few more times and then sucked on his big toe.

“Don’t stop,” Dean said. “That’s an order.”

Well, Cas would never refuse an order like that. He kept licking and sucking Dean’s foot.

“Fuck, you look fantastic like that. On your knees, your pretty little tongue licking my feet. I never want you to stop.” Dean lifted up his other foot so Cas moved to give that one the same treatment.

By the time, Cas was done, he realized he had a strong burning in his bladder. He really had to pee.

“Uh, sir?”

“Mm?” Dean was leaning back, legs spread out, totally relaxed.

“I need to pee.”

“You can go.”

“But sir, the, uh, the sound?”

Dean sat up straight. “Oh, god, sorry, Cas, of course. Get on the couch. Let me get it out. Then, you can go to the bathroom and when you come back, you’re gonna put all the practice you just had on my foot to better use.”

Cas’s heart skipped. It was the first truly sexual thing he’d be allowed to do to his dom.

 

The sound had not been the easiest thing to get out, it stung, but Cas had survived other than pouting a little when Dean said he’d put it back in to sleep that night. Cas was starting to wonder when Dean would finally pull out that plug and use Cas’s ass for what it was meant. Since the moment he saw him, Cas had wanted to be fucked by Dean so hard he passed out.

But he liked that Dean took his time. Cas once had a dom he met in a club that, the very night they met, as soon as they started to play, he pulled down Cas’s pants, unzipped his own, shoved a few lubed fingers up there and then entered him. Fucked him without a word of warning or explanation. He didn’t say a thing until he came in the condom and pulled out. The dom turned Cas around and slapped him in the face. Cas will never forget the words he said then,

“God, you’re such a filthy cockwhore bitch.”

Cas realized really quickly that kind of dom would just not do it for him. He’d almost given up the whole thing, (then he’d met Balthazar), but suddenly the memory was replaced by fantasy, instead of that man from the club, it was Dean who bent Cas over and yanked down his pants without word. Dean who fucked into his ass, hard and unrelenting, like a wild animal rutting, not caring if Cas got release or not. Still, Cas came, because it was Dean, he trusted Dean, and he’d always come for Dean. And after Dean filled him up with come and slipped out, he’d say a whole different set of words,

“You’re so good for me, Cas. So good.”

Cas splashed a little water on his face after he finished in the bathroom and then headed back out into the living room. He was ready to give Dean the blowjob of his life. But instead of finding his dom waiting for him on the couch, he found regular old Dean, face pressed against the arm rest of the couch, snoring like a grizzly, a little bit of drool dribbling out of his mouth and onto the fake leather.

Cas bit down on the inside of the cheek to stop the smile that was forming, but it didn’t work. Dean looked so sweet and innocent and real like this. Cas was reminded of the night before when they’d almost kissed. Something that they hadn’t even ventured to do in play – that it seemed they weren’t going to do in play. Cas tried to will away the images of Dean’s sure hands gripping the knife as he’d sliced avocados, the way he snorted when he laughed too hard at an accidentally dirty commercial about face tissue.

Against every bit of logic Cas had, he found himself wanting to know this man more – not just as a dom – but as a person. For all Cas knew, Dean had a wife and kids somewhere in the city. The thought made Cas want to hurl, but then he just didn’t believe it- somehow, he just knew that Dean didn’t. That Dean was as lonely as he was.

Cas was brought out of his thoughts by one giant snore. That had to have woken Dean, right? No. He was still completely asleep. Cas smiled again as he approached Dean. He unfolded a red blanket and draped it across the man. Cas slid down to the floor in front of the sofa and just watched Dean sleep until he eventually dozed off too.

 

“Oh shit,” Dean said as he jolted away. The sound woke Cas as well.

“I’m sorry.”

Cas yawned and blinked a few times. “It’s perfectly fine.”

“It’s not. We were playing and I – I shouldn’t have…”

Cas turned around and touched Dean’s forearms. “Yes – and it’s called _playing._ We take ourselves too seriously the fact that I’m naked on your floor wearing a pink collar becomes a bit…sad.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Now,” he touched Cas’s chin with his thumb, “we need to get back to business.”

Cas blinked a few times, opening his eyes wide. “What kind of business, sir?”

“Well, first,” he tugged on Cas’s collar, “the business where you don’t speak without permission and I believe those pretty little lips were going to give me a blow job. Would you like that? You can answer…and be honest.”

Cas’s heart skipped a beat. “I’d like that very much, sir. Please.” Cas opened his mouth just waiting for it to be filled.

“Not here,” Dean said, “Outside.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sad and giving you lovelies porn makes me less sad so here you go. It's pretty much exclusively smutty dirty (haha you'll get it later) smut porn. So enjoy!

 

Dean hooked up the leash to Cas’s collar then led him toward the sliding glass doors in the living room. Dean unlocked them and slid them open, stepping outside onto the wooden patio. Cas followed the tug of his leash, naked, outside…he’d _never_...but here he was.

The patio was mostly empty aside from two camping chairs and square structure covered with a green tarp.

“You have a hot tub?” Cas asked, but then bit his lip, realizing he should not have spoken out of turn.

Dean tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. He’d caught Cas’s mistake, but to Cas’s surprise, he didn’t admonish him for it.

“Yep. Maybe we’ll get to use it sometime.” He smirked. Cas blushed, which had somehow become an automatic reaction to any twitch of Dean’s mouth. Dean was ahead of Cas now, toward the patio stairs, the leash jerked a bit when Dean was walking and Cas was rooted to the spot. Dean turned around, “Everything okay, baby? You can answer.”

Suddenly and much to Cas’s embarrassment, he snapped, “No. Everything is not okay. I’m naked, wearing a pink collar and leash, outside where a porcupine could bite my penis off. Oh, and did I mention…I’m outside where the whole world could see. Naked.” Cas’s eyes widened and he put a hand over his mouth then lowered it to say, “Oh my god, I’m sorry, sir.”

Dean wound the leash around his hand as he walked back toward Cas. “Is that the way you should speak to me? Answer.”

Cas shook his head. “No, sir.”

Dean grabbed Cas’s face. It wasn’t painful, but it was forceful. “If you have a problem with something we’re doing you use your safeword _or_ you address me with respect and we’ll talk about it. Is that clear? Answer me.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Okay. Is there something you’d like to express to me?”

“I’ve never done anything sexual outside before, sir. I’m nervous.”

Dean sighed softly. “Okay. I did mention this – it’s all right, of course, if you’re changing your mind. We can talk about that – but when I brought this up during our talk you didn’t even react to it.”

Cas looked down. “I know, sir. Sometimes, I think I overreach, wanting to be good for my dom.”

Dean stroked his fingers over Cas’s cheek. “It’s good to challenge yourself to a point, but just to a point. What makes you nervous about this?”

Cas swallowed. “What if somebody caught us, sir?”

“Okay, I understand that, but I own acres of land all around us. It’s blocked off by barbed wire, there are ‘no trespassing’ signs. The gate is the only way to get in. Remember the locked gate? You had to put in a code to get in, right?”

Cas nodded.

“Nobody is gonna see you like this. Nobody you don’t want to, okay? Is there anything else you’re worried about?”

Cas scratched at the back of his head. “There’s still the matter of the um porcupines…sir.”

Dean grinned and his whole face lit up. Cas could stare at that smile for hours…for days, really. “Angel, I promise I won’t let any porcupines eat your penis. Besides, I’d be more worried about getting quills in your ass, but you might like that.” Dean reached around and smacked Cas’s left butt cheek.

“You’re a dick,” Cas had no filter today, “…sir?”

“You’re lucky you’re sexy as fuck.” Dean shook his head. “So are we inside or outside?”

Cas smiled; it was small but there. “Wherever you’d like, sir.”

“Come on, baby,” Dean gently tugged on the leash and Cas went willingly off the patio and onto the soft wild grass behind Dean’s cabin. The ground was squishy and wet beneath his bare feet. This was the first moment Cas really allowed himself to recognize where he was. Dean’s property was covered in large, natural evergreen trees, beautiful boulders jutting out of the earth, with a view of the snow-capped peaks in the distance. And the air, Cas breathed deeply, was the freshest, cleanest air he’d probably smelled in his life. No wonder Dean lived here. No wonder he wanted to be outside for this.

Dean stopped in a tight grove of evergreen, swiped the loose needles off a patch of soft dirt and said, “Get on your knees and open your mouth.”

Cas obeyed instantly, not minding how his knees sunk into the damp soil. He watched Dean unbutton his pants. He was wearing button fly Levi’s, Cas didn’t know why he found that so hot, but he did. He really did. Again, Dean wasn’t wearing underwear. Cas was beginning to wonder if he even owned any.

Dean’s dick was semi-erect and already much bigger than Cas’s dick ever got. Much bigger than Crowley or Balthazar were (not that he should be comparing). It was just Cas had never taken cock that big – mouth or ass – and he was a little concerned. A jolt of fear shocked through Cas and he clamped his mouth shut.

“Open your mouth,” Dean repeated, stroking himself. _God it was huge._

Cas wanted to, but for some reason he found himself unable to move his jaw. He could open his lips wide enough to safeword if he wanted, but he didn’t want that. If Cas was good for anything, it was blowing. So what was going on?

“Need my help?” Dean asked softly.

Cas nodded.

Dean pulled down Cas’s bottom jaw. It didn’t require too much effort because Cas wanted this – he just needed encouragement.

“I’m gonna put the tip in that’s all and I don’t want you taking any more than that until I tell you to.” Dean stepped closer and nudged the tip of his cock into Cas’s mouth. As soon as it lay heavy against his tongue, dripping pre-come, Cas lost all his inhibitions. He leaned forward, trying to take more, but Dean’s powerful hand stopped him by tugging on his leash.

“Just suck and lick my tip until I tell you otherwise.”

Cas felt annoyed with himself. Had he just been braver, he could’ve had that delicious dick pressing deep into his throat, but now he could only have the tip. Cas knew Dean was trying to protect him, that this wasn’t punishment, but it sure felt like it.

The hand that wasn’t holding the leash gripped the back of Cas’s hair as Dean groaned. “It’s good to just be in your mouth at all, baby. So ready to shoot my load down your throat. One day, I’m gonna suck you. Never had a cock in my mouth, but I’m gonna suck you and I’m gonna let you come on my tongue and then I’m gonna kiss your jizz back into your mouth and make you swallow it down.”

Cas’s own dick jumped to attention at that. It was not even the dirty talk…it was…Dean had never mentioned kissing him before.

“I want to go deeper. Can you take more, baby?”

Cas opened his eyes and glanced up at Dean. Fully clothed Dean with his head thrown back, his face flushed. Cas didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more gorgeous and wouldn’t until he finally got all that soft, flawless, freckled skin where he could touch it. Cas nodded eagerly. Dean could shove his cock as deep into Cas’s mouth as he wanted to.

But when Dean pushed about halfway in, Cas was starting to rethink his whole ‘shove it in his far as he wants to’ idea because Dean was porn star huge. So Cas just licked and sucked and bobbed his head in all the ways he knew how to make this good for his dom.

“By the end of this week, I’m gonna get you taking the whole thing. I want your nose pressed up against me, breathing me in, wanna feel you swallow around me, wanna see my dick bulging in your throat.”

Cas wasn’t sure if that was even possible, but his swollen, neglected cock seemed to want it to be.

“Gonna fuck your face, angel. Won’t go too deep, promise,” Hell, Dean sounded so wrecked, “Never gotta fuck a dude’s face…wanted to…for so long, baby. Never let myself.” Dean pulled back, removing his dick from Cas’s mouth. “Do you want that? You can answer.”

Cas nodded.

“Use your words.”

“Uh, yes, sir.”

“Yes, sir what?” Dean’s voice was like gravel, deep, dark and tempting, as he pulled on the leash. “Tell me what you want, Cas.”

“Fuck my mouth, sir.”

The words snapped something in Dean because his hand took purchase on the back of Cas’s head and he started to rut into Cas’s mouth hard and fast. He leaned over Cas, bracing his hand against a tree trunk. Cas was off his knees, balancing basically on his toes and Dean held him up and pounding into him, not all the way because Cas would be gagging even worse than he was.

Still, it was almost too much, though not _too much,_ and Cas just stayed open and pliant for his dom to take as he wanted. Tears had started to form in Cas’s eyes and a few spilled out down his cheeks. They were the good kind of tears though, the kind that came from being overwhelmed in the best possible way.

“You make me crazy, Cas. Make me lose control…I’ve never…I don’t do _this_.” Dean kept thrusting over and over. Cas’s lips started to burn from the friction and the stretch. He was balancing on that edge he loved, the edge between wanting it badly and wanting it to stop.

“I’m gonna-“ Dean growled.

Cas braced himself for the inevitable loads of come that would be shot into his throat, warming his stomach, but instead, he found himself abruptly flipped over onto his stomach, aided by a tug on his collar. His cheek was pressed gently to the muddy ground and his ass was lifted into the air.

The plug slid dryly out of his ass and got tossed aside. Cas’s entire body went boneless because _holy shit_ he was getting fucked, right here, right now, in the mud like a wild animal – and that shouldn’t turn him on as much as it did. Dean had to hold his back legs up because Cas couldn’t do it on his own or he didn’t think he could at least.

“Stay still,” Dean growled and slapped his thigh, letting go of the leash. “Let me come in your ass, dammit.”

Cas gathered himself enough to hold his legs steady as Dean spread his cheeks. He kept bracing himself to be fucked, but Dean just barely placed his tip at Cas’s entrance and shot his load into him with a shout of “Holy fuck, Cas.”.

Dean pulled back, picked up the plug, slicked some dripping come on it and shoved it back inside Cas. He flipped Cas onto his back, wiped his hand in the mud and then wrapped it around Cas’s dick. This whole time it had remained untouched. He started to pump, fast and wild. Cas could feel his arousal building quicker than he wanted it to because he loved seeing Dean like this desperate, dirty and commanding.

“Sir, please, sir. I need to come, Dean.” Cas was sobbing at this point, tears rolling down his face, onto his dirty cheek.

“Count to five and you can come.”

Cas hesitated. How was he supposed to count right now? But he would do what his dom asked, so in a shaky, tear-addled voice he began to count.

When Cas was at two, Dean’s mouth swallowed down half his dick and he came immediately.

“Sorry, sorry,” he sniffed, wiping at his eyes.

Dean leaned over him, his perfect lips just inches away from Cas’s. He was going to kiss him – he was going to… Dean stuck two fingers in Cas’s mouth, pulled open his jaw and spat Cas’s come into his mouth without their lips ever meeting.

Dean leaned back, “Swallow it down.”

Shaking, near delirious, and still crying, Cas did as he was told.

Suddenly, Dean went soft yet strong and pulled Cas into his lap. Cas buried his face into Dean’s chest and kept crying. Dean stroked his hair. “Shh, you’re okay. I’m right here. It’s your time now. I’ll take good care of you, okay. Shh, angel. I’ve got you. You did so good, so so good. Such a good boy for me.”

Cas just held Dean tighter and sobbed some more. He could hardly believe what had just happened. How he was fine with it. More than fine with it.

“Everything’s okay, baby. You’re okay. I’m gonna take you inside for a bath and then we’re gonna relax for the night. We’ve had enough play for today.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not really any smut in this chapter but since there wasn't much else in the last chapter. This is a lot of after care and fluff and poker and maybe a dick joke or two i don't even know. thanks for all your comments and support on the last chapter.

Dean took Cas to the smaller bathroom in the hall. The one Cas had used the first night he was there. It had a pretty clawfoot tub, a big window and an assortment of shampoos and soaps that were distinctly more feminine than what Dean had in the other bathroom. Cas was too sleepy, too wrung out, to ask Dean about them.

After letting Cas use the restroom and take out the plug, Dean simply rinsed Cas off with warm water, letting the mud swirl down the drain and then he stoppered up of the bath, dropped a lavender orchid bath bomb into the water and just let Cas relax, running his hand gently through his hair and whispering little words of comfort and occasionally asking if Cas was okay.

Cas was incredibly okay and relaxed, his whole body limp and delightfully numb.

“You look very happy in that bath,” Dean said with a laugh, flicking some of the water at Cas.

“You could join me,” Cas muttered, patting the water with his hand.

“Nah, man. This is just for you. Besides, we’re not really playing right now.”

Cas felt his stomach kind of sink and he frowned a bit. Of course, Dean wouldn’t want near him if it wasn’t part of their play. His attraction to Cas didn’t stem beyond that. It had no foothold in reality, no matter if Cas wanted it to or not.

Dean stroked the back of his hair. “You’re still recovering and I’m still gonna take care of you…I didn’t mean…I just don’t think we should risk this going anywhere sexual tonight. Is it enough that I just sit here with you?”

Cas nodded. Of course, he wanted more. He wanted Dean slip in the warm water beside him. He wanted to pillow his head on Dean’s bare chest, but yes, having Dean here, occasionally was enough for him to process what had happened between them.

A few minutes later, Cas said the water was getting cold so Dean helped him out of the bath and handed him a fluffy white towel.

“You got this?” Dean asked.

Cas smiled and straightened up, trying to look like a regular guy not a sub. “Yes, Dean. I’m good now. Thank you.” He had to come up with some sort of activity to give Dean the idea that they were done playing and that Cas was done with aftercare, that he was totally good and normal now, “I have a deck of playing cards in my bag. They were in there from a trip I took to New York for a hoteliers convention. We could play a little poker, blackjack maybe.”

Dean grinned. “Oh, pal. You do not want to play poker with me.”

“That bad, huh?” Cas wrapped the towel around his waist.

“Well, baby, when you owe me your life savings – I guess you’ll find out.”

Cas let out a one small laugh, but then he realized that Dean had just called him baby outside of their dom sub relationship…it made his arms tingle.

“Uh, I’ll let you get dressed and um whatever before I beat your ass…figuratively, this time.” Dean turned and walked out of the bathroom.

Cas got dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants cut-off to be shorts and a yellow t-shirt he’d gotten for participating in a 5k in his town. Dean quickly joined Cas at the kitchen table wearing grey pajama pants and the Black Sabbath t-shirt from the night they met. Even after everything they’d done, the way that shirt gripped Dean’s biceps still made Cas’s mouth water.

Dean picked up the deck of cards near the lantern on the table and shuffled them in an elaborate trick sort of way – like you’d see at the casinos. “I’ll deal,” he said smoothly.

Cas didn’t care much about winning or losing. He just wanted to watch Dean’s hands on those cards and think about all the things they’d done to him already and all the things they still had yet to do to him.

 

. . .

 

After two beers and three hours, Cas and Dean decided to call it quits on poker.

“Damn, buddy. We’re pretty evenly matched. If we don’t stop now, we’ll be playing for the rest of our lives.” He pushed the deck of cards back towards Cas.

“Where’d you learn to play so well?” Cas asked.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“You first.”

“My dad.”

“You used to play with your father? That’s nice.”

Dean snorted. “He taught me to play so I could hustle money for him so he could get drunk. Same reason I know how to play pool.”

“Oh. I’m-“

“Don’t say you’re sorry. It’s fine, man. So, how do you know?”

“Same, actually. My dad, but just for fun. Though he had a gambling problem himself.”

“Had?”

Cas nodded. “Yeah, he got help. Though now he refuses to play any game…won’t even play Candy Land with his grandkids.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “You have kids?”

Cas chuckled. “No, not me. My brother Gabriel’s kids.”

Cas took it as a good sign that Dean seemed so shocked by the concept that Cas might have kids. It probably (he hoped) meant that Dean didn’t have a woman or children stashed away somewhere.

“My brother’s getting married,” Dean added. It was only tangentially related so Cas figured it was something he really wanted to talk about.

“Really? Do you like her? It’s a woman, I’m assuming.”

“Yeah – and yeah, Jess is great, but it means he’s probably permanently staying in California.”

“You miss him?”

Dean nodded. “It was basically just me and him growing up. So it’s been strange. He went to school at Stanford and I lived in California for awhile. It just wasn’t for me. Too many people.”

“I get that. I went to college in Manhattan for about a year before I dropped out and finished back here.”

“You live in Colorado?”

“Couple hours from here.”

“You said something about a hotel conference?”

“Yeah, I manage the Mt. Evans Hotel.”

Dean nodded knowingly. “I’ve driven past it, but I’ve never stayed. Bit above my price range.”

Cas laughed. “It’s a bit above my price range. Well, it would be if I didn’t get a discount.”

“Is that a friends, family and sexual partner discount?”

“I can get you a discount, Dean. If you’d ever like to stay there… Novak,” Cas suddenly said.

“What?”

“That’s my last name. You’d need it if you wanted to use my discount. Also, I don’t think we ever talked last names.”

Dean chuckled. “I’m not sure we’re supposed to.”

“Oh. Oh sorry.”

“Winchester.”

“What?”

Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, you’re Dean Winchester,” Cas said.

“Yep and you’re Castiel Novak,” Dean replied.

There was a pause and then Cas said, “We do weddings, you know?”

“Huh?”

“At the hotel, we do weddings. It was voted one of the best places in the country to have a wedding.”

“I’ll remember that if I ever get married,” Dean said skeptically.

“…I meant your brother and his fiancé.”

“Oh, right. That wouldn’t be weird?”

Cas didn’t particularly care if it would be weird or not. It would probably be very weird, but he couldn’t help but try and negotiate ways to see Dean again once this week was over. It had been just two days, but Cas wanted to carve out a place in his life for Dean, even if it was just a friend place.

“Doesn’t have to be weird, Dean, and they’d get a discount too.”

Dean smiled and stood up from the table. “I’ll let ‘em know.” Dean yawned. “I’m getting tired. Might hit the hay.”

Cas froze at the table. He wasn’t quite sure what Dean was saying. He’d put the collar back on Cas last night and let him sleep in his bed, but Dean said they were done playing tonight so Cas wasn’t sure if that meant he’d have to sleep on the couch again. Maybe he should just ask…

“Uh, Dean?”

“Yep?”

“Where am I sleeping?”

“With me.”

Cas felt a rush of relief. “As your sub?”

Dean looked at Cas like that was a strange question. Maybe it was. “Dude, I do not have the energy. Can we just bunker down like sleepover style?”

Cas laughed, stood up and walked over beside Dean. “We can do that.”

Dean clapped a friendly hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Thanks, pal.”   


Cas was tired enough to easily go to sleep beside Dean that night. Also, Dean’s soft breathing helped lull him into the rest. Cas wasn’t sure what time it was when he awoke to the sound of Dean gasping for air.

“Dean, Dean?” he muttered, rubbing his eyes.

Dean’s breaths came in short shotgun gasps. Cas sat up and flicked on the lamp. Dean had his fists pressed to his eyes and he was shaking his head.

“You’re having a nightmare, Dean.”

But when Dean lowered his fists from his eyes, Cas saw they were open and aware. He wasn’t dreaming.

“I’m, I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Cas sat crossed legged on the bed. “About what, Dean? What’s going on?”

“Sorry. God, I’m such a piece of shit. What the fuck is wrong with me?” Dean slammed his hand hard against the wooden headboard.

“Dean! I don’t – I think you’re having a panic attack.”

Dean just kept gasping for air.

“Can you tell me what you’re thinking?”

Dean shook his head.

“Can I touch you?”

Dean nodded, but said, “Why the fuck would you want to?”

Cas lay his hand on Dean’s. “Because I do. Because I like you, Dean and you’re hurting and I don’t understand why.”

Dean took one deep breath then managed to say, “I hurt you.”

Cas blinked a few times, his brow furrowing. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“Out-outside. You didn’t want to and I made you…oh God, I’m so sorry.”

 _Didn’t want to?_ Cas wasn’t sure he’d ever wanted anything as much as he’d wanted what had happened earlier today.

“Did I safeword?” Cas asked.

“No,” he sounded a bit defeated.

“You’re right. Because you didn’t make me do anything. I wanted it.”

Dean looked over at him, desperate. “But why did I want it? Why would I want something like that? I mean, shit, Cas I wanted to hold you down by your collar and hear you scream while I fucked you dry into the mud.”

Cas tensed at those words, especially ‘fucked you dry’. “But you didn’t.”

“Wouldn’t.”

“I know.”

“But still, Cas, what I did? It was wrong. You deserve-”

Cas cut him off right there. “I liked what you did. I like it a lot – and truth be told, I’d wanted it. I wanted you to fuck me. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were good, Dean. Fantastic.”

Dean sat up, leaning against the headboard, knees pulled toward his chest and arms wrapped around them. “You actually _liked_ it? You weren’t pretending.”

“Of course, I wasn’t pretending. You asked me not to.”

Dean sighed. “I think, I think I just scared myself.”

Cas rubbed a circle on Dean’s back. “I should’ve checked in on you too and made certain you were all right. What happened was intense for both of us. I’m sorry, Dean. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“It’s not your job.”

Cas grabbed Dean’s chin and pulled their gazes together. “It’s important to me that you’re okay and happy with this.”

Dean’s breathing was calmer now, his voice quiet. “I just never want to hurt you.”

Cas nudged into Dean’s arm. “You can hurt me a little.”

“This is new for me, you know. I try to make it seem like I know what I’m doing. But my brain just keeps going _two dicks two dicks there are two dicks here there’s always been one and now there two two whole dicks._ ”

It did seem like Dean was in such control but he was still just a guy who was probably a little freaked out by the newness of it all. But Cas wanted him to know it was okay. That he could relax. “It's okay, Dean. I get that it's new, but it's not bad, is it? I've always liked it I mean the familiarity with the parts."

"Two dicks are better than one?"

Cas laughed. "Something like that."

Dean yawned. “’m tired.”

“You okay?”

Dean nodded.

“I will ask you again in the morning,” Cas said.

“’Kay.” Dean slid back under the covers and instinctively, Cas pulled Dean over making his head rest against Cas’s chest.

“Should we?” Dean mumbled.

“Hush and go to sleep,” Cas said. So Dean did.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little bit shorter and I'm sorry about that. You almost weren't going to get a chapter today because I decided I needed to write a depressing 10x20 coda because I have problems. Anyway, I am posting today and you'll get an extra and longer chapter sometime before next Thursday. Thank you all for being awesome and supportive!

When Cas awoke, his arms were empty, and he immediately felt Dean’s absence in an aching sort of way he’d rather ignore. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, crawled out of bed and walked out Dean’s bedroom. He went to the bathroom and freshened up. He didn’t want to be too grimy from sleep when he found Dean.

“Dean?” He yawned, heading down the short hallway. “Where are you?”

“In here.” Dean’s voice flooded Cas’s chest with warmth.

Cas found Dean, unsurprisingly, in the kitchen. The air smelled rich and savory, making Cas’s empty stomach grumble.

“That smells amazing, Dean. What is it?”

“Apple bacon pancakes. My mom’s recipe.” A flicker of sadness crossed Dean’s face then floated away.

“I’m glad you got your mom’s talent for cooking…Dean, how are you feeling this morning?” Cas had promised to ask and he wanted to know.

Dean blushed a little, looking down. “I’m sorry about freaking out on you last night.”

Cas put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed. “Don’t be. So where’s your head this morning?”

“It’s…good. You liked what we did and so did I and I’m…thank you…for what you did. I’m fine now.”

Cas let his hand slip away from Dean as he smiled. “That’s good to hear. Really good.”

“Take a seat.” Dean gestured toward the table.

“Isn’t there anything I can help you with?”

Dean shook his head. “Just sit.”

Cas put his hands up in fake surrender. “All right, all right, Bossy.”

“Bossy?” Dean chuckled. “You haven’t seen the half of it.”

Dean brought over a stack of at least ten pancakes, a glass of bottle of warmed maple syrup, a pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice and Cas’s collar. Cas’s whole body tingled and his mouth went dry.

“Put the collar on,” Dean said. “And take your clothes off.”

Cas had never followed an order so quickly in his life. Moments later, his bare ass was on the wooden seat and the pink leather was a snug pressure against his throat. Dean smirked, a devilish gleam in his eyes. He scooted his chair over so it was right next to Cas.

Dean picked up the bottle of maple syrup and drizzled the sticky sugar all over his fingers.

“Open up,” Dean said. Cas did and found Dean’s sweet fingers pressing down on his tongue. “Suck, baby.”

Cas swirled his tongue around Dean’s middle and pointer fingers, lapping up the sweet taste of the syrup mixed with the saltiness of Dean’s skin. Dean pulled his fingers out and smiled at Cas. Dean placed two pancakes on a plate, poured syrup all over them and pushed it toward Cas.

“Eat,” Dean said in a commanding voice.

Cas looked down at the plate, wanting nothing more than to eat the delicious breakfast his dom had made him, but there was something missing. Cas furrowed his brow.

“Um, sir?” Cas whispered.

“Yeah, baby. You can talk.”

“I don’t have a fork,” he replied sheepishly.

Dean smirked. “I know. You don’t need one. That’s what those gorgeous hands are for.”

Cas eyed his dom skeptically, but then did as he was told and picked up one of the pancakes with his hands. It was soft, sticky and pulled apart under his grasps. Still, he managed to get a handful of the food into his mouth. Some of the maple syrup dripped down his chin.

Cas moaned at the perfect food in his mouth. Nobody on earth cooked like Dean Winchester.

“You like that, angel?” Dean asked, grinning.

Cas nodded vigorously, looked down at the food and back up at Dean for permission.

“You can eat, and you’ll finish all of it.”

Cas just scooped up another sticky bite with his hands. Eating all of this wouldn’t be a problem at all.

Dean chuckled quietly to himself and then made his own plate of pancakes, though he ate them with a fork. He poured himself a glass of orange juice then filled the bottom of rectangular shallow dish with orange juice and placed it front of Cas.

“No hands,” Dean said.

Dean really did like making Cas get messy. Cas swallowed the bite in his mouth and then pressed his face into the citrusy juice, lapping up the liquid with his tongue.

He heard the sound of a button and zipper and then the slide of flesh on flesh. Cas looked over at Dean, trying to catch a glimpse of that smooth, gorgeous cock, but it was hidden under the table.

“Just eat your food,” Dean commanded. Cas turned his attention back to his plate. Dean continued to eat as Cas did, but he stroked himself the whole time and Dean’s grunting noises and his eyes fixed on Cas made his own cock swell and rise.

Cas’s stomach felt just the right amount of full when he’d finished off the plate of pancakes and drank most of the orange juice. His chin, nose and mouth were sticky and sweet – and it was more pleasant than it should’ve been.

“Lick it clean,” Dean said.

Cas looked up at him, confused.

“The plate, baby. Lick it clean.”

A few crumbs of pancake and lines of syrup remained on the plate. Cas blushed, but he leaned forward and licked as much of it up as he could. His tongue streaked across the glass, his eyes tilted up, open and on Dean. Dean looked back. Tangible desire thrummed between them.

Dean picked up the syrup bottle, scooted back his chair and stood. He poured a figure eight of syrup on the hardwood floor, the bottom curve of the eight gliding over Dean’s brown leather boots.

“Missed a spot,” Dean growled. Cas hissed a breath through his teeth. His dick rose to full attention. Keeping his heated gaze on Dean, loving the way his submission seemed to turn on his dom, Cas crawled onto his hand and knees on the floor. He spared one more hot look with Dean then licked a long stripe of the syrup off the floor.

Dean groaned, his head tilted back, massaging his cock with one hand and his balls with the other.

“I should punish you,” Dean breathed.

“For what?” Cas asked without thinking.

“One, for talking out of turn. Two, for trying to drive me crazy. Three, for stopping. Keep licking.”

Cas slurped another line of the eight back up and crawled forward, keeping his tongue to the floor as he moved. He hesitated when the maple syrup traced over Dean’s boots.

“What is it?” Dean asked.

Cas shrugged.

“Too good to lick my boots?”

Cas shook his head.

“Then get on with it.” There was firmness in this command. It wasn’t the kind a sub disobeyed. Cas took a deep breath and licked the soft leather mixed with the syrup.

A strong hand gripped Cas’s hair and yanked him to his feet. It stung and Cas yelped. He was shoved hard back into the refrigerator, the air getting knocked out of him. Dean rushed at him, slamming their bodies together. Dean’s still out cock was a hard pressure on his side and his own poked back at Dean’s abdomen.

With a feral growl, Dean rutted against Cas. He pinned Cas’s wrists against the stainless steel.

“Don’t fucking move. Don’t even fucking blink. You understand?”

Cas let out a little gasp of surprise; his eyes fluttered shut. Dean slammed against Cas again, shaking the whole refrigerator.

“What did I say?”

“Sorry, sir.”

“When we’re done here, I’m gonna gag you, shove that sound back up your dick then tie you up and leave you in front of the goddamn open window.”

Cas didn’t quite understand why angry Dean turned him on so much, but he felt those words like delicious lava. He didn’t expect Dean to be so rough again so soon after what happened last night. Maybe he shouldn’t be…

“Dean,” Cas breathed against the other’s mouth. “What’s your safeword?”

Dean leaned his forehead against Cas’s, his hands squeezing Cas’s wrists tighter. “K-Kansas.”

“Do you need to say it, Dean?”

Dean shook his head, but he said, “Kansas. I – Kansas.” He dropped Cas’s arms and backed away. He grabbed the dish of orange juice off the table and hurled it across the room where it shattered in the sink. Cas jumped.

Dean had his back turned to Cas, his hands were gripping his hair. His back rose and fell with heavy, exaggerated breaths.

“Dean,” Cas whispered, trying to break the silence.

“You can drive on the road,” he said, back still to Cas.

“What?”

“Remember. When you first got here, the road was washed out by the storm. I got a call this morning from the volunteer sheriff. It’s fixed.”

“That’s…good,” Cas said, unsure where the conversation was going. His heart was still pounding, but his erection was waning.

“So you can leave,” Dean said in his normal Dean voice. Cas’s stomach plummeted to his feet.

“I…yeah I guess I can,” Cas mumbled, his mind spinning.

Dean walked over, he’d zipped himself back up, and laid out his hand.

“What?” Cas asked, bewildered.

“The, uh, collar.”

“Oh, yes, right. “ Cas was suddenly all thumbs, shaking, as he tried to remove it. “Damn buckle,” he muttered.

“Let me help,” Dean said.

Cas batted Dean’s hand away. “I got it.” A few more times and he did, dropping the leather into Dean’s hand with sad, final thud.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one isn't super long, but I promised an extra chapter and I kind of wanted what happened in this chapter to be mostly by itself. You should still get another chp tomorrow too. Hope you enjoy!

Cas was about 3 miles down the winding mountain road, past Dean’s property fence, when he finally started breathing again. The window wipers swished across the dry glass. He’d left them on since he’d arrived at Dean’s in the rainstorm. The sky was that deep, sunny Colorado blue, cut harshly across by a line of dark clouds that weren’t raining, and only now did Cas think to switch off the wipers.

He turned on the radio, but most of the stations were fuzzy so he just clicked it back off. That sense of anticipation he’d felt coming up here just a few days ago now sat sick and heavy in his gut. A part of him felt like they were still playing like if he just shouted his safeword, this would all be over and Dean would hold him for a few minutes then they’d watch _King of Queen_ reruns and eat homemade lasagna.

Cas closed his eyes as briefly as could be safe while driving and whispered, “Illinois.”

When he opened his eyes, he was, of course, still on that dirt road. His tank was running near empty and he wasn’t sure when he’d see another place to fill up. He pulled his Lincoln into the Gas-N-Sip next to a truck who was also there to fill up his tank.

“Nice wheels,” the other man said. He was rather tall, with longer brown hair that he kept well groomed. He wore jeans, boots and a plaid shirt.

“Thank you,” Cas said.

“Do you know if it’s supposed to rain today?” the man asked.

Cas shook his head. “No. I don’t. Sorry.”

“I hope not,” Sam said. “Every time it rains that bridge goes out. They just keep on fixing it the same way, instead of paying more to have a better one built in the first place. It’s crazy. That bridge has been going out since I was a kid.”

Cas caught a glimpse of the stranger’s California license plate. “Coming back home for a visit.”

“Yeah. Something like that.” The other man finished filling up his truck. “Well, it was nice talking to you,” he said.

“Yes. Have a good day.”

“You too.” The man hopped in his truck and drove up the mountain.

Cas finished filling up his tank, got in his car and kept driving down the mountain, the opposite way of the truck. He tried to force thoughts of Dean from his mind with thoughts of the room renovations he had to oversee when he got back to work at the hotel, the opening of the new restaurant, the housekeeping manager was leaving so he’d have to hire somebody new…his mind was so caught up in these thoughts, he’d hardly noticed the darkening clouds that have obscured most of that blue sky.

A police car sat just at the curve of the mountain, where a narrow river ran beneath the small wood and rock bridge. The Subaru in front of him rolled over the bridge and curved around the corner. As Cas approached, the police car pulled out of its spot and blocked the bridge.

A shorter, broad officer with grey hair stepped out of the car and motioned for Cas to roll down his windshield. He followed the officer’s instructions.

“You’ll have to turn around, son. This bridge is closed.”

“It’s closed.”

“Yes, boy. You got trouble paying attention?”

“No, but a Subaru just passed over the bridge.”

“Were you in the Subaru?”

“Uh, no.” Was this old cop crazy?

“Then I don’t see what that has to do with you.”

“Look Officer,” Cas leaned in to check the name on his badge, “Singer. I just, I’m not trying to be difficult but I really need to get off this mountain. I just want to go home.”

“Sorry, bridge is closed,” Officer Singer said with a nod. As he walked away Cas heard him mutter, “Stupid idjit boy. He’s gonna owe me for this. Swear I gotta do everything for everyone all the time. Dammit.”

Cas just sat there, having no idea what to do. He was trapped in the worst possibly way, in the middle of nowhere with a blanket of thunderclouds overhead.

Someone honked behind him.

“Bridge is closed,” Cas groaned.

They honked again.

Frustration mounting, Cas stormed out of his car to yell “bridge is closed” at the top of his lungs and hope it caused an avalanche. Before he could, Cas noticed, sitting just a few feet behind his Lincoln was an Impala, Dean’s car. Dean stepped out of the driver’s seat and Cas’s mouth fell open. He shut it quickly not wanting to look any stupider than he already felt.

“What are you doing here?” Cas asked.

Dean didn’t answer; he just took another step toward Cas.

“So the bridge isn’t open yet.”

“The bridge is fine, Cas,” Dean said, his voice so controlled it made Cas feel even more out of control.

“Well tell that to Officer Singer.”

“I did. I mean…I told him to _close_ the bridge.”

“You know him?” Cas asked then shook his head. That wasn’t the pressing question. “Why would you tell him to close to the bridge?”

Dean stepped closer, his eyes intent on Cas. “Well, Cas, because it’s going to rain.”

Cas looked up at the raging grey clouds in the sky. A drop fell and landed on his face. Cas wiped it away.

“See,” Dean said.

“I’m confused.”

“Me too. Look, Cas-“

“No, Dean. I don’t get it. You asked me to leave and now you’re here. Why are you here?”

“I didn’t ask you to leave!”

“Yes, you did. You said that the bridge was out so I could leave.”

“You could leave. I just didn’t want you to leave, but clearly you wanted to leave.”

“I didn’t want to leave you asked me to leave or I thought you asked me to leave. And,” Cas will regret this, “maybe it was a good idea.”

It’s raining in earnest now, soaking Cas and Dean, but neither one of them are making a move to get out of the rain.

“Why?”

“Why? Because you act strangely with me. You get too violent, not necessarily for me, but for you. I get whiplash with how you are when we play and how you are when we don’t. And it’s strange because you’ve done,” Cas whispered this part, “a lot of things to me, except fuck me and kiss me and it’s making me crazy!”

Dean grabbed Cas’s shoulders, backed him off the road and into a dense patch of trees. His shoes squished in the mud and the memory of Dean almost pressing inside him in a similar moment hit with the full force of the desire Cas has for Dean. He tripped forward from it and Dean balanced him out.

“I _wanted_ to kiss you,” Dean growled, hovering his mouth over Cas’s. The two inches between them seemed like a million miles and Cas wanted nothing more than to shatter the distance, but he would wait.

“Well, why didn’t you?”

“Because I wasn’t going to kiss you, not _you,_ as part of a goddamn game.”

Cas’s breath trembled as sucked in the rainy air and made those two inches, one inch. “I’m not playing.”

One, two, three seconds and Dean obliterated that last inch between them. Cas didn’t go soft or still or pliant beneath Dean’s touch. No. He came to life, for the first time maybe, kissing back with the pounds of strength buried in his muscles. Cas gripped Dean’s neck, spun him around and backed him up against a wet boulder.

The kiss surged through Cas, like a wildfire, like an avalanche, like something so primal it terrified him. Dean’s kiss, their kiss, was a force of nature as Dean slipped his tongue into Cas’s mouth, licking over his teeth. Cas sucked gently on Dean’s tongue, let go, leaned in, but Dean’s bottom lip, coaxing out a growl.

They parted for a moment; their bodies still lined up perfectly together, rain rushing down on them through the pine trees. They stared at each other, allowing a moment to decide was this a mistake? Should they stop? How far should they go?

This time when Dean leaned down to kiss him. Cas couldn’t help but think of the river that runs under the bridge, deep and slow, until the rains come and it floods. Cas leaned into it, licked into it, and let himself get swept away.

“Can we go back now?” Dean whispered against Cas’s ear, placing a warm, wet kiss just beneath it.

Cas nodded wordlessly. He wasn’t certain he could ever speak again. Dean held Cas’s hand until they were out of the thick of the woods.

“Follow me back,” Dean said, a slight blush on his cheeks.

“I’ll follow you.”

As Cas followed Dean back up the dirt road in the downpour, Cas couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Dean had kissed him, wanted to kiss him, just for him. Twenty minutes ago, Cas thought he’d never get to feel those lips on his, feel that big cock inside him, and now, now anything was possible.

Cas went with Dean in through the gate to his property, but Dean’s drive wasn’t empty. There was a familiar truck with California license plates parked there, the man from the Gas-N-Sip leaning on the frame. Dean jumped out of his car and Cas slowly exited his.

“Sammy?” Dean said.

Sammy – right – Sam was Dean’s brother from California. The one getting married.

Dean’s brother didn’t answer so Dean tried again. “Sammy, what are you doing here?”

Somehow it didn’t seem like Sam had noticed Cas there at all. His broad chest rose and fell. “Dean, it’s Jess.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late. I was kind of just lying on the floor sobbing about the end of that last episode and then I wrote a weird-ass coda to make me feel better. Anyway, I hope you like the chapter ;) Thanks for sticking with me.

Even though Sam was there, Dean had asked Cas to stay. Cas had to say he was pretty surprised. Glad of it, but still he felt a bit awkward about the decision. Dean’s brother was in some sort of unknown crisis, and wasn’t it weird to have a stranger around? Cas wasn’t the best with social interaction, but he was rather certain this was odd.

Every time Dean would ask Sam what was wrong, Sam would reply with nothing but a shake of his head, until finally Sam just said, “I need a drink.” He turned towards the kitchen, but Dean blocked him. Cas furrowed his brow, unsure of Dean’s motives. Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas, leaned his head toward the kitchen door and cleared his throat.

 _Oh._ It suddenly hit Cas. Dean hadn’t cleaned up the mess they made in the kitchen this morning. Though it wasn’t incredibly sexually incriminating, there was still maple syrup all over the floor and dishes of orange juice…and come to think of it Cas was still sticky with that syrup. Had Sam noticed? Did Sam think he was some kind of a weirdo? All right, so maybe he was some kind of a maple-syrup weirdo, but Dean’s brother didn’t need to know that.

“I’ll get the drink. You two should talk,” Cas said

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Cas.”

Sam frowned slightly, wrinkling his forehead, but he followed Dean into the living room. Cas stepped over the sticky floor and pulled open the refrigerator. He grabbed two bottles of beer, one for Dean and one for Sam then headed into the living room.

“Dean,” Sam said, his voice low as he sat beside Dean on the couch. “Jess is married.”

Cas froze, not wanting to interrupt.

“You guys got married without me?” Dean snapped. “I was supposed to be your best man. How could you just run off and get married without even telling me, Sam? We’re brothers-“

“Dean, listen.” Sam put his head in his hands. “Jess _and I_ are not married. _Jess_ is married.”

“She left you?”

“No.”

Dean rubbed his eyes. Cas didn’t want to just stand there an eavesdrop, so he walked forward awkwardly set the beers in front of the brothers.

“Thanks,” Sam muttered.

“Uh, sure.”

Cas started to leave, but he was still a bit curious so he walked slow enough to keep hearing their conversation.

“Sam, seriously I’m not getting this.”

“You know how Jess is divorced?”

“Yeah,” Dean replied.

“Well, she’s a little less divorced than I thought.”

“You stole somebody’s wife?” Dean nearly shouted.

“I didn’t know she was somebody’s wife, first of all. Second, she’s been trying to divorce the jerk for years, but he doesn’t want it – and he’s rich and his lawyers have found ways to block the divorce ever since she left him five years ago. She thought now that we were getting married…that he would change his mind. She’s gone to Michigan, where she’s from, to try and change his mind, but Dean I don’t know what I should do. Should I even stay with her?

“Oh, Sammy,” Dean said, and Cas realized he’d been listening in too long. This wasn’t his family or his family drama; it wasn’t information he needed.

Cas walked into the kitchen where he was too far away to hear what Sam and Dean were saying. He looked around the mess of a kitchen and decided he’d spend his time in here cleaning up. He was in part for responsible for this mess anyway. Cas looked in the cabinets beneath the sink. That seemed like the most likely place for him to keep the cleaning supplies. Cas was right. Next to the dishwashing soap and a jar full of plastic grocery sacks, was a pinkish-red carrier for household cleaners. A stack of rags sat beside that.

Cas felt strangely at home here, probably too at home, as he pulled out the 409 and white stained rag. He sprayed the cleaning solution on the maple syrup and began to scrub the sticky substance off the floor. Cas smiled to himself. There was something almost sexy about cleaning this up, about using Dean’s cleaning supplies as if they were his own. It was stupid, but he allowed himself to imagine, just briefly, this was his home. That this warm little cabin decorated in 80’s movie posters belonged to him as well as Dean. Cas imagined that he didn’t have to go back to the beige apartment with its plain IKEA furniture and perfectly dusted bookshelves. It was a silly thought. A useless one. Even if Dean liked him, they still lived in different towns, lived different lives. No feelings between them made that less true.

With a heavy knot between his ribs, Cas finished cleaning the floor and hand washing the dishes. He liked that Dean didn’t have a dishwasher. An image of Dean and him washing and drying dishes together flashed into his mind, and he shoved the thought away as quickly as possible. He was drying and putting away the last dish when Dean and Sam came into the kitchen.

“You can stay the night,” Dean said. Cas wasn’t sure whether Dean was talking to him or his brother.

“Dean, you’re my brother and I love you, but I can’t sleep on that tiny couch of yours. Besides, you said Cas was from out of town. Where would he sleep?” Sam suddenly switched his attention to Cas. “When I ran into you at the gas station, didn’t you say you were going the other way?”

Cas looked to Dean and Dean just shrugged. Apparently, he wasn’t going to get any help from Dean in the lying department. Great.

“I was, uh, turned around,” Cas said. He felt like he sounded very guilty but maybe that was only because he knew that he had something to hide. Apparently. Cas wasn’t entirely sure what Dean was planning on sharing about them with his brother.

Sam looked back to Dean, leaning against the kitchen counter. “I already talked to Bobby. I’m gonna stay with him a bit. He said he had some work for me to do around the old place, while I wait this whole Jess thing out. Just needed a break, you know? Thought I’d stop by and see my big brother on the way.”

“I’m glad you did,” Dean said. “And I’m sorry about Jess, man. That really sucks. It’ll work out though – whatever happens.”

Sam stuck his hand out to Cas. Cas accepted the handshake and squeezed Sam’s large hand. “Nice to meet you, Cas.”

“Likewise, Sam,” Cas replied.

“I never ended up drinking the beer. So, I might just head out. You know Bobby will call me an idjit if I’m not there when Ellen has dinner on the table.”

Dean laughed. “Yeah, I mean, I doubt you’ll get out of this visit without being called ‘idjit’ a few times, but I feel you.”

“Maybe we can go fishing sometime while I’m here,” Sam said. “You can come along too, Cas.”

“I’d like that, Sam.”

With that, Sam left Dean’s cabin, spirits raised a bit more than they were when he arrived.

“Would you really like that?” Dean asked as the front door shut.

Cas turned toward him. “Like what?”

“Like fishing with me and Sam?”

“Yes,” Cas answered simply and easily because of course he would like that. How could he not?

“So, uh, what now?” Dean scratched his head. His nose was wrinkled up, drawing attention to the very, very light smattering of freckles there. You might miss them in pictures or if you weren’t paying Dean the kind of attention a work of art like him deserved. Cas, however, did not miss them.

“I’m not sure, Dean.”

“I want to play, to keep playing. I mean, I’m really into it. It’s, uh, kind of an important part of my life.”

“Well me too.” Cas chuckled softly.

“But something is off with it between us.” Dean hopped up onto the kitchen counter. He looked gorgeous like that, hair messed, muscles straining where he locked them on the edge of the counter. Cas swallowed, trying to wet his dry mouth. Regardless of how beautiful Dean looked here, he was also right.

“Yeah, there is.”

“It’s mostly me,” Dean sighed.

“Okay?”

“I haven’t been with a guy before.”

“I know.”

“What I mean,” Dean slid off the counter, “is that I haven’t _let_ myself be with a guy before. When I said that I never really saw the point, that I liked girls so, it didn’t matter. I was kind of lying.”

“You don’t like girls?”

Dean snorted. “No. I definitely like girls. A lot.”

Cas frowned. He knew Dean had been with a lot of women. Hell, Cas had been with a lot of women, but that didn’t mean Cas wanted to think about Dean’s hands running over soft breasts and curvy hips. “So what are you saying, Dean?”

“I’m saying that I told myself a lot of things to stop myself from wanting to be with a man, especially when I was younger. I said those things to other boys I knew were like me – and did that over and over until I hated myself enough to deny what I wanted, and now, with you, I’m…oh shit Cas, I don’t know.”

“All that anger just comes out?”

Dean nodded. “And all the fear and all the want that I’ve shoved away my whole life. When you showed up on my doorstep Cas, a part of me wanted to shove you back out into the rain because you are every damn gay wet dream I had as a kid.”

“Oh, Dean.”

Dean shook his head. “I just don’t know what to do with it. With everything I’m feeling because those thoughts come back and I start to feel like what the hell am I doing and then when I’m actually touching you, it’s like I snap and I just want everything all at once, as fast as I can get it. It’s like I’m fucking starving for it.” Dean’s voice had started getting louder. “And you, you’re so fucking unaffected. So able to play that submissive role, play the game, that it makes me absolutely furious but I know it’s not the same for you. You’ve been with so many guys.”

Cas just started cracking up.

“You don’t have to laugh at me.”

“I’m not. I’m sorry. Jesus, Dean. Unaffected? Un-fucking-affected? Dean, are you out of your fucking mind?” Cas stepped forward, eyes locked on Dean’s. “I’ve never, in my life, been more affected by another human being than I am by you.”

“Cas,” Dean breathed, eyes wide. Like he could be stunned by this, by Castiel wanting him. It was ridiculous.

They stood there for a moment. The tension between them burned hot and real, bubbling and ready to boil, like a volcano teetering on the edge of explosion. They stood a foot apart, but lined up and stiff, taught with desire and want, ready to snap.

“Oh, god, Dean.” Cas launched himself at Dean, kissing him with that lava heat between them, hands balled in the fabric of his worn t-shirt, bringing them together, unrelentingly.

Cas waited in the moment as he licked against Dean’s mouth; Dean holding mountain-still beneath him. He wondered if Dean wouldn’t react, wouldn’t let himself ignite……until he _did._

And it was like the goddamn big bang.

Dean’s hands gripped into Cas’s hair, kissing back and opening up for Dean. Their tongues met between them. They pressed and licked and begged for more, more, more.

The two of them blurred together. A mix of flesh and bones and heat. Dean bit Cas’s lip and Cas pulled away to trail hot, wet, bruising kisses down the soft, thin flesh of Dean’s neck. Dean threw his head back and let out a groan, unearthly and animal, and somehow also just “ _Cas!”_

“Yes, Dean,” Cas growled. “Say my name. It drives me wild when you say my name.”

“Cas.” This time his voice was more of a whimper, a sound that shot straight as an arrow to Cas’s dick.

Cas gripped Dean’s hips and yanked them together with enormous force. Cas rutted his hard-on against Dean’s, groaning and growling, as he kissed Dean again. Wet and sloppy, a clash of teeth and tongue. Together they collided with each other, over and over and over, a desperate battle, an equal match.

Tension, destruction, heat and desire trembled between them like the first vibrations of a delicious, sexual earthquake. Cas wanted to tear the clothes from Dean’s body, see every inch of him, of that freckled, golden Adonis; he wanted to worship that flawless body with his tongue, his fingertips, his cock. Cas wanted to paint him with come, see it dripping from his lips and eyelashes. Cas, who was plain and ordinary, with his boring apartment, boring Men’s Wearhouse suits, boring family and boring income, wanted to, for once in his perfectly average, ordinary life, reach out and touch perfection.

Breath hitched tightly, Cas began to slide his fingers under Dean’s Black Sabbath t-shirt, rucking it up so he could pull it over Dean’s head, expose that gorgeous torso to his own eyes.

Without warning, Dean shoved him back hard with a firm, “No!”

His heart sunk in his chest, unsure of what he did wrong. “Dean?”

“Cas, Cas I’m sorry.” Dean shook his head.

Oh, god. After everything, after trying and trying and trying Dean was still going to reject Cas. He wished he’d never come back here. He couldn’t face this twice.

“I understand,” Cas lied. He had no idea what was happening.

“I want you to fuck me.”

“Huh?”

“I want this – I think I may _need_ it, but you have to promise me something.”

“Anything.” It scared Cas how quickly his reply came.

Dean rubbed his hands over his face. “When you fuck me, the shirt…the shirt stays on.”

Cas cocked his head. “Why?”

Dean frowned. “Just, just promise me, Cas. _Please._ ”

“I promise.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, lovelies. Now that Supernatural is on hiatus hopefully my emotions about it will be more stable and I will post on the right days. Lots and lots of smut, so enjoy and let me know what you think!

Cas took Dean’s hand. He squeezed it, and Dean squeezed back with matching pressure that drew a smile on his face. With that hand, Cas lead Dean to the bedroom. Dean followed easily, a step or two behind Cas but not much more than that. Cas’s mouth was dry. Adrenaline tingled through him at the thought of being inside Dean. A gift he never expected.

The slid through the door and Cas shut it behind them. The storm clouds had mostly cleared, leaving the sky through Dean’s sliding glass doors a lovely pale blue. The light made Dean look even more exquisite, if that were possible.

“You sure about this?” Cas needed Dean to want this as much as he did.

Dean nodded, his pupils blown wide. “Yeah.”

“You’ve never done this?”

“Nope.” Dean flushed. “Uh, I’ve um never had anything in my ass.”

“Not anything? Not once?” Cas thrilled at the possibility of being the first to cross that line with Dean. He could take him there well, make it worth the wait.

Dean scratched the back of his neck. “That a problem?”

“Of course not, Dean. I’ll be careful.” Cas smiled he could hardly believe that a man who used a sound on many occasions had never done anything like this.

“Remember what I said about the shirt?” Dean looked at the floor.

How could he forget? Cas wanted nothing more than to run his hands over all of Dean’s skin, to bite and lick taut nipples, but if Dean didn’t want it then he wouldn’t even think of it. “I’ll leave it on. I want you to be comfortable, for this to be good for you.”

Dean turned those damn _eyes_ back on Cas. “Real good?” Dean smirked. Cas adored this side of Dean. Fun, happy and playful. It brought out something similar, something often missing, in Cas.

“Yes, Dean. _Real good.”_ With that, Cas stepped forward and kissed Dean. He licked into a willing mouth, driven by the heated desire between them. Dean’s hands slid up Cas’s sides and came to rest between his shoulder blades.

Nobody pushed the other toward the bed. It happened, just happened without their conscious interference, a sexual serendipity. But all of a sudden, Cas had perched like a wanton swallow at the foot of Dean’s bed; Dean straddled his lap easily. Their mouths never parted for more than a few moments. Cas couldn’t have handled any longer than that.

“Taste so good,” Dean said. “Can’t believe I waited so long to suck on that obscene tongue.”

“I’m relieved we’re not waiting anymore.” Cas nibbled Dean’s bottom lip then purred.

“I’m gonna have to start callin’ you kitten.”

Cas dug his fingers into Dean’s hips, pulling their erections tight together, coaxing a unified gasp from them both. “ _Please do.”_

Cas’s sexual submission never had anything to do with his physical size or weakness. Cas rarely missed the gym, and he ran most mornings, so it required little exertion to flip Dean around so he was lying on his back, a beautiful offering beneath Cas’s weight.

“Damn, kitten.”

Cas tugged on Dean’s earlobe with his teeth, and purred again.

Dean tossed his head back and laughed. His whole body rumbled with it. The sound was so infectious Cas couldn’t help but chuckle along and relax into this thing between them. This thing that has driven Cas mad since he first laid eyes on Dean. He wouldn't give it up, but rather give into it. Sometimes you have no choice but to drown. Dean Winchester was an ocean worth dying in.

Cas kissed Dean gently then slid like hot water down his body to tug off his socks. He remembered how much Dean liked this so he nibbled on Dean’s toe, pulling out a pretty growl from between kiss-swollen lips. Distracting Dean with his tongue, Cas began to pull Dean’s jeans off. Inch by inch, he bared Dean’s skin to him – freckled perfection covered in downy hair. Cas gasped. All the time, Cas had been here Dean hadn’t worn underwear. He'd begun to expect Dean had none. He had been delightfully, deliciously, _wickedly_ wrong.

With widened eyes, Cas just stared.

“Cas, what? What are you- ohh…I forgot to tell you I um…shit. This kind of ruins the whole tough guy effect, huh?”

It took him a moment, but Cas realized Dean was embarrassed. Blushing and shy about the satin and lace crimson panties that tried and failed to conceal all of his enormous dick.

“Dean,” Cas could hear his own arousal in his voice. Cas skimmed his fingers across the smooth fabric sending shivers of want through every inch of him.

“It was for um the scene I had planned for the day earlier and I uh forget to um-“

He could tell Dean was lying. _“Dean don’t._ You don’t have to.”

Dean buried his face in his pillow best he could from the angle. “I don't have anything else.”

“You always wear women's underwear?”

Face still in the pillow, Dean nodded.

“Why?”

“I like them.”

Cas’s eyes were still glued to where Dean’s skin glimpsed out beneath lace. Two inches higher was the hem of the worn Black Sabbath t-shirt. A juxtaposition of masculine and feminine that made pleasure curl like smoke between Cas’s legs.

“You find them arousing?” Cas asked.

Dean brought his hands up to cover his face more. “No. They’re just, they’re just pretty. Oh god, this is embarrassing.”

Cas kissed the satin and then ran his tongue over the lace. “You’re lovely, Dean. These look really great on you.” There was a lot more Cas could say but he was hard as a rock imagining the other panties Dean must have pale pink satin, little cotton ones with purple flowers, lacy thongs. Pretty, sweet small things he wore not because they turned him on, or turned his partners on, but just because he liked them.

Dean finally looked at Cas. “Really?”

“Yes, but I think we should get them off, don’t you?”

Dean smirked. “Hell yeah.”

Cas kissed the pre-come off Dean’s tip. He sucked the large head into his mouth, his cheeks stretching as he swallowed a bit more, sucking and licking, letting Dean writhe and groan. He loved that heavy weight in his mouth.

He dropped Dean’s dick and then bit the edge of Dean’s panties and worked them down and off his legs. Dean’s erection stood between his legs swollen red.

“I don’t know how that's going to fit someday when I…” Dean’s voice trailed off.

“My body will let you in,” Cas whispered. “Even if you decided to get your whole hand up there.”

Dean swallowed. “You’d let me?”

“Yes,” shit. What was he agreeing to? “But right now I want to be inside you.”

Dean softened, spread his legs a bit and showed off his gorgeous entrance. Tight, rose pink and virgin.

As fast as he could, Cas yanked off his own clothes and tossed them to the side. The air was that perfect chill on his bare skin that would keep him from getting way too hot.

Cas pulled plain lube out of Dean’s nightstand and drizzled it over his fingers.

“Flip over for me Dean, it’s easier.”

“Oh, right. I knew that.” Dean turned on his stomach then popped his tight ass into the air. Unable to resist, Cas buried his face between Dean’s cheeks and licked that sweet little hole.

Dean shouted, arms shooting forward and gripping the headboard. Dean arched his back.

“You’re the one who looks like a kitten,” Cas mumbled against Dean’s skin.

As Cas licked and sucked and dipped his tongue inside, Dean whimpered a symphony of pleases and Cas and fuck, fuck, fuck. It would be easier if Cas didn’t tell Dean, he’d be more relaxed if he didn’t know. So Cas secretly poured some more lube on his fingers and pressed his pointer finger into Dean in one smooth glide.

Dean stilled. “Cas?”

Cas slid his finger almost out and then thrust it back in. “Yes, Dean?”

“Is this really happening?”

“If you want it to.”

Dean was shaking, and he wordlessly responded by lifting that ass even higher. A beautiful display, not of submission, but of acceptance and desire. Cas kissed along Dean’s spine, using his other hand to stroke Dean’s dick firm and slow. As he slipped a second finger into the tight space, he touched that sugar sweet spot inside Dean that had him moaning and rocking back into Cas’s touch.

“That feels…I had no idea.”

Cas smiled. He could hardly believe that somebody like him could do this to somebody like Dean. It seemed impossible, too good to be true. But here it was – happening before his eyes. Undeniable.

Dean bloomed under Cas's touch, opening easily. And Cas, Cas beat with desire. The strong tight clench of Dean’s rim around his fingers. The silky softness of him inside. It was, Dean was, perfection.

Cas slid his fingers out and dropped his touch from Dean’s dick. Cas poured the lube directly onto his own dick and rubbed it in.

“W-what are you doing?”

“You're ready for me.”

Dean clenched his legs together. Still nervous. He didn’t need to be. Dean would always be safe here. In good, capable hands. Cas rubbed Dean’s legsgently, encouraging Dean to open back up to him.

“Cas…I, this is-“

“Do you want me, Dean? Do you want this?” _Please, please say yes._

Dean didn’t respond with words, but he spread his legs, pressed his head into the pillow and showed his wet, puffy hole to Cas again.

Heart wild, breath shaking, Cas lifted higher onto his knees, pressing his tip against Dean’s entrance. There was resistance as Cas pushed, but he sunk in slowly, a tight, hot pressure on his dick. He’d fucked guys before, though rarely, as he was usually on the receiving end, and this was far beyond anything he’d encountered before. Cas gripped onto Dean’s shirt, using it to anchor Dean against him. Dean panted and hissed as Cas sunk deeper, deeper, deeper until finally he could go no further. Cas and Dean were as close as they could physically be.

Cas kissed the damp hair at the nape of Dean’s neck, breathed in the intoxicating smell of him.

“How do you feel?” Cas whispered.

Dean’s breaths came hard and heavy. “Good…stretched…full.”

“I’m glad.” Cas pulled back and pushed back in slowly, deeply, nearly unconscious with pleasure. “Never felt anything like you Dean Winchester. Never.”

Then, it just _was._ Two separate bodies meeting, becoming temporarily one entity, sliding along each other, like colliding galaxies. Dean rutted his ass back and Cas met him eagerly.

Dean shouted as Cas hammered into him. He tore the sheets half way off the bed. Those marvelous hands flexing, contracting, with each of Cas's powerful thrusts. Their sweaty bodies slid against each other as Cas relaxed on Dean’s back. It was so hot, Cas would have assumed it was a fever if he hadn't known it was Dean making him feel like this.

“Fuck, fuck FUCK!” Dean shouted. “I’m close, angel. Right there.”

“Right. Behind. You.” Cas punctuated word with a hard thrust that made Dean unf, unf, _unf._

“Come for me, Dean. Come with me inside you.”

Dean screamed, actually screamed. His ass clenching pretty and rhythmic as he shot his load all over the rucked up sheets. The sights and sensations finally took their toll on Cas, and he came with hurricane force desire, emptying into Dean’s ass, filling him up.

Cas panted against Dean’s cotton-shirt, catching his breath before slowly, carefully, easy out of Dean. His hole was red now, swollen and wet. Trails of Cas’s come dripped out of Dean slowly and drizzled onto the bed. He resisted the urge to grab his phone and take a picture. This was like seeing the Grand Canyon; it needed to be documented, a memory preserved. Instead, Cas just lay down and pulled the limp, pink-skinned man into his chest.

“Thanks,” Dean said, looking fantastically fucked out.

“Shh, Dean. Let me hold you.”

Pliant and soft, Dean curled against Cas’s chest. Cas stroked his hair and buried his nose in it too. He smelled like that good shampoo, and he smelled like Cas. They dozed off together, just like that.

 

When Cas woke up, Dean was no longer in bed with him. He blinked a few times to clear his vision. It was dim and Dean moved quickly in the corner of his room. The pale green panties caught Cas’s eye first but then he noticed Dean wasn't wearing a shirt. Cas knew Dean didn’t want him to see, but before he looked away – Cas saw it. Where he had expected smooth tan skin dotted with brown freckles, he found instead something that broke his heart.

“Cas!” Dean’s voice cracked as he pulled up a shirt to cover himself. “You were asleep. You were supposed to be-”

“I’m so sorry.”

Dean frowned. “So now you know. I’m ugly.”


	11. Chapter 11

Cas slid out of bed, wanting to be close to Dean, but Dean pulled the shirt tighter to his chest. The fabric covered most of his torso and a section of the cute panties he was wearing.

“Please don’t.” His voice shook. Dean looked afraid. He should never have to look like that, especially with Cas.

Stomach twisting, Cas stopped. He would not push Dean, but, at the same time, expressing to Dean that he wasn't bothered by this was important too.

“I’m sorry I saw when you didn't want me to.”

“Why’d you have to look?”

“It was an accident, but Dean it doesn't change anything.”

Dean huffed. “Of course it does, It always does.”

 _Not this time,_ Cas thought. _Not with me._

“You really don't have to hide from me.”

Dean tensed, changing the shadow cast on the wall. Slowly, he lowered the shirt away from his body as he let out a breath. “Guess you’ve already seen. Damage done.”

The skin on the left half of Dean’s chest and torso was too white for his body, loose and slightly wrinkled, near his left hip and chest. In addition, the nipple on that side was completely missing. Cas’s best guess was that the scarring came from a burn incident that maybe didn't receive proper treatment.

In no way did any of those things disqualify Dean as the most beautiful person Cas had ever seen.

“So, there it is. You don't have to stay – pity just makes it worse.”

“I don't pity you and I don't want to leave.” Cas approached cautiously. He watched for a sign Dean wanted him to back away, but Dean subconsciously or not, leaned toward Cas.

He reached out his hand. “May I?”

Dean paused but nodded.

Cas didn't hesitate. There wasn't a part of Dean that Cas would not feel honored to touch.

The skin was softer than average skin, smooth and hairless. Up close he could see some stretch mark looking scars.

“Gross, huh?”

“No. I’m sorry for how this makes you feel, and I am so sorry for the physical pain you must have endured, but it is _not_ gross. You are not ugly, Dean Winchester.”

The fact that Dean could even entertain the idea, for a moment, that he was ugly, was just heartbreaking and wrong.

With the moonlight from outside leaking in the room, Cas could see the ruddy color of Dean’s blush. “When I was five, our house caught fire. Sam and my dad got out fine, but I was badly burnt and my mom…she didn’t make it.”

“Oh, Dean.”

“It's all right, Cas. It was a long time ago. My family couldn’t afford the plastic surgeries to make me look somewhat normal, so… this is just how it’s always been.”

Cas’s touch remained against Dean’s chest, his thumb smoothing back and forth. A little hiss escaped Dean’s lips. “Is this okay, Dean?”

Cas wanted to keep his hands on Dean. He’d used his hands for many things in the 35 years of his life, but only since coming here did he realize what they had been created to do – touch Dean.

Dean swallowed and nodded. “I can’t believe you want to.”

Cas kissed the skin where Dean’s nipple would’ve been, causing Dean to stiffen and release a broken sob. “Are you sure? You seem-“ Dean had to want this, had to be okay with it. He’d never touch him without his consent, without his desire.

“It’s been years since…since anyone except doctors…oh, Cas. Please.”

Licking over Dean’s skin, Cas hummed. He loved the salty-sweet-soap taste of Dean; he couldn’t get enough of it.

“I got tired,” Dean said. “So damn tired of the way women would look at me – like my face was false advertisement. Women left – right in the middle of – as soon as they saw. Some stayed, but turned off the lights or kept their eyes shut – and they wouldn’t…none of them would touch.”

“Idiots,” Cas said. “Absolute idiots.” He trailed his tongue down Dean’s torso, dipping into his navel. There was…Cas wanted to break apart with laughter because this, this was so normal, so human. Dean had belly button lint, and Cas had just licked it out. He wiped it off his tongue with the back of his hand.

He’d been wrong, Cas suddenly realized, to call Dean those things… perfection… adonis...to imagine him flawless was a discredit to him, to imagine him as more or less than what he was. Dean, just Dean, who cooks delicious foods and falls asleep drooling on the couch, who gets carried away with desire and chases Cas down in a rainstorm. Dean who has belly button lint. Boring sometimes, just like Cas was boring sometimes. A hundred different things, a hundred contradictions.

As his fingers gripped into Dean’s hips and his face nuzzled against Dean’s panty-covered dick, Cas didn’t want the ideal, he wanted whatever Dean had, blemishes and beauty, good and bad. He’d accept nothing less than exactly what Dean was.

“ _Cas, Cas...”_ Dean’s wide hands braced themselves on the back of Cas’s head.

“Let me, Dean. Let me show you.”

 

. . .

 

Cas and Dean ended back up in the bed again, the sheets still not fixed.

Dean had come so beautifully for Cas, and Cas had swallowed down without a thought other than he wanted as much of Dean inside him as he could get.

Loose and pliant, Dean rubbed some lube on Cas’s dick, and then sat down on Cas’s lap, riding him slow and easy with Cas’s hands on his chest, and Dean’s hands in his own hair as he writhed and clenched around tightly around Cas.

Cas had never _loved_ being the top, then he met Dean, who of course made him question everything he knew about everything. Screaming, Cas came inside Dean, and it was absolutely brilliant.

Once he regained the ability to breathe and think, Cas flipped Dean over, spread his legs and brought his mouth to Dean’s gorgeous red fucked-out asshole.

“Cas! _Cas! Holy shit!_ ”

Cas just laughed against Dean’s skin and worked his tongue against the soft, swollen rim, coaxing his own release back into his mouth. Cas’s tongue was slick with the lube and his own jizz and just the taste of Dean, when suddenly strong arms hauled him up and into a deep kiss.

This was dirty, so incredibly dirt- and Cas did _not_ care. Oh, god. He did not as Dean’s tongue threaded into his mouth and sucked all that come back into his own mouth. Dean broke the kiss and grinned up at Cas like a proud little shit. Holding in a laugh, Cas leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“Did you seriously just do that?” Cas asked against Dean’s sweat-tart skin.

Dean ruffled his hair. “You started it, sticking your tongue up my ass like that.” He shoved Cas off him and got out of bed. “We should go brush our teeth before we get like ass-mouth or something.”

Cas snorted. “Is that a real illness, Dean? Ass mouth?”

“Yeah, it’s like Athlete’s Foot. Don’t believe me, check Web MD.”

Regardless of the validity of “ass mouth”, they both brushed, flossed (come on Cas, it add 6 years to your life) and used mouthwash. Cas liked this – the domesticity of it – doing these little routines together, bumping shoulders and accidentally stepping on toes. He could get used to it, even if he’d never really get the chance to do that. Cas couldn’t think about that right now – about the inevitable end.

When they crawled back in bed, Dean leaned over and pecked Cas on the mouth. “We have the rest of the week, you know?”

“Yeah?”

“You wanna play again? We don’t have to,” Dean said sheepishly. “I’d be happy to just keep it up like this the rest of the time. It’s just – I mean – you’re really hot, like all the time, but I love you in that pink collar, all sweet and compliant for me.”

And yes, as much as Dean liked Cas like that, Cas loved Dean too when he was all hard angles and lines, commanding voice, barely contained power. He loved that, loved succumbing to it. He loved all the parts of Dean.

“Mmm. What about a little bit of both?”

Dean grinned, pulling Cas into his chest. “Little bit of both. That sounds awesome, man.” Dean bit gently on the top of Dean’s ear. “Tomorrow, I’m gonna tie you up, blindfold you, spank you until you’re crying, and then…then Cas I’m gonna fuck your ass. Hard.” Cas mouth dropped open, eyes so wide they bruned.

With a soft chuckle, Dean pecked Cas gently on the forehead. “Good night.”

Right, because Cas could sleep with _that_ on his mind. He was gonna be worse than a kid on Christmas Eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that was a bit short, but I felt like that was a good place to end it ;) with Dean's little preview of what's next. Thanks for reading. Thanks for everyone who's being commenting, and if you haven't stopped by to say 'hi' and let me know what you think, I'd love to hear from you too!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this was late. I've been sick and just not able to write. Hope all the smut makes up for it a bit :)

“Take your clothes off and put on your collar,” Dean’s gruff voice woke Cas from sleep. He blinked a few times, bleary eyed, then yawned and slid out from underneath the covers.

“’m hungry.”

Dean grinned, an intoxicating, wicked thing. “I’ll feed my pretty little sub don’t even worry about.” He ran a hand through Cas’s hair. Shivers followed in their wake.

The pink collar dangled from Dean’s finger. He unclasped it and then hooked it around Cas’s throat. He pulled it on a slot tighter than usual, barely enough for Dean to get two fingers under it.

“Too tight?” Dean growled in Cas’s ear.

“No, sir.”

Dean tugged on the collar, yanking Cas forward. He gasped.

“You know better than to speak without permission.” Dean ran a thumb over Cas’s lips. “I think we’ll have to gag you. Make sure you comply with my rules.”

Cas shook his head.

“Why not?” Dean asked. “You can speak?”

“Because, sir, I want to be able to…make noise, to let you know how good you make me feel.” Cas could feel the heat of a blush burning his cheeks, despite how true the words were – or maybe because of it.

“I’d like that too. Hearing you whimper and beg and cry.” Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and pulled it between his own legs. “See how hard I am just thinking about that.” Dean pulled Cas’s hand away. “But you see, baby, sometimes punishments aren’t fun for me either, but they’re necessary. You’ve got to learn.”

Dean let go of Cas long enough to get something from the top drawer of his dresser. Cas couldn’t see exactly what it was because most of it was concealed in Dean’s large fist. About to head back towards Cas, he turned around and remembered something else – Cas’s leash.

He attached the pink leather to Cas’s collar and lead him out of the bedroom into the kitchen.

“Sit on the floor.”

Cas knelt down on his knees.

Dean shook his head. “I said to sit. You’ll hurt your knees if you kneel.”

Cas moved so his ass was on the hardwood and he wrapped his hands around his legs. Cas suddenly remembered that Dean had promised to keep Cas in the plug all the time. He’d hardly worn it…he wondered if that would change these last few days? It didn’t matter. He shouldn’t be so distracted.

Waiting in silence, the delicious scents of the breakfast Dean was cooking filled Cas’s nostrils. His back was turned so he couldn’t be certain what Dean was making, but he smelled cinnamon, oranges and ginger, and his mouth watered.

A few moments later, Dean came to the kitchen table with a plate stacked high with cinnamon rolls, dripping with orange cream cheese. Dean tore off a piece with his fingers and brought it to Cas’s lips. Cas opened his mouth without being told and Dean pressed the sweet roll onto Cas’s tongue, making him moan. Nobody cooked like Dean Winchester.

In just the same way, Dean fed Cas the remainder of the rolls, bite after bite, from his fingers. He even made Cas lick all the cream cheese frosting off Dean’s hand and the plate. Holding a small glass of milk to Cas’s lips, Dean said, “Drink.” And Cas did. It was so easy to follow Dean’s orders.

Dean wiped Cas’s mouth with a napkin, which he found a little embarrassing, but it was over quickly, and Dean was pulling Cas back to his feet by his leash.

“Now that you’re fed, do you know what we’re going to do, baby? You can speak.”

Cas shook his head.

“Guess.”

Cas let out a huff of air. He didn’t like guessing. Who did really? But his dom asked him so what was he going to do about it? “Um…that thing you said last night.”

Dean chuckled. “Oh, yes, there’s that, but first.” Dean grabbed something off the counter and held it in front of Cas’s face. It was the object he’d pulled out of his drawer, Cas assumed. A black nylon ball gag. Cas frowned.

“Oh, don’t pout. You knew this was coming. You remember our silent safeword?”

Cas nodded.

“Show me.”

So Cas lifted up two fingers, stretched them part, basically a peace sign.

“Good,” Dean replied, and Cas put down his hand.

His face became more neutral but his shoulder sagged as Dean pressed the gag into his mouth. The moment Dean fastened the straps, however, Cas remembered just how much he liked being gagged. His heart started to race, and his dick swelled, not all the way, but enough.

Dean grabbed Cas’s cock roughly, making Cas’s eyes goes wide. He jacked it a few times, rubbing his thumb over the slit, coaxing out a bit of pre-come. Leaning toward his ear, Dean whispered, “You like that, baby? You like when you can’t speak, when you’ve got those pretty little lips stretched around something? You like having your mouth filled up?”

Cas gave a muffled sound of agreement, but that was all he could do.

Dean tugged on the leash. “Now, I’ve got to make good on what I promised you last night.”

Cas flushed hot all over remembering Dean’s words from the night before: _Tomorrow, I’m gonna tie you up, blindfold you, spank you until you’re crying, and then…then Cas I’m gonna fuck your ass. Hard._

Dean grabbed a black cloth out of one of the drawers and tied it over Cas’s eyes until he could see nothing.

. . .

 

Cas didn’t know exactly where he was at first, though he knew he was outside, with the breeze and the fresh, mountain air, but suddenly he was being backed up against something cold, unrelenting and metal. He recoiled from it at first but Dean pressed Cas until he lay back.

Cloth ties bound his wrists and ankles and pulled tight so his arms were spread above his head and his legs stretched out, his knees pushed up slightly, exposing his ass. He was lying on his stomach, and his face was pressed against what he could only assume was glass. That fear of being exposed outdoors like this crept back in, but he trusted Dean now in a way he didn’t trust him before because he knew him, so Cas let himself relax, let himself feel Dean’s rough but sure touches. The heat of his breath and the sound of his voice. Cas’s erection was stiff, and he was pretty sure was leaking, as it pressed against the metal.

“Do you know where you are?” Dean breathed heavily in Cas’s ear.

Cas swallowed, considering outside, glass, metal. Then he realized he couldn’t answer because he was still gagged. Cas just shook his head no – he was too edgy to think of anything, his mind spinning.

“Wanna see?”

Cas nodded.

Dean bit down on Cas’s earlobe. “In a little bit – but first thing’s first.”

Somehow Cas could sense that Dean had pulled away from him. Instinctively, Cas wanted to pull him back. Everything was better and safer if Dean were close to him.

Out of nowhere, a heavy slap came down on Cas’s inner thigh. He thrashed against the restraints, feeling their pull sharply. The slap of Dean’s hand came down again on the other thigh even harder. Then on each ass cheek, and between his ass cheeks, right across his rim.

“So pretty like this,” Dean moaned and licked a stripe up Cas’s leg. He slapped the cold wet spot.

It went on for awhile. Each slap different than the other in some way, slower, faster, harder, lighter, all over his skin until it buzzed. Dean whispered sweetly between rounds, “Your doing so good.” “So strong.” “You’ll remember now, won’t you? To only speak when I tell you.”

Cas would nod vigorously when Dean would say the last one, but Dean would just keep on spanking Cas, and Cas would be lying if he said he minded. Of course he liked the physical pain, he got off on it, if his ridiculously hard cock was anything to go by. Like ridiculously hard – because that hot pleasure was coiling in his stomach, singing through his skin, he wanted and wanted and wanted, and found himself rutting against the metal as best he could given the restraints as Dean kept on and on.

“Cas, oh God, Cas,” Dean pressed his stubbly cheek against Cas’s lower back. “You’re close aren’t you? So close to coming just from me spanking you?”

As unlikely as it seemed, Cas was damn close, especially because he’d been able to buck and rub his cock against the steel beneath him.

“Then that’s how you’re going to come, angel. I’m going to keep spanking you until you come, is that clear?”

Cas’s dick twitched and he groaned around the ball-gag, nodding.

“Good.” Dean slapped Cas’s hard again – and again – and again.

Frantically, Cas was humping the metal, trying to get as much friction as he possibly could and keep his focus between the searing slaps he kept receiving at unpredictable intervals. Drool was slipping out between his lips and the gag. In desperation and want, tears leaked from his eyes, most just wetting the blindfold, but some slipping out and spilling down his cheeks.

Suddenly, Dean’s hand smacked down hard against the back of Cas’s balls and that was it. It burned and boiled over. He was flexing, tensing and coming in shot after shot all over himself and whatever he was tied to –a car! He realized, half madly, it’s a car. It’s Dean’s car. He just came all over –

Dean tore the blindfold off Cas’s head, and Cas gasped. He wasn’t on Dean’s car – he was tied to the Lincoln. He didn’t come all over Dean’s car, but his own. He had been bound and spanked on his own car – _holy shit._

Frantically, Dean was pulling off the gag and crushing his lips awkwardly to Cas’s, the angle strange. Dean didn’t seem to care, however, just mauling Cas’s face.

“That was the fucking hottest thing I have ever fucking seen,” Dean muttered between wild kisses. “Want you so bad. I can fuck you, right? Tell me I can fuck you?”

“Yes, yes,” Cas said back. “God, yes, please. Fuck me…sir”

Dean kissed him one more time, and then he was behind Cas again. Cas couldn’t see him, but he heard his zipper being undone, the cap of a lube bottle being opened and suddenly, Dean’s fingers were inside Cas, moving and stretching, pushing with enough force that Cas was sliding on the hood in his own jizz.

Dean just kept saying Cas in this fucked out voice, that made Cas want to get hard again, but he was way too old for that shit, and getting it up again had never been a strength of his anyway. But Cas didn’t care about coming again, Cas just wanted Dean inside him. Dean was so fucking huge and Cas wanted to be stretched around that size, feeling every inch, without the distraction of his own arousal.

“Are you ready, Cas?” Dean asked, his breaths hot, heavy puffs.

“Yes, Dean. Please… _fuck me._ ”

Dean groaned, and then it was happening. That huge, porn-sized dick pressed against his rim and Cas just…relaxed. He expected to fight it a bit, fight the size, but no, this was Dean and he gave into him, not like a breaking dam, but like a river, easily turning course.

It burned a bit, but Cas liked pain and was used to it, he wanted to feel this, and he did, but more than the inch by inch of Dean sinking into him, Cas felt his own heartbeat, a slow, deep thump. He felt his own breaths, steady and complete. Cas was safe here, happy here, _wanted_ here.

Dean bottomed out and leaned down on Cas’s back, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

“So good, baby. You feel…you’re incredible. I have to move. Have to…”

And he did. Cas expected him to sort of just pound into him after what he said the night before, – which was fine – but not always Cas’s favorite. But no. Dean moved expertly. Cas guessed he _was_ an expert, at least with women. Slow, and deep, so Cas could feel everything, feel Dean’s hands squeeze his hips or tug on his hair. Dean rotated his hips in just the right way so his dick prodded Cas’s prostate and he called out, gasping, his spent dick giving another twitch. It was so good; they had to do this more, a million times more, because Cas wanted to be hard when this happened too – wanted to come on Dean’s dick. He wanted everything.

“So. Close. Cas. So. Fucking. Close.”

Now his thrusts were fasted, more perfunctory, so Cas knew they were for Dean’s pleasure alone and Cas liked that, liked being used by Dean, so he went softer, his whole body relaxing, and let himself be used, be fucked. By Dean. Only by Dean.

No. That was _not_ a good thought.

Dean grunted and slowed. That large dick twitching and spurting deep inside Cas, filling him up. He collapsed on Cas’s back, still inside him.

“Gotta get that collar off,” Dean muttered against Cas’s skin. “Need to talk to you. Need you. Just you.”

Dean’s hands slid up Cas’s sweaty back and fumbled at Cas’s collar.

“What the _fuck?”_ A woman’s voice came out of nowhere, making Cas’s heart skip.

Dean’s voice cracked. “Jess?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this is a few days late. I've got a second job now so I might be a little less consistent in my posting. I just don't want to make a promise I can't keep and disappoint anyone when I can always post on Thursdays. Thanks for your patience and being awesome!

Cas tugged on the restraints in an effort to cover himself. He’d forgotten he was tied, and so tightly for that matter. There was no way for him to conceal any of his skin. To hide it from this woman. _Jess,_ Cas thought, _Sam’s girlfriend._

“Oh, god,” it was Jess again. She threw an arm over her eyes. “Jesus Christ, Dean.”

“Dean,” Cas said, kind of pathetically, and he would have regretted it instantly had something not clicked into Dean’s head at the sound of his name, something that made him tear off the t-shirt he was wearing and throw it over Castiel’s junk. That helped, but holy shit, Dean’s come was pooling out of his ass. He was going to die of embarrassment.

“How the _fuck_ did you get in here?” Dean sounded pissed, and it was the first time he could see and hear the difference between the angry he got with Cas while they were playing and Dean’s real true “pissed-off-ness”.

“I climbed the gate.” Keeping her arm over her eyes, Jess turned her back to Dean.

“There’s barbed wire.”

“So, I threw my coat over it. It’s not the first time I’ve climbed over a barbed wire fence, Winchester.”

“You know that’s called trespassing.”

Cas was feeling exposed and stupid because not only was he buck naked, but he was wearing a collar. He felt humiliated. “A little help, Dean.”

“Oh, yeah, shit.” Dean started working Cas out of the restraints, starting with his arms and then his legs. Cas tore the collar off the minute he could get his hands where they needed to be.

“I’m assuming Sam’s not here,” she said, “he’s a pretty cool guy, but not even he is cool enough for this.”

Cas didn’t know Sam well. He seemed nice enough, but Cas had no idea if Jess meant Sam wouldn’t be cool with the kinky outdoor scene or if he wouldn’t be cool with Dean and men. Dean had said he and Sam were raised by a bigoted father, so it could certainly be. Suddenly, Cas felt a lot more worried for Dean than for himself.

He should probably be running inside, not just hiding behind his car, but if this was going to turn into some anti-gay rant, Cas was going to be here for his…for his…uhh…for his Dean.

“What are you doing here, Jess?” Dean asked.

“Well, when I got home from Michigan. I’m assuming he told you. I found that Sam was gone. The only thing he left was a post it note saying. “Gone to see Dean”. I tried to call him but he wouldn’t pick up the phone. I mean, he did the first time, but then-“

“But what?”

“He didn’t like what I had to say.”

Dean crossed his arms. “And what was that?”

Jess turned around, apparently not so much caring that Cas was still hiding naked behind his Lincoln Continental. “That I’m still married. That it’s gonna be while before I can remedy that.” Her eyes went to Dean and widened. She blinked a few times, then her face returned to neutral.

“Well no shit Moore.” Dean snorted. “I don’t know how you can do this to him. Sam’s…Sam’s like a wholesome kind of guy. He’s a 2.5 kids and a yard, an only ever loving one woman, kind of guy.” He looked to Cas, an arm across his torso. “What’s the term for a male mistress?”

“How would I…” it was a good question, “Monsieur?”

“I don’t think so, Cas,” Dean said. “A mister?”

Jess huffed. “Does it fucking matter? No, it doesn’t, because he’s not my fucking mistress. It was never like that. God, is that what he thinks?”

“What he thinks, Jess, is that he was lied to by the love of his life. What he thinks is that it’s all some way of getting back at your ‘real’ husband-“

Jess looked like she was going to interject so Dean continued with, “his words, not mine. And, to top it all off, my brother’s fiancée now knows I’m…you know.”

“The word you’re looking for is gay,” Jess said. “It’s three letters. Not so hard to say.”

“I’m not gay.”

“Dude, you had a man tied to a car wearing a collar while your dick was hanging out. It was pretty damn gay.”

“He’s not gay,” Cas snapped. “He’s bisexual, just like I am. Dean’s attraction to me and to men has absolutely no bearing on his attraction to women as well. And as much as I’m kind of pissed at him for promising me that nobody could possibly come in here and stare at my naked ass, I’m not going to stand here and let him be mocked-“

“ _Whoa,_ naked collar guy, just back the fuck up. I wasn’t mocking him. I’m a little shocked is all. I’m just trying to process knowing way more about my future brother-in-law than a girl ever needs to know.”

Cas looked over at Dean. Dean was frowning and his forehead was wrinkled. “Are you gonna tell Sam?”

“I don’t think I should keep more secrets for Sam, if I’m ever gonna get him to trust me again.”

“I don’t think he needs to know this,” Dean said.

Jess laughed. “I didn’t mean – we can omit the 50 Shades of Grey shit.”

“Hey,” both Cas and Dean said immediately.

Dean pointed his finger at Jess. “This is _nothing_ like 50 Shades. I resent being compared to that trash.”

Jess shook her head, her eyes rolling. “Whatever. I don’t care. I just meant your being into dudes or whatever. Like that’s a big secret to keep from Sam, Dean.”

Dean looked down at his boots and then back up at Jess. “ _Please_ don’t tell him. Just _don’t._ ”

An angry heat burned in Cas’s cheeks. It was stupid. He knew Dean was closeted. He _knew_ that, had known it going in, and he couldn’t change the rules now but he was also pretty sure that that Bobby guy had to know something so he expected Dean to be more open, especially with Sam. It really _was_ stupid, but he felt like Dean was ashamed of him, of Cas, not just of being bisexual.

The fiery heat of embarrassment rushed back to Cas, and he was wrapping Dean’s flannel around his waist to hide as much as he could and then hurrying back inside Dean’s cabin, all the way to Dean’s bedroom.

The moment he got behind those doors, Cas collapsed on the ground. Feeling a sub drop like he hadn’t felt in years, he pulled his knees into his chest and started to shake.

Cas had been vulnerable. So fucking vulnerable, just trusting Dean in a way he hadn’t allowed himself in a long time. Dean had collared him, gagged him, tied him up naked outside, blindfolded him, beat his ass until Cas was crying and coming and then he’d fucked him. Jesus, Dean just fucked him for the first time. He didn’t even have time to process.

Then after all that, he was exposed to some strange woman, and basically, for all Cas’s brain could understand, been publically rejected. Cas felt dizzy and nauseous. This week, this program, was supposed to be fun. He knew sub drop was just occasionally part of the deal, but his dom was supposed to be here to help him through it. But how could he? Dean was too damn embarrassed of him.

Cas wasn’t sure how long he sat there alone on the floor before he heard Dean’s voice calling for him.

“Cas? Cas, where are you?” Dean stepped through the door. “Oh, shit, baby. Are you okay? I’m sorry. Shit.” Dean reached out for Cas, but Cas jolted away from him. “Oh, Jesus. I am so sorry. God, please can you forgive me? I never meant…I never fucking suspected. I broke your trust and I feel like a douche.”

Cas looked up at Dean and barked, “I don’t give a fuck about that.”

“Then, what is it? So I can fix it.”

“I know I’m just some man who showed up accidentally at your front door, but you can’t just scene like that, you can’t just fuck me like that, like it means something, and expect…” Cas couldn’t figure out how to phrase this.

“Expect what?”

Cas looked at Dean again, blinking a few times. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Of course he wasn’t because he’d give it to Cas, so Cas could cover himself.

“You’re not wearing a shirt.”

Dean glanced down at himself. “Oh, yeah, no I’m not.”

“Because you gave it to me.”

Dean blushed and nodded. Without considering himself, Dean had exposed his biggest secret to Jess, all to make Cas feel better. The anger dissipated. He’d just been put first in a way Cas had never been before.

“Hey, uh, Cas. This may not be the time to ask this, but I was wondering if you go fishing with Sam and me?”

Cas tilted his head. “What?”

“I don’t want to be alone when I tell him about us.”

The way Dean said _us._ Not tell Sam he liked dicks or that he was bisexual or sometimes into dudes or however he wanted to phrase it. No, Dean wanted to tell his brother about Cas.

With a shaky breath of disbelief, Cas leaned back against the wall. “Jess gonna tell him if you don’t?”

Dean shook his head. “This why you’re pissed? Because of how I reacted to Jess saying I should tell Sam.”

“It’s stupid.”

“No it’s not,” Dean scooted in a bit closer. “You’re dropping pretty hard, aren’t you?”

Cas couldn’t look at the other man. “Yes, Dean.”

Dean gave Cas a crooked smile. “Can I hold you through it? When you feel better, we’ll take a bath together, all right?”

“Yes, Dean.”

Still shirtless, Dean moved to sit beside Cas. He stretched his arm out over Cas’s shoulder and pulled him into his chest.

“Dean?” Cas asked, voice slightly shaky.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

“Huh?”

Cas sniffled. “Back before Jess showed up, you said you needed me, that you wanted to talk to me.”

Dean kissed the top of Cas’s head. “Oh, it was nothing, baby. I just wanted to talk to you. I like talking to you.”

Cas settled in against Dean, trying as much as could to relax, but at the same time, he knew that there was more, there was something, Dean was not telling him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I write stuff and I think...is this it? Is this the dirtiest thing I've ever written, does it get dirtier? (maybe it's not that bad idk you decide) These are the thought I am left with at the end of this chapter :P You know, so like, brace yourself and I would suggest not reading this at family dinner, although that's probably good advice for almost anything I write. You all are the absolute best and please let me know what you think because I like to talk to all you awesome people. Okay, I will shut up now so you can proceed into the smut.

The air smelled like green apples and vanilla from the bubble bath Dean had poured generously into the claw foot tub. 

Cas loved that the bath was big enough for him to stretch out and soak his sore legs. And, more than that, he was glad that the bath was big enough to fit Dean too.

Starting from across the tub, Cas had made his way over so his head was pillowed against Dean's chest. Both of them were playing with the layer of cream-colored bubbles floating at the top of water.

Dean scooped up a handful and plopped it on Cas's head.

"Hey," Cas whined, knocking the bubbles off.

"Sorry, man," Dean pressed a kiss into his hair, and Cas smiled. "Couldn't resist.”

Cas ran his toes up and down Dean's calves, pressing lightly into the muscle. "How are you, Dean?"

Skirting his fingertips down Cas's arm, Dean said, "I'm fine."

"Are you? I mean I was thinking about myself but Jess is someone you know, and with Sam, you're the one being shoved out of the closet."

"It's not...ideal, but it's fine. I should've told Sam about this a long time ago. I just never had a reason to before you."

Cas nuzzled into Dean, kissing his scarred chest gently. A firm but gentle hand stroked his cheek. 

"But Dean?"

"Mm-hm?" Dean replied sleepily.

"I'm leaving in a few days."

Dean let out a loud huff of air. "I know." His voice was tense.

"Wait? Is this what you wanted talk to me about?" Cas twisted in Dean's arms so he was looking up at his face. The man was frowning, but the stray bubbles caught on his cheek made him seem less intimidating.

"Yeah, but it was dumb."

"I doubt it was dumb"

Dean shook his head. "It was...because I, uh, I wanted to ask you to, you know, keep this going when the week is up."

A warmth blossomed in Cas's chest, but it quickly cooled. "Dean, I live five hours away."

Sighing, Dean kissed Cas's forehead. "I know, baby. That's why I said it was stupid."

"People make long distance work," Cas trailed fingers up Dean's chest. It was a silly thought to even entertain, but he wanted to even if just for a moment.

"We don't even really know each other," Dean dragged out the words as his eyes locked in on Cas's and their mouths slowly drew together.

Before Cas knew it, they were kissing. Dean opened Cas's lips and applied just the right amount of pressure with his own mouth. Those sure hands cupped Cas’s face, as they just kissed. Both spent from earlier, there was no demand to this. They did this just to feel each other.

"Dean, what do you do?" Cas interrupted.

"Huh?" Dean kissed him once softly then pulled back.

"Your job. You know what I do, but you never told me."

Dean frowned. "I know I didn't."

"What? Is it some sort of secret?"

"It's not a secret; I just thought it might ruin the illusion."

Cas stiffened, his stomach sinking. "I don't want any of this, of us, to be an illusion."

"I'm a waiter. Pathetic, huh?"

"No," Cas answered quickly. "I started at the hotel as a bell hop."

"Started is key there, angel. You're not that much older than me and I've been working in the same dumb job for a decade. I don't like telling people. It makes me...I feel like a failure."

Cas nestled closer in Dean's arms. "Being a waiter is nothing to be ashamed of, but if you want something else in life, you should try and get it."

"I wish it were that easy, Cas."

"There's always a reason not to try."

Dean ran a hand through Cas's hair and smiled at him. "Like with us?"

"You think we should give it a go? When this week ends?" Cas couldn't hide the smile blooming on his face.

"All I know, man, is I'm not ready to lose you."

"Me either." Cas grinned up at Dean, as excitement and nerves built inside him.

"First things first," Dean said. "This water is freezing." Grinning, Dean reached around Cas to let the water out of the tub.

Cas could feel his pounding heart. How could this be happening? How could Dean actually want to see where this could go?

 

After they dried each other off from the bath, Cas pulled on a pair of Dean's sweats and went shirtless (at Dean's request) and Dean tugged on a pair of pink zebra-striped cotton panties and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt - a boner-inducing combination in Cas's opinion.

They spent the rest of the day just hanging out, and Cas loved the comfortable ease of it. Dean called his brother about fishing the next day. They watched some old episodes of Star Trek, played some more cards and just talked. Cas found out Dean's favorite color, which was blue. Dean got into cooking a lot because his dad would never do it. He started doing scenes about seven years ago as a sub for women. He didn't like it as much as he thought he would, but one time he dommed and was hooked. Dean calls his car "baby" and loves fixing machines of any sort as a hobby. His hands aren't calloused from being a waiter, but from being a volunteer firefighter.

"You can do that? After what happened? Aren't you afraid?" Cas asked.

Dean nodded. "Sure, but I don't know it's cathartic in its own way."

He also kept the entire property here himself, from tree removal to fixing the gravel roads. Dean would love to own a diner, and wanted to visit Australia some time before he died. Growing up, he was too busy taking care of Sam to graduate but he has his GED.

There were also the things Cas knew about Dean from his own observations. Dean got mad, like really grumpy and ragey, when he couldn't find something. He would hum classic rock to himself while he cooked. He talked in his sleep, usually nonsense, but sometimes Cas was would catch names and words "Sam, fire, Cas". Dean was protective and generous. Rough around the edges, both masculine and feminine. When he smiled it was like, yes, this is the sort of thing Shakespeare would've written sonnets about, the kind of thing countries went to war over. 

It had only been a few a days. Everything he was feeling, though, was getting harder and harder to deny. Cas was falling in love.

 

. . .

 

The next morning Dean and Cas woke tangled in each other's arms. With Dean looking all bed-head and sleepy eyed, Cas took the initiative to crawl down Dean's body, pull his panties down around Dean's knees with his teeth and then take Dean's dick into his mouth.

Dean groaned. "God, angel, you sure know how to wake a man up."

Cas hummed and took Dean a little deeper. Just when Cas would think he was used to Dean's size, his dick would grow just a bit more as it hardened, stretching Cas's lips around the width. Cas tried to go deeper and had love/hate relationship with the way it made him gag.

Dean thrust into his mouth, hips pumping. Dean certainly had more faith in Cas's ability to deep throat than Cas did in himself.

"You can do it, Cas."

Cas pulled off and said, "You're bigger than you think, Jackass."

Suddenly, Dean leaned forward gripping Cas's shoulders and pulling him up. "Come up here, you mouthy bastard, so I can shut you up properly."

Lips curling into a smirk, Cas let Dean move him the way he wanted. The hardness in Dean's eyes sent a rush of arousal through his body. Cas was totally into demanding Dean. 

Dean kicked off his underwear and then positioned Cas against the headboard.

"Open those gorgeous lips and I'll show you how to take all of me."

Cas opened his mouth, heart skipping. He really didn't think he could do it but hell if he didn't want to try.

Dean slid in slowly. "Relax. However much you think you need to relax, relax more."

Cas let his body go as limp as he could manage the stretch on his lips nearly too much to bear.

"Let me in, Cas," Dean said gruffly. "Don't you want to know what it feels like to swallow around my dick? I know I want to feel it."

 _Yes_ , Cas thought, _make me feel it._

Dean pressed his thumbs gently against Cas's throat and rubbed small, soothing circles over the skin as he pushed in a little deeper.

Cas whimpered around Dean's dick, his own hard as steel. He reached down to kick off his boxers and touch himself.

"Yeah, baby, touch yourself. I'm so happy taking my dick makes you hard. Just like it should."

Cas pumped his own erection as his eyes began to water. 

"If you need to cry, that's okay. This is when it's gonna get hard so if you need me to stop just squeeze my shoulder, okay?"

Cas nodded the best he could with Dean stretching his mouth like that. Cas didn't want to cry though. He cried too much during and after sex and scenes, maybe to make up for how much he never cried at any other time. Neither Crowley or Balthazar liked it when he cried, they'd usually spank him if he did. They'd said they wanted him submissive not weak. Cas didn't want to be weak for Dean. 

"Stop fighting it, sweetheart." That was a new pet name Cas liked a lot. "Feel what you need to feel. I'm not your dom right now, I'm just me, but even if I were I'd never want to stop those pretty, pretty tears. If I were your dom right now I'd tell you those tears were mine and not to keep them from me."

Cas made a low groan of arousal around Dean's dick, and that was when he realized it. The pressure in his mouth and throat, his nose nestled into Dean's sandy curls.

"There we are, Cas. Knew you could do it."

Pride swelled in Cas's chest. His hand was still curled and gently pumping his own dick.

"Keep breathing through your nose. And, oh shit, this feels...damn Cas...all I need you to do is swallow around me a few times and I'm gonna come in your throat."

Cas did as Dean asked swallowing around Dean's enormous cock. The motion must have been exactly what Dean needed because he shouted, braced himself against the wall and came hard. Unsure how he kept the presence of mind to do it, Cas continued swallowing until he milked the last of it from Dean.

"Holy fucking hell, baby," Dean groaned as he pulled out of Cas's mouth. Cas coughed a few times and wiped the saliva from his cheeks and chin. "D'you like that?" he asked, slumping down beside Cas.

Cas could not remember how to form words so he just muttered nonsensically and nodded.

"Gotta take care of you now," Dean said. "I could suck you off too, I could rim you until you came around my tongue," Dean rolled over on top of Cas and devoured his mouth with sweet-hot kisses. "I could open myself and ride you, my soft dick bouncing up and down every time you fuck into me. I'd even let you shove the tip of your finger into my dick while you did it." _Holy shit,_ that was something Cas wanted to try. Dean sucked a heavy bruise into Cas's neck and slipped one of his hands onto Cas's erection. Cas arched into the touch as Dean began to pump him.

"I could pull out some of my toys. I got beads, man, I could slowly shove each one in your ass, stretch you out good. Or maybe I'll shove a vibrator up there, point it right at your prostate and let it buzz and buzz until you come untouched." Dean pumped harder, faster, and Cas grew dangerously close to erupting. "Or I could just do this because it's all a man like you needs, huh? Just me touching you and whispering dirty shit in your ear. Bet you could come just from my filthy words...like a pretty fucking teenager." Still jacking Cas, Dean propped himself up on his knees and used his other hand to grab Cas's hair and yank it back hard. 

"Fuck, fuck yes, Dean." Cas loved having his hair pulled, adored that edge of pain. Loved how exposed he felt here, his neck held back, tight and vulnerable.

Dean's hand moved even faster, dragging Cas toward the finish line. "You look fucking delicious, man. Wonder what you'd do if I leaned down and just bit into that skin, sunk my teeth in nice and good, just lick and suck and taste you. "

"Please, Dean." Cas had no idea what was happening, but he adored the wildness of Dean in these moments, and Cas would willingly spread his legs for that feral tiger.

"Yeah, you want that, pretty thing? You want me to mark you, show everybody exactly who you belong to. Wish I could get hard again, wish I could fuck you, because I can just tell you need something in your ass, anything big for that little pink rim to flutter around."

God, his words were like a drug to Cas. He was already so damn addicted.

"Yes, Dean, I need...I'm close."

"I know you are. I can see it." Dean sucked on his pointer finger and then shoved it in Cas's ass. 

As soon as Dean's finger was inside him, Cas shot like a damn geyser splashing Dean's beautiful face. Dean hesitated from the surprise of it, then leaned back and laughed.

 

"God, I love you,” Dean blurted. His face fell as he clearly realized what he said, eyes widening in fear. Shocked, Cas stared back at him.

Part of Cas wanted to reply "I love you too" but another part of him couldn't- Dean probably didn't even mean it like that, and it was too soon, way to soon.

"I - Dean - Sam's going arrive soon. We should get ready."

Dean's face paled, still painted with Cas's come, as he nodded and swallowed. 

"Yeah, of course," Dean replied, but he wouldn't look Cas in the eye.

 _Shit, shit, shit._ Did Cas just ruin everything? 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is later than a week, but I didn't have my computer and wrote a Cockles thing on my phone but the formatting was a nightmare. Anyway, here it is. I love you all...remember that.

They hardly spoke for the rest of the morning. Dean avoided looking him in the eye, ducking and turning his head, away from Cas’s gaze as he dressed. In the last week that Cas had been here, this was the most awkward and out of place he had felt. Dean’s home had been warm and welcoming and now he felt like he was just staring in at through the window.

There was a knock at the door before it squeaked open and revealed Sam’s tall frame. He was carrying a tackle box in one hand and a fishing pole in the other. Cas wasn’t sure if he was thankful for Sam’s arrival or not. On one hand, Sam would put a buffer between the strange tension he and Dean were experiencing. On another hand, they’d probably seem very odd to Sam and Cas had no idea what coming out would be like to Dean when he didn’t feel like he had Cas on his side.

“Hello Sam,” Cas said.

Dean blasted past Cas to his brother. “Hey, Sammy. Let me help you with that. I already got my stuff in the car.”

Cas’s heart was beating really fast and the thought crossed his mind to pretend to be ill so he could stay here and figure out how to fix all this, but he didn’t want to draw any more attention to what had happened in the bedroom. To words Dean had said that Cas had found caught in his throat. He’d only said ‘I love you’ to one other person and it had not ended well.

Sam and Dean were talking about something from their childhood, a strange boy named Garth who lived down the street and had a large collection of sock puppets. Cas felt distinctly left out as he sat down beside the fishing equipment in the back seat.

They’d managed to get all the way to the lake, unpack their things and sit down in camping chairs on the bank before there was a lull in the conversation Dean was so clearly forcing.

The lake was deep, placid blue surrounded by craggy rocks and tall shadowy pines. Cas wished he could enjoy the beauty, but he was to distracted by the anxiety buzzing across his skin.

Sam used the moment of silence to address Cas. “So, Cas? How do you know Dean?”

Before everything had gotten screwed up, Cas and Dean discussed how they’d answer this question when Sam inevitably brought it up.

“I stopped by the restaurant where Dean works. We got to talking and-“ _we really hit it off_ was supposed to be what followed. A segue into a discussion of their romantic relationship and Dean’s sexuality. Instead Dean interrupted with, “we became fast buds.”

Anger flushed in Cas at the way Dean said buds. Like he was getting demoted or insulted. “Yeah,” Cas replied, “ _Buds_.” Because “buds” totally came in other “buds” asses. That was a typical bud activity.

“Uh, okay, cool.” Sam cast his line into the water. The bait and hook broke the surface with a soft thunk.

“We’d been talking ever since then,” Cas said. “I think there was hardly a day when we didn’t call each other.”

Dean’s jaw clenched shut then he let out a huff of air. “’Cause your piece of shit car broke down almost every day and you needed free help. Still can’t believe a grown man doesn’t know how to change a tire.”

 _I know how to change a fucking tire,_ Cas thought. “I know, right? I’m just thankful I could be there when you needed to cry. A shoulder for your soft underbelly of vulnerability.”

Cas sucked breath in quickly, given everything Dean had shared with him his week, given the recent ‘I love you’ that was a shitty thing to say and Cas wanted to take it back immediately.

Dean hardly reacted though. He just reached into the Styrofoam container like he was going to hook one of the earthworms as bait.

“Dean, I…”

Before Cas could finish, a handful of dirt and worms struck him in the face. Did that really just happen?

“What the hell, Dean?” Sam said.

Cas was wiping some of the dirt out of his eyes when he was hit with another handful of worm dirt.

“You’re an asshole!” Dean shouted, standing up from his chair. “You come in and you fucking obliterate my entire life because of a goddamn clerical error and you say things and you do things and I’m losing my mind.”

Cas just stared back at Dean. He could feel Sam behind him doing the same.

Dean let out a breath and shook his head, staring down at his boots. “None of this is real, Cas. It’s all just…none of it’s real.”

Cas just felt his heart breaking in his chest. “Dean, do you want me to leave?”

Dean stood there staring at Cas for a moment and then he nodded.

Tears pricked at Cas’s eyes as he went numb everywhere else. “O-okay.”

“I need you to, Cas, please.” There was something soft and broken in Dean’s voice that swept any angry or resentment away.

“Dean,” it was Sam. “What’s going on?”

Dean fished in his pocket. Cas could see Dean shaking. Dean pulled out his keys and held them out to Sam. “Take him back to my place,” Dean said. “Let him get his stuff and go and then you’ll come back and get me. Or we’ll finish fishing or something. I don’t know, just please, Sammy.”

“Whatever this is,” Sam said. “Why don’t we all stay here and talk about it?”

“I think Dean is right,” Cas said.

He could hardly believe the words he was saying, but it had been silly to believe they could make this all last past the week. They were falling in love with each other, but soon they’d be separated, back to their normal lives and this exciting, passionate thing they had going on between them when fade and turn into something grey and sad. They’d start getting on each other’s nerves, they’d start avoiding sex, going entire days without so much as kissing. They’d argue about which one of them should pick up the milk, who’s turn it was to do the laundry. For a while, they’d scream and fight and eventually, they’d stop because they didn’t even care enough to do that. Even the best relationships went this way. It was inevitable.

Their, well, their _love_ deserved better than that.

Sam looked between them, clearly uncertain, but he put his hand out to Dean, and Dean dropped the keys in Sam’s upturned palm. Dean walked over to Cas, paused and looked at him, like he was asking for permission for something. Cas wasn’t sure what it was, but whatever, whatever Dean wanted, Cas wanted to give him.

Dean’s large hands cupped his face and then Dean dipped down slightly and kissed him. The kiss shocked through Cas like electricity, like wild lightning. How could it always feel like this with him? It was illogical, but Cas gave into it. He always did. Gripping Dean’s shirt, Cas tugged them closer, locking their mouths, their bodies together as long as he could manage. When eventually Dean pulled away, it felt like Cas had swallowed molten lead.

That had been their last kiss.

“Oh,” Sam said softly. Dean spared him only a glance as he peeled away from Cas’s touch and returned to sit by the lake.

“Sam?” Cas’s voice shook. “Can we go?”

Sam looked a little stunned, but he eventually nodded and walked toward the car. Cas followed him. At the last moment, Cas spared a final glance toward Dean and thought _I love you, I love you._

But he got in the car with Sam and drove away. Sam tried to talk with Cas about what happened, but Cas just said, “I think you should ask Dean.”

Back at Dean’s house, Cas packed his things quickly. In a moment of weakness, Cas grabbed Dean’s threadbare ACDC shirt. He balled it up and stuck it in his suitcase. Chest constricting, he stared at it for a moment, then sighed and took it out, leaving it on Dean’s bed.

When he was finished packing, Cas got in his car and drove the five hours home. His walls were still beige, his couch clean, sleek, and aimed in front of the fireplace rather than the TV, and his kitchen cabinets were practically empty. Everything was just as it had been before he left; everything was the same except Cas.


	16. Chapter 16

Cas had spent the last month in a strange sort of mourning. He didn’t really _tell_ anyone because he knew it was silly and, also, he couldn’t explain why he was feeling the way he was feeling. Even if he told Gabe, the one person who’d known where he was for that week, he still couldn’t truly explain the depth of his hurt. What was he going to say?

“I’m sad because I spent six days having kinky sex with a stranger, fell in love with him and now I never get to see or hear from him ever again.”

Just thinking that made Cas’s stomach sink, made his head spin. Dean was really, truly, permanently _gone._ Well, gone from Cas’s life at least. They had no reason to ever run into each other again, and Cas didn’t even have Dean’s phone number and Dean didn’t have his. It was better that way, he knew, but it still made him ache all over.

So, yes, he got up every day and went to work in the same boring clothes he always wore. Black suit, white shirt, blue tie, and, on chillier days, a trench coat. He ate the same foods he ate before he met Dean. Instant oatmeal for breakfast, something from the hotel menu for lunch and take out for dinner. He ate it on his boring couch surrounded by his boring beige walls, watching baseball until he wondered if Dean was watching it and the thought just made him queasy so he turned it off and went to bed alone.

How could one stupid week have messed him up so completely and irrevocably?

This morning, Cas showered and got dressed as usual for work. He followed the same routine as usual. Nothing out of the norm. So this, he didn’t see coming.

While pouring water into his bowl of instant oatmeal, he suddenly stopped. He grabbed the oatmeal, chucked it down the drain and called in to work sick. Mind in a euphoric kind of haze, Cas tore out of his normal work clothes and threw on a pair of jeans and a soft grey t-shirt. He grabbed the keys to his Lincoln and squeezed them tightly in his fist. His Lincoln the one impractical thing Cas had ever let himself buy (well outside of sex toys and such).

He drove to McDonalds and ordered an Egg McMuffin meal because it sounded delightfully unhealthy and greasy. Not like Dean would eat because he would probably have made it himself. A poached egg with a slice of sharp cheddar cheese and thin slice of honey ham grilled on home-baked bread. So, no, this wasn’t as good as Dean would make it, but it was better tasting than instant oatmeal. Cas ate his breakfast as he drove down the mountain into the city to Walmart.

Cas grabbed a cart and nearly raced to the back of the store. He wasn’t quite sure what he was thinking, what was in his head, or if any of this could qualify as thought at all, he just knew something had to give. He nearly tripped over his own cart as he halted in the paint section of Walmart. With intense focus, Cas stared at the wall of paint chips.

He felt suddenly and inexplicably powerful that he could pick any of these colors. He could pick hot pink if he wanted to. He could paint his whole stupid apartment hot pink and there wasn’t anyone who could do a damn thing about it.

“Can I help you?” a worker said to his right.

Cas glanced over at him quickly, not really even long enough to register what the man looked like. “Yes.” He snatched a paint chip from the display and handed it to the worker. “I need probably 4 gallons of this, and whatever else one uses to paint the interior of a house.”

“Uh, okay,” the guy responded.

The Walmart sales associate helped Cas pick out semi-gloss paint, paint trays and rollers, and he mixed the paint. Then, Cas headed over to the grocery department and just started tossing in pretty much anything he could find, anything that looked good. He knew that what ever he made it would not taste as good as Dean’s cooking, but if Cas wanted something different in his life, he’d have to make it happen himself. So he bought eggs and bacon and pancake and waffle mix (even though he knew Dean made his from scratch). He bought ground beef, hamburger buns and condiments. Cas even bought the ingredients for nachos. Just like Dean had made.

Cas rolled down his windows, letting in the cool mountain air and the smell of pines. He blasted the radio as he sped back home, the back of seat of his Lincoln filled with the start to a new, and hopefully improved, life.

When Cas got home, he put away all his new food and then pulled the furniture away from the walls so he could paint. He poured the paint into the tray and ran his roller through the liquid. Feeling proud, Cas slopped the moss green (no it’s _not_ the color of Dean’s eyes, not at all) paint on the wall and was hit by the profound realization that he had no idea what he was doing. The only thing he’d ever painted in his life was a watercolor in the 5th grade, and it was terrible.

Cas fished his cell phone out of his pocket and held down the home button until it beeped.

“Call Gabe.”

The phone started to ring and few moments later Cas’s big brother answered.

“Hey, little bro– how’s it hangin’?”

“Are you busy?”

“I have to get Alfie and Hannah from school at 3, but I’m free till then. Why?”

“I’m painting your house and I need your help.”

There was a prolonged moment of silence. Cas almost wondered if the phone had gone dead.

“Gabriel?”

“Yeah, you know, I’m real busy today.”

“Shut up,” Cas said.

Gabe sighed. “All right, all right. But that is the last thing I thought you’d ask me. Have you even changed one thing in your apartment since you moved in 5 years ago?”

“No,” Cas said almost sharply. “And you always nagged me about it and now I’m trying to change and you’re being an ass-“

“Take a chill pill, little bro. I’m on my way.”

Cas rolled his eyes. It had been a long time since he’d heard the phrase chill pill.

“See ya,” Cas said and hung up.

Gabe showed up about 15 minutes later. He came into the house without knocking.

“Your big bro is here to save the painting day,” he announced dramatically.

Cas was much more casual in his reply. “Thanks, Gabe.”

Gabe was showing Cas how to cut in around the edges and floorboards with the green paint when he asked, “So what brought on this sudden need for change?”

Cas sighed as he dipped his paint brush. “Thought maybe I should spice up my life. Take a page out of your book.”

Gabe snorted. “There is not even a small chance that this is about me.”

Cas just shook his head and went back to painting. A few minutes later, Gabe spoke again.

“You never told me about that special trip you took.”

“Why on earth would I tell you about that?”

“Well, I don’t know, maybe because when you came back you had this look on your face like you’d been at a week long funeral.”

Damn. Cas had thought he hadn’t been that obvious. “I didn’t know you noticed.”

“I did, but silly me, I thought my brother would come to me with his misery.”

“I assumed you’d make fun of me.”

“I’d never make fun of you.” Gabe smirked. “But seriously what happened?”

Cas opened his mouth, but he couldn’t think of a way to say it without sounding like a total idiot.

“Cas, just spit it out.” Gabe sounded exasperated.

“Fine.” Cas sat down his paintbrush and looked right at his brother. “When I showed up, it turned out I’d been sent to the wrong person. I don’t know there was some sort of clerical error, and the dude, yeah well he had signed up for a woman.”

Gabe leaned forward. ”Ooh plot twist.”

Cas glared at him and continued, “Long story short they couldn’t switch us around at that point so even though the guy had previously only been with women. We decided to, you know…”

“Damn.”

“Yeah, so, we did – and then…this is crazy. You’re gonna think I’m crazy.”

“I already think you’re crazy for doing this at all so don’t worry about that.”

Cas took a deep breath and forced himself to say the words aloud, “I feel in love with the guy.”

Gabe’s eyes widened. “Cas, you only knew this guy for a week.”

“Don’t you think I know that, Gabe. Of course, I know that. That’s why I left early because Dean and I- his name is Dean- anyway, we both just. We jumped in head first and we needed an out.”

“What you’re telling me is that you ran away?”

Cas let out a long breath through his nose. “I thought you thought I was crazy.”

“I _do._ But love, the good, worth it, kind of love? Is always a little bit crazy. Look at Kali and me. On paper, we don’t work at all. We got married at 18 – and Kali wasn’t even pregnant. And yet… here we are. All these years later.”

“You knew Kali longer than a week before you fell in love with her.”

“I’m not saying you should’ve run off and married the dude, I’m just saying maybe you should take a bigger risk than painting your walls.”

“That’s a pretty big risk for me.” Cas frowned. “Even if I wanted to, I can’t go back. We ended things pretty finally.”

“And that’s fine, Cas. I just don’t want you take whatever happened with this Dean guy as some sort of sign that you’ll always be alone and everything sucks and your life is boring and hopeless. You know the normal Castiel Novak line.”

Cas rolled his eyes, but Gabe wasn’t wrong that was how he’d always seen the world. Maybe, in theory, that was how this situation with Dean should make him feel, but it didn’t.

“The funny thing is Gabe it makes me feel the opposite.” Cas smiled to himself. “Like anything is possible.”

Gabe put some more paint on his brush and started on the wall again. “Must be one hell of a guy.”

“He is.”

Cas joined Gabe, painting the wall again. As the spent the afternoon finishing the living room, Cas felt very happy for having known Dean even for the short time he did. He’d been changed for the better because of it, and Cas found himself wondering if Dean felt the same way


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks!
> 
> This chapter will be a little different than the others. You'll see why. Hope you like it!

"We need to talk about this Dean," Sam said when they were driving back home from the lake. The sky was that perfect Colorado blue, just like Cas’s eyes. Dean wished that it were overcast today. Wished that rains came in once again and flooded out the bridge just so that there would be a physical barrier between him and Cas. He needed that kind of closure to get by.

Dean swallowed and no words came to his lips. He didn’t like to talk about feelings anyway. The last time he did, with Cas, he ruined everything. "I can't."

Sam let out a little huff of disappointment, but Dean just let it roll over him. Sam was no stranger to Dean’s refusal to talk about his feelings. That was how they went nearly 20 years without ever discussing Dean’s sexuality.

Dean gripped the steering wheel. If he’d just kept his mouth shut in the bed and at the lake, it would all have been different. Cas would be sat next to the cooler in the backseat. Instead of being empty as it was now, the cooloer would be full of trout that Dean could grill up for dinner for all of them. He’d braise it in his homemade lemon butter, whip up some mashed potatoes and he’d even grill up some asparagus for Sam. He wondered if Cas liked asparagus. Dean guessed he’d never find out.

After dinner, Sam would’ve gone back to Bobby's, and Dean would've slipped that collar on Cas's neck, maybe pulled it a little tighter so Cas would really feel it when he breathed, so he’d really know who he belonged to. Dean would've worked that sound back into his dick and that pretty pink plug back up his ass. Dean would've ordered Cas to fuck that sound in and out, and Dean would've just leaned on his dresser and watched Cas, beautiful and desperate, writhing on his bed.

When Dean couldn’t take it anymore, he’d crawl onto bed. He’d slip out of the sound and the plug, pull Cas’s legs up around his waist and fuck in all slow, letting Cas feel every inch as he stretched and pulsed around it. Dean would go as long as could, fitting one or two fingers in there with his dick. Finally, when Cas was drawn on the painful edge of need and desire, he’d say,

“Come for me. Come right now.”

And, like the perfect submissive he was, Cas would obey. 

But he'd fucked up and now he wouldn't get that - or any of the other stuff. Dean would never again watch Cas bite his fingernails or hear him purr in his sleep. Cas would never moan around a bite of his food, and tell Dean how talented he was at cooking and sex and poker.

It sucked too, all the things they'd never get to have. Their first date, for one. They'd never go to a baseball game together, or make love deep and sweet in the back of his Impala. Dean would never know Cas's middle name or his favorite TV show as a kid. He'll never know how old Cas was when he learned Santa Claus wasn't real. Did he have braces? Did he sing off key? There was just so much left to know about Cas Novak. So much that Dean would have to leave a mystery. 

"Did you talk to Jess?" Dean needed to get his mind off it so he brought the questions back to Sam. Unlike Dean, Sam was comfortable sharing so he did.

"Yeah. She's - we're okay now."

Dean wasn’t sure about that. Jess had lied to Sam, and though he’d always liked her, he didn’t like _that_ about her.

"She still married?"

"For now."

"You gonna be able to handle that?" Maybe Sam could. Dean didn't think he could under similar circumstances.

"I love her. I want to be by her side in everything, and this isn't her fault."

Dean found it hard to argue with that. It was her dick ex-husband’s fault.

"We do have to push back the wedding, which means we had to cancel our venue. So that sucks."

"I'm sorry, Sammy." And he was sorry but maybe he didn’t sound it because his head and heart were somewhere else. When he got home and tried to lie in his bed, the sheets smelled too much like Cas so he slept on the floor.

 

Dean had a hard time going through his regular routine. Something about that whole week had drained him physically and emotionally.

He was messing up orders at work and being short with the customers and other staff. As he refilled, cup after cup of Coke and stale coffee, Dean could no longer deny that this was not at all what he wanted to do with his life.

Dean still did all right when he had run off to fires in small cabins or drunk idiots who left cigarettes burning in the brush at the campground. He still did his job fine, but his best friend and fellow firefighter Benny apparently took notice that he was acting different.

“Hey Chief,” Benny caught Dean outside the Impala right before he was heading home from a first aid call they’d responded to. “Somethin’s been up your ass for ‘bout a month now. Wanna tell me what it is.”

Dean wanted to snap at Benny and tell him his actual problem is that nothing was up his ass, but he still had the foresight not to do that. “Not really.”

Benny sighed. “I don’t play that game with you. Your brother might, but not me.”

Maybe he could trust Benny with this information. He’d never known Benny to be anything but open and understanding.

Dean steadied himself and looked up at his best friend. “I’m bisexual.”

Benny had this sort of blank look on his face, but then he smiled and put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Thank you for trustin’ me enough to tell me.”

Dean narrowed his eyes and observed Benny for a moment. “You knew didn’t you?”

“Suspected. You kinda stared at Deputy Henriksen’s ass a little too long, a few too many times.”

Dean snorted. “Oh God, do you think he noticed?”

Benny laughed. “No, man. I just know you real well that’s all.”

“So, anyway, there was this uh guy, and he was here and with me and now he’s not and it just sucks, man.”

“There anyway you can fix it?”

Dean shook his head. “It’s uh long distance and I don’t know we left things pretty badly.”

“If there’s one thing I know about love, it’s that if it’s right it’ll come back. I don’t know if you know this, but Andrea and I were separated for over year. Really thought it was over, brother. I did, but after I sat around in boxers watching Nascar, drinking bourbon and crying more than I really wanna admit…I just realized I had to move on. So I got dressed, go sober and put my life back together. And now Andrea’s pregnant.”

Dean’s mouth dropped open and he clapped Benny on the shoulder. “Andrea’s pregnant?”

Benny nodded, trying to hide the big grin breaking out on his face.

“Congrats, man.”

“Thanks, and Dean, I don’t know if this guy will come back to you, I don’t, but if you don’t give up – love will come back to you.”

That gave Dean a sense of warm comfort. Benny really was a great friend, though he’d never say it out loud. “What, you get that from a hallmark card?”

Benny rolled his eyes. “Get out of here.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going.”

Dean couldn’t stop thinking about what Benny said, and bout three weeks after Cas left, Dean had had just about enough with his job at the roadhouse. A rich tourist would not stop fussing about her order. Finally, Dean tore off his black apron and chucked it on the ground. His heart was pounding.

"If you think you can do this job better than I can, go for it. I quit." He shouted quit and Ellen looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Sorry, Ellen," Dean said to her, "This isn't who I want to be or what I want to do. It is time for me to figure out what I do want."

Ellen just smiled at him. "Bout time, kid."

A little panicked about his job, Dean shook almost all the way home. He only had a little saved but truth was, he just couldn't live like this anymore. He needed to start believing in himself, believing he was good, just like Cas did.

There was a whole world out, a world with Cas in it, that must make it an all right world, a good world really. Dean wanted more out of life. Thanks to Cas he was willing to try.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you follow me on twitter (@ashandcas), I told you that this chapter would be really smutty. That's a lie because I'm splitting the chapter. Next chapter will be a smutsplosion though.

_One Year Later_

Cas sat at the desk in his office, scrolling through his e-mail inbox. He clicked on the memo from his assistant Hannah and read his schedule for the day.

 

_November 12, 2015_

_Staff meeting with housekeeping 9:00 am_

_Conference call with Historic Hotels of America 10:00 am_

_Lunch meeting with city planners regarding new event area 12:00 pm_

_Meet with couple about wedding package 1:00 pm_

 

Cas shut his macbook. There was a long day ahead of him and tonight, he had plans...plans he was rather nervous about it. It would be the first time he'd tried playing since Dean. Cas wasn't sure he'd like it anymore, but maybe it was a fall off the horse get back on it situation. Well, get back on it more than a year later. Still. It was some sort of progress in his ongoing attempts to get over Dean Winchester.

He followed his schedule exactly, and he actually had a pretty good time. He almost always did at work. When he had done some reexamining of his life, Cas had considered finding a new job. But that examination had led him to realize he actually had a lot of love for what he did at the Mt. Evans Hotel. He liked the guests, the challenges, his staff and the beauty and architecture of the historic landmark. 

At 1:00 pm, he'd opened his tablet to the document containing information about the couple. He was running late from the lunch meeting, and only had time to skim it. Harvelle Wedding. 150 guests. He also saw one another tidbit: they were having pie instead of cake. Weird but the hotel had world class bakers, they could accommodate whatever the couple wanted.

Cas took the stairs down to the main lobby where the couple would be waiting for him. He saw a beautiful blonde woman in jeans and a Guns n’ Roses t-shirt. She was leaning against the front desk and, for a minute, Cas kind of hoped she wasn't the bride because this was his kind of woman. It was a short lived hope because Hester, the front desk clerk, said "Ms. Harvelle this our general manager. He will be showing you around the place."

Ms. Harvelle extended her hand to Cas. He took it. "You can call me Jo." She smiled. It was a very pretty smile.

"Cas. It's good to meet you."

The groom, who'd been reading the Historic Hotels of America plaque on the wall, turned around. Cas felt like he'd been kicked in the face. _Dean._

By the grace of God, Cas managed not to say it aloud. And Dean, that asshole, didn't even look surprised. Why should he be? He knew Cas worked here. He’d probably come here on purpose. He had to have, right?

Cas kept his eyes on Jo with all the strength he had. "I'm so sorry. A family emergency has come up and I-uh-I have to leave you in the hands of my very capable uh Hannah." _Smooth, Cas._  "Hester, call Hannah down please."

He shot out of the lobby faster than should have even been possible. Cas darted into his office, shut and locked the door. He tried to keep it together, but his breaths came in heavy gulps. Cas never thought he'd see Dean again and here he was. Where did he get the audacity to just show up with his fiancée at Cas's fucking work place with his stupid face and his stupid smile and his stupid freckles. God, what a dick! 

Cas had never been so ready to go to this club. He'd get on his knees so quick. Let some guy with tats and huge biceps fuck him against the wall. He left a note for Hannah, grabbed his stuff and went the back way out of the hotel. Cas deserved half a personal day for this shit. He could not be under the same roof with Dean. Not after all the progress he’d made. Not with Dean flaunting his new love.

When he got back to his apartment, Cas whipped up some Monterey jack mac and cheese and shoveled it in his mouth bitterly thinking _at least knowing Dean had inspired me to learn to cook. At least I have this bowl of homemade macaroni for my heartbreak._ Because even after all this time that's what it was. Heartbreak.

. . .

He'd always liked this club, _The Moonlight Lounge._ It was just outside downtown Denver. Far enough out of the way that you didn't have to pay for parking. Cas was practical like that. It was also clean, cool and classy. It looked like a 1930s nightclub instead of some giant warehouse with black lights that made it difficult to see how unattractive the person fucking you was. No. This was a place where everyone showed up in suits and dresses, and whatever the fuck they wanted underneath, and a swing band played live up on the stage. Right now, they were playing _Moon River._ A song Cas loved. Also, they served champagne and waiters and waitresses sold sex toys, restraints, lube and protection the way they'd have sold cigarettes during WWII.

There were private rooms and little secluded coves with mattresses but some people opted for sex or scenes where anybody could see. For example, a pretty guy with curly blonde hair was getting pegged while riding the lap of a very beautiful woman. He could go for something like that tonight. A woman. Now that he thought about it, he could actually go for tying a willing woman or two up to one of the beds and showing them a really good time. Because he was actually very talented at having sex with woman. He prided himself in being significantly better than most men – at least, that’s what the women he’d slept with had told him afterward. And they’d always come back more than once. It had been a really long time since he'd done something like that though - like before Balthazar long time. 

Cas scanned the room and his eyes stopped when they took notice of a beautiful woman in a gold gown sitting at the bar. She had long brown hair she occasionally tossed back over her shoulder. Cas drew in a deep breath and readied himself.

He weaved his way through the other people. A tall, thin man with slicked back black hair and smarmy grin checked Cas out, but Cas had sworn off any and all type of “smarmy” men post Crowley and Balthazar.

Cas came up alongside the woman and smiled at her. Her eyes traced up and down his body, and she smiled back. He found himself instinctively looking down.

“Can I buy you a drink?” she asked. Her voice was low and sultry. It made Cas tingle with an arousal he hadn’t felt for a woman in a while. He was absolutely ready to give into this and try to forget all about the man who’d forgotten all about him.

“Yes,” he said. “Sure.”

Her lips stretched into a smile. “What’ll you have?”

“Scotch. Rocks,” he said to the bartender, who just nodded at him, and started to make the drink.

“I’m Lisa,” she said.

“Cas,” he replied.

“You look nervous. This your first time?” She eyed him. “No. I don’t think so.”

“It’s definitely not. Just it’s a been quite a long time.”

“You’re incredibly gorgeous, which I’m sure you know,” she said. “But I do think it’s fair to warn you that I’m not here alone.”

Cas’s stomach dropped in disappointment. Picking up guys was always easier in a place like this. Maybe this was a bad idea. “Oh. I didn’t – you definitely don’t have to pay for my drink.” Cas started to stand up as the bartender slid the glass to Cas.

Lisa laid a hand on his wrist. He stopped immediately. “Hey, wait. I didn’t mean. I just meant there’s two of us – that’s all. If you’re interested in that sort of thing.

Cas swallowed. He’d had a few threesomes in his life. Not a lot, but a few. It was definitely something he was into. “Boyfriend?” he asked.

Lisa shook her head. “Fiancée actually. A woman.”

Cas’s cheeks heated up, and he sipped his scotch. “Oh.”

“So are you in? You can meet her first, if you like. I promise she’s beautiful. Much more so than me, if I do say so myself.” There was a pride in Lisa’s voice as she said that.

Cas smiled back. “That would be…I’d like that. I am kind of um…“ when did he get so jumpy about all this?

“Submissive?”

Cas nodded.

“Yeah, I can tell.” Lisa laughed. “Works for us.” She glanced over Cas’s shoulder. “Oh, there she comes.”

Cas turned around and his stomach hit the floor. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. It was Dean’s fiancée. Jo Harvelle. She walked right past Cas like she hadn’t really noticed him and kissed Lisa on the mouth.

_Wait…_

“Hey honey,” Lisa said. “This is Cas. Looks like your type.”

Jo turned back and her eyes widened. “You’re the guy from the hotel. I thought you had a family emergency.”

“You’re marrying, Dean,” he said dumbly. What the hell was going on?

Jo snorted. “You thought? Uh, no. Dean’s our friend.”

Cas just kept blinking as he tried to put the pieces together. Dean _wasn’t_ getting married. The beautiful blonde woman was not going to be his wife. He wasn’t there trying to rub it in Cas’s face. He was there…why was he there at the hotel?

“You’re _not_ marrying, Dean.”

“No, she’s not. Why does that matter? Why are we talking about this?” Lisa said.

“Hey, Jo. I lost you.” It was Dean’s voice. Dean’s dark, gruff voice who’d said such dirty and sweet things to him in a time that seemed simultaneously like a million years ago and just yesterday. A voice that once said “I love you”. Cas spun around.

“Holy shit!” Dean spat. “Cas?”

“Oh. You guys know each other,” Lisa said behind them, but Cas was hardly paying attention because after all this time Dean was standing right in front of him and Cas had no idea what to do because all the feelings he’d worked so hard to process and dissipate came flooding back at once. He was going to drown.

“I thought you were marrying her.”

“Jo? No. That’s why you ran off?”

Cas nodded.

“I’m not that big of a dick. I’m not just gonna show up at your work with my future wife.”

“Why were you there and not, uh, Lisa?”

“Lisa had a meeting in Denver today, so I went with Jo…just hell, man. It’s good to see you again.”

Cas swallowed. His mouth had already gone so dry. Dean was still the absolute picture of beauty. Sparkling green eyes, full pink lips, strong jaw. Large hands that could do such fantastic things. “It’s good to see you too.”

There was a pause where they both just sort of looked at each other. Cas’s heart jumped because it felt, in many ways, like when they’d broken up, or whatever they did, at the lake. It felt like all of that, but somehow, in reverse.

Cas wasn’t sure he even had control over himself when he closed the space between them and crushed their lips together. Hard. He’d never needed anything as much as to kiss Dean again and he hadn’t even known it until he did it.

Dean’s hands slid up Cas’s sides, to his shoulders to his neck, pulling Cas closer to Dean and wrangling control from him in that way that Dean did so easily.

Cas just melted – like a damn candle – whenever Dean got his hands all over him. It would be embarrassing if he wasn’t so entirely, completely ensorcelled by it that he just couldn’t find it in himself to care at all.

They broke apart, just a sliver of air between them. Dean still had his hand on Cas’s neck and hip as he said, “What are we doin?”

“I don’t know,” Cas went to kiss Dean again, but he was stopped.

“Cas.”

“ _Dean._ I haven’t seen you in more than a year, and right now, I just really don’t want to fucking think. I want to just – I want everything.”

Dean leaned in and kissed Cas under his ear. “I don’t think we should get into anything serious tonight. I mean emotionally.”

“I said no thinking, Dean.” Cas went in again, but to no success. He couldn’t let this go. Not yet.

Dean grinned, still holding himself back from Cas, which just made Cas want him more. “What were you gonna do with the girls?”

Cas blinked and looked up at Dean, completely, utterly, aroused. It was like a switch that was just flipped on with Dean. He was ready anytime, every time, if it was Dean asking. “It was what I was gonna let them do to me.”

Dean grabbed Cas’s dick hard. He yelped. “Tonight, nobody is gonna touch you but me. Still, I have an idea.”

“What’s that?” Cas felt like he was on fire. How could Dean just overtake him so completely so quickly? Cas didn’t want to think it at all, but it was true. Dean was the best dom Cas ever had. No contest. As stupid as this might be tomorrow, Cas wasn’t sure he cared tonight. No, he was sure. He didn’t care. He had Dean back, if only for a moment. He’d take that moment for all it was worth.

Dean started pulling Cas toward Jo and Lisa by his fucking cock. “I thought you said no thinking.”

At this point, Cas was so hard he thought he might break his own zipper. “Right. No thinking.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't exactly the chapter I promised one of you because this ended up being 2500 words of smut, and I literally don't have time for the other 2000 words I wanted in this chapter for this week, so I'm splitting it again. I'm sorry. I am the worst.
> 
> We are, however, I believe toward the end of this story. I can't imagine there being more than 5 (probably more like 3) chapters left, but with me you never know. 
> 
> WARNINGS for this chapter in case it could bother you:
> 
> This is like I said nearly all smut, basically it's Jo and Lisa watching Dean and Cas, while telling them what to do to each other. There's no sexual interaction or touching at all really between the girls and the guys. It's pretty much the whole chapter and it's just smut so if you need to skip it you won't miss any life changing plot developments. .

A sharp edge of pain radiated through Cas’s body as Dean lead him through the bustling crowd by his dick. Lisa and Jo moved just a few feet ahead of them. Their dresses sparkled and swished with their movement under the lights; it was mesmerizing.

It had been so long since he’d seen Dean. Just looking at that beautiful face was something he’d never though he’d get to do again, yet here he was getting an opportunity to have him like he had before. Maybe he shouldn’t – maybe this wasn’t the time or place for their reunion – with other people, with women there too, but Cas wouldn’t risk messing this up. He didn’t want to. He wanted to shut down his mind and just let himself feel. That escape from control and power was what he loved about being a sub anyway.

They walked down a hallway that’s flanked on both sides by rooms with chiffons curtains for doors. He could somewhat see through the fabric so he got glimpses of naked bodies, of writhing bodies, and heads tossed back in pleasure. He could also hear their sounds – screams, moans, whimpers. Occasionally, he shuddered at the clap of a hand or a paddle against skin. Cas grew hot with arousal and pleasure, the core of it being driven to the place Dean was still gripping so much it ached, so much he could hardly walk.

Jo and Lisa slipped into one of the chiffon curtained rooms and Dean followed them, pulling Cas in as well. The room was dimly lit with a candle chandelier. There was a bed with black silk sheets besides a silver nightstand. Cas knew from past experience they kept condoms and lube in there. It had been awhile since he’d been in the back rooms, but he used to come here with Crowley who would blindfold him and pass him around like a toy. He kind of hated himself at the time for loving it so much. But now, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted anyone to touch him that wasn’t Dean.

However, Cas expected to Dean to let go of his now painful erection, but he just squeezed it harder when Cas tried to take a step back. Cas whined, knees buckling, but he didn’t make another move away from Dean.

“Still using the same safeword?”

Cas hesitated, but nodded. He was definitely not going to tell Dean that he hadn’t even had sex, let out alone scened since they were together. “Yes...Illinois.”

Dean slid behind Cas, pressing into his ass. Dean was wildly hard too and it made Cas shiver. It had been so long; he needed this so much. Dean slipped his arms around Cas’s waist, licked a stripe up his neck and then said, “Kansas” loud enough that Lisa and Jo could hear too.

Dean and Lisa shared a look and then Lisa said, “Dean, sit on the edge of the bed.”

Dean’s touch slipped away from Cas and he felt the loss of the touch all over his whole body. He wanted Dean’s hands back on him immediately. He wanted his hands on Dean. But Dean just walked away from Cas without even looking at him until he sat on the edge of the bed like Lisa had ordered.

Jo whispered something else to Lisa. Lisa nodded, skimming her fingers over Jo’s shoulder as Jo stepped around her and closer to Cas. Cas felt his heart rate speed up. He still found her very beautiful, even though nothing could or would ever compare to Dean Winchester. So his eyes went right from her back to Dean. She laughed.

“Yeah, that’s right. You keep your eyes on him.”

Cas would have no problem doing that.

“You too, Dean,” Lisa chimed in. “You watch your boy.”

Jo trained her gaze on Cas; she grinned. “Undress.”

Cas quickly moved to shrug his coat off, but Jo stopped him with a sharp snap of her voice. “No. Undress slowly. So Dean can really, really watch. Start with your shoes and socks.”

Dean’s tongue darted out and wet his lips. He was looking at Cas like he wanted to devour him and Cas fed off that tension. With precision, Cas slipped off his shoes and pulled off his socks. Then, he slid out of his suit jacket, letting it pool on the floor. He loosened his tie, breaking the knot, then letting it slither to the floor. Dean’s eyes were wide. His hands gripped into the black silk sheets.

One button at time Cas opened his shirt then let it slide off his shoulders. Dean inhaled sharply.

“Tell him how he’s making you feel, Dean,” Lisa said as she trailed kisses down Jo’s neck.

Dean swallowed. “God, you’re so beautiful, baby. Such perfect skin. I just want my tongue and my cock on every single inch of you.”

Cas was shaking, but still he managed to unlatch his belt and unbutton and unzip his pants.

“Yes, angel. Come on. Take those off. I’ve missed your pretty little dick, so gorgeous. Come on, show it to me.”

Cas flushed red all over as he pulled down his pants, taking his underwear with the movement. Maybe it wasn’t the “slow” Lisa and Jo wanted from him, but if Dean wanted to see him naked, Cas couldn’t make him wait. He just couldn’t. So he didn’t.

Cas stood, completely bear, uncaring about Jo and Lisa’s eyes on him. All he was focused on was how utterly wrecked Dean looked as he ran a hand down his face and over his slightly stubbly jaw.

“Goddamn, Castiel.”

The use of his real name rocked him. He wasn’t sure Dean had ever used it at all, let alone in a situation like this. Cas hadn’t even expected him to remember it really.

Dean looked up at Lisa. “I really, really wanna touch him.”

For a moment, Cas’s attention wavered from Dean to Jo and Lisa. The bodice of jo’s dress was folded over he waistline and Lisa had a hand on her right breast. She was rubbing it and tuggin gently at her nipple. She looked almost (almost) as wrecked as Dean.

“Not yet,” Lisa said. “Stand up, Dean and kneel at the foot of the bed.” Dean took a moment to comply, a puzzled look on his face. It became really clear that Dean was just not really a sub, but he wasn’t totally opposed to being out of his element.

“Get on the bed, Cas. Lift your ass in the air,” Jo said. Cas, experienced sub that he is, complied immediately.

Jo slid away from Lisa and pulled something out of the nightstand. Cas felt a plastic bottle being pressed into his hands. _Lube,_ he thought feeling slightly delirious with desire.

“Open yourself up,” Jo commanded. Cas’s fingers went right between his legs. He teased his rim with his pointer finger, wanting to give Dean a show. Sometimes he could be really vain; he hoped Dean didn’t mind.

“Shit,” Dean groaned. Cas could feel the dip of the bed as Dean tried to reach for him.

“No, Dean,” Lisa said. “You can look, but don’t touch.”

Dean groaned, his finger secretly touching Cas’s ankle (terrible, terrible sub – and Cas loved it) before sliding back off the bed.

Cas smiled and pressed two fingers in at once. Cas didn’t really need much prep. He could relax on command and, with plenty of lube, he could take most anything. Maybe not Dean’s massive dick, but almost anything.

He whimpered and whined as he pressed his fingers onto his prostate and rocked against his own hand. He bit down on his lip, seeing Dean through his parted legs. Cas wished it were Dean’s thick fingers inside him. He was so ready for that.

“Dean,” he mewled accidentally.

“You two are really into each other, aren’t you?” Jo said.

“Come on, ladies,” Dean said. “This is fucking torture.”

Lisa laughed. “That’s an accurate description.”

“He’s ready. I know him, I know his ass. He’s ready. Please.”

Dean was right. Cas was absolutely ready, even more so now hearing the words, “I know him” come from Dean’s mouth. They did, didn’t they? They knew each other

“Cas flip onto your back,” Jo said. Cas rolled over, lube sticky between his thighs. Dean was still on his knees in front of him, and Lisa and Jo were standing back from there. Lisa was still completely dressed, while Jo was wearing just a pair of black panties. Lisa’s hand was down the front of them, and Jo was bracing herself against Lisa. It gave him a dirty thrill that he may have been turning them, not only Dean, on with his actions.

“Do I get to fuck him?” Dean asked.

“You want to?” Lisa replied.

Dean hesitated, which made Cas feel a little sick to his stomach. Did Dean _not_ want him like that anymore? What the hell was this?

“Not here,” Dean whispered. “Not like this.”

Cas felt it in his bones, holding him down, grounding him. It was a promise. _Somewhere else. When we’ve talked. When it’s just the two us._

“Well,” Lisa said, “Why don’t you mark him another way then? Start at his jaw and make a line of bruises with your mouth. Start at his hip and then work up to his jaw. Don’t touch his cock or his lips, Dean and Cas, don't touch Dean at all. I’ll be right back; Jo will watch you two.”

Cas swallowed as Lisa slipped through the chiffon curtain and a mostly naked Jo stepped even closer. “Go on Dean,” she said. “Let everyone know who he belongs to.”

Dean surged forward with a growl, bracketing his hands on either side of Cas’s body. He was still fully clothed, which made Cas feel even more naked as Dean’s lips met the thin skin of his hip. Cas groaned and arched into the touch. He could feel Dean smiled against him.

Dean was talented and made short work of Lisa’s request, trailing a curving line of red bruises across his body. He even threw in his own design as he looped around Cas’s nipple up his neck and to his jaw. Cas was so entranced by Dean’s wet mouth on him, he hadn’t seen Lisa come back until Dean pulled away from him with a heavy sigh.

“He looks good like that,” Lisa said casually. She handed something to Dean, but it happened really quickly so he didn’t see what it was. Jo grabbed the lube bottle off the bed and handed it to Dean.

“You think you can fit all those in there?” Jo asked.

When Dean lifted it closer to Cas, he could see they were purple glass beads. A long strand with some pretty damn huge beads. Dean kissed the inside of Cas’s leg.

“He’s good. He can take anything for me, can’t you angel? Answer me.”

“You can put anything you want inside me. Whatever you want, whenever you want.”

“Damn,” Jo said. Lisa laughed.

“He’s perfect, isn’t he?”

Dean pressed the first bead into Cas’s ass without any extra lube. Cas yelped more from surprise than pain. He did the same with the second one. He was shaking like crazy now; he couldn’t help it. Cas was stretched out a bit from his own fingers, but it had been a while so there wasn’t much lube left. Only a little.

“Can I put all these inside you dry?”

“Yes, Dean. Whatever you want.” Cas didn’t hesitate. If Dean wanted him to take them without any extra lubricant then that’s what he’d do.

Dean pushed the next one in. He squeaked; that one actually did hurt, but Cas liked some pain in his sex, so he definitely wasn’t complaining or asking Dean to stop.

“Shit, Dean. Are you sure?” Lisa said, her voice gravelly.

Dean didn’t respond to her. “You’d really let me, wouldn’t you angel?”

“Of course.”

“You’re amazing.”

Cas felt cool lube being poured over his ass. When Dean pushed in the next one, it went easily. Dean had probably lubed that one up too. Cas was almost disappointed he wasn’t shoving them in dry, but this definitely felt much better.

Everything went blurry as Dean slipped the slick beads in and out of him. Pulling them slowly out one at a time, then pushing them all back in. He could barely see the outlines of Lisa and Jo as they touched and kissed each other behind them. It was nice that they were there, to help ease them back into each other without thought or fear of screwing up, but now that Dean’s hands were on him and taking such good care of him, Cas was just all tangled up in Dean and tangled up in the hot, delicious desire that bubbled between them. Arousal pumped through Cas faster and faster and faster. He had every one of the beads inside him when Dean slid over his body and whispered in his ear.

“I missed you. I missed you so much I could hardly breathe. I kept living, but I also kept wanting you back. I wanted you again from the moment you left, Cas. Letting you leave…I never should’ve let you leave.”

Cas opened his mouth to speak, but Dean kissed him quiet. When Dean pulled away, he smirked, “You’re beautiful when you’re full.”

Dean slid back down Cas’s body and pulled the beads all out at once. The words Dean had just said combined with the slick pull of each bead had Cas shouted and coming without warning, creaming Dean’s face. Dean’s mouth was wide open, come dripping into his mouth from his lip. Cas knew that face. Dean had just come too.

They laid there together for a moment, just panting as they heard Lisa and Jo groan and gasp behind them as they came on each other’s fingers. When the air in the room calmed, Dean just started to laugh.

“What?” Lisa asked.

“And to think, for the longest time you girls didn’t even know I was into dudes, and now you just watched me come untouched in my pants for one.”

Lisa just snorted, and Jo shook his head. They all got redressed.

Cas found himself unafraid to ask this, which surprised him. “If you want, Dean. My apartment is only about an hour away. Near the hotel.”

“Yes, I’d love to.”

“Well, Dean, we’ll see you around then,” Jo said, exchanging a look with Lisa.

“Yep, guess you will.” He gave them a goofy grin.

“Hey, Cas. Will you have clothes for me to borrow?”

Cas grinned at him. He still couldn’t believe this had happened. He knew that had so much to work out, so much to still find out about each other, and catch up on, but now they would get the chance to see if maybe, just maybe, they could work it out. That said, Cas began to worry, not really anything had changed from before, had it? They were still long distance, which was something Cas knew he just couldn’t do. Cas shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that right now.

“Oh, what’ll you need clothes for?” Cas asked with a smirk.

Dean shoved his shoulder. “Shut up, man.” But he was grinning. Cas couldn’t wait to take Dean home, and see what they could come up with there.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So folks, here it is. Sorry it's been a bit later than I had wanted. I'd been having a lot of trouble writing it (plus gishwhes, at which i was a miserable failure) and think I didn't realize how close I was to the end so I was avoiding subconsciously bc I've loved this fic and I've loved you all. Wasn't ready to let go. The last chapter.
> 
> Though there will be a longer (probably like 5000 words) smutty smutty epilogue that will be a kink fest and get into some of the stuff that was mentioned but never actually done in earlier chapters ;) Maybe some timestamps too you never know.
> 
> Thank you guys so so much for all the support and love and comments and readership. Thank you for putting up with my occasional slow posting, typos and mistakes. And for putting up with me. Thank you for seeing Dean and Cas through to the end, as they always see each other.
> 
> <3 Y'all rock, lovelies.

The trip back to Cas’s apartment was less awkward than Cas expected despite the fact that they didn’t talk much about things that mattered. It seemed like both of them just wanted an opportunity to sit in the other’s presence, to fill in the gaps that had been so vacant since they’d last seen each other. Well, that was how Cas was feeling, he really had no way of being entirely certain how Dean felt.

It was late. The sky was dark but for the stars and a cloud-hazy moon. Cas knew he should be tired because he’d been up for so long and been through quite a bit physically and emotionally, but he was buzzed, a live wire. Dean was finally so close to him, the opportunity of more, floating around them. It was an unknown kind of adrenaline rush.

All the way, they listened to music and talked about the construction on C-470 and gas prices. It should’ve been strange, uncomfortable small talk, but it didn’t feel like that, it felt like warmth and familiarity – just being together, the average and mundane being turned into something so vibrant and real in the presence of how he felt for Dean. A feeling that hadn’t faded in the least in all this time. His feelings had been much more like a dormant volcano just waiting for the kind of seismic activity that could cause an eruption. Dean was the very right kind.

So yes, Cas was erupting with every good feeling and good hope imaginable, all of the ones he’d never really allowed himself. Cas wasn’t who he was a year ago. He was stronger, and self assured - in many ways, thanks to his time with Dean. He wasn’t going to let this, them, go anymore. Wasn’t going to let time or space or circumstance dictate what he had with Dean.

Only he and Dean had any right to do that.

When Cas pulled into the parking space outside his apartment, Dean waited for Cas as he walked around the front of his Lincoln. Dean and Cas interlocked feelings, a jolt of something, not desire or lust or passion, but something much more like love shocked through Cas’s skin. As the sensation calmed, they walked hand and hand to the front door. Cas hated having to let go of that fantastic touch to open the lock, but at the same time, he could just tell they had all the time in the world to do all the touching either of them could want. All the time still probably wouldn’t be enough.

Cas flipped on the light in his living room and shut the door behind them. Dean looked around.

“Nice,” Dean said. “Digging the paint color.”

Warmth burned in Cas’s chest and cheeks. “Thanks. My brother and I did it. Not long after…” Cas cut himself off; he wasn’t sure if they were ready to talk about that time yet or if they just wanted to enjoy each other for a few more moments.

“You got anything to drink man? I’m totally parched.”

Cas nodded. “Coffee, diet coke. Some Angry Orchard.”

Dean sat down on Cas’s couch and looked perfectly content – as if he was always meant to be in that exact spot. In Cas’s home. It made Cas’s stomach flutter. He’d forgotten what it was like to feel this way and this much. “Angry Orchard would hit the spot. Thanks.”

“Of course, Dean.” Cas grabbed two crisp apple Angry Orchards from the refrigerator, opened them and hurried back into the living room. He sat down beside Dean, legs touching. Dean took a sip of his hard cider.

“I missed you,” Cas blurted. “So much. Every day.”

Dean just stared at him and suddenly Cas felt kind of sick. Had he misread this whole situation? But Dean just laid a hand on Cas’s thigh and squeezed. “Me, uh, me too.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to the hotel?”

Dean shrugged, letting go of Cas’s leg. “I don’t know. I wanted to see you, but what if I had called and you said you didn’t want me to come or that you were seeing someone else…you’re not seeing someone else are you?”

Cas laughed and shook his head. “No, I’m not.”

“Good.” Dean blushed. “Me either…speaking of which, was tonight strange?”

Cas scratched at the back of his neck. He wasn’t entirely sure he had processed what happened with Jo and Lisa earlier, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t experienced in most sexual things because he was. There was very little new territory he could tread, at least physically. Emotionally, there was a lot of new territory, especially regarding his feelings toward Dean. “It was a little strange. I think we needed it though. Helped to sort of break through everything and then be able to talk about our issues before we, you know, decide to continue or not.”

Dean took another long drink of the cider. “So we should talk then, right? About this last year? About the next one?”

Cas let out a stream of tense breath through his lips. “I imagine so. What has been going on in your life Dean? Tell me, please.”

“Good things, actually. I mean, like I’m not in the closet anymore. Not everyone knows, but most people and I’m certainly not hiding. It’s just that coming out is more of a uh…”

“Continual process?” Cas added.

Dean huffed his approval. “Yeah. More of a continual process than I imagined.”

“And they’ve been okay with it?”

“The people who matter have.”

That’s how it was for Cas too. There had been some grandparents and aunts and uncles with an issue. But his dad and Gabriel had never cared and that was what was important to him.

Cas realized he hadn’t had anything to drink yet so he took a sip of his own cider. “Oh, by the way, how did things work out with Sam and Jess?”

Dean laughed. “Good. Complicated. They’re married now. Ran off to Vegas, though I got to come. It’s how Jo met Lisa actually. Lisa had been an employee of Jess’s ex-husband. Lisa, who I had a thing with like once, years back – it wasn’t anything – but when I ran into her again, we realized the connection with Jess….long story short, boy did she have some stuff on Jess’s ex. Stuff he really didn’t want getting out to the public. Not long after that, the divorce was finalized.”

Cas was really happy that everything had worked out so well for Sam. He seemed like a nice guy, but then Cas realized something about Dean’s story. “The diner where you used to work?”

“Heh, you caught that.” Dean shifted. Cas really hoped he hadn’t upset Dean or embarrassed him. He certainly wished Dean hadn’t lost his job, but of course, Cas would help out in any way that Dean would accept if he had.

“I did. Is everything all right?”

“There’s another thing. Jo and Lisa are my friends but that’s not the reason I’m at their wedding. At least that I’m here with them now, I guess.”

Cas tilted his head. “Well, then what is?”

 

“I own a bakery. We have like an actual store and stuff, but we do weddings and parties and whatever else. It’s not a big operation or anything, but I, I love it.”

Cas grinned widely. He could see the pride radiating from Dean. He looked proud. Dean deserved to be proud.

“The pies. The wedding information said Jo and Lisa wanted pie.”

Dean smiled back at Cas. “I make excellent pie.”

“You’ll have to show me sometime,” Cas said. Cas could think of a few good things he and Dean could do to a pie - like use each other as plates.

“I intend to,” Dean replied. “So what’s been going on with you?”

Cas recounted the last year, how he’d worked on doing more things with Gabriel and his family. How he’d learned how to cook a bit and fixed up his apartment. How he’d tried new clothes and new food. His soul-searching mission didn’t seem quite as important in the face of Dean’s business and coming out, but Cas told Dean anyway because Dean looked like he really did care.

“It seems like we both did all right without each other,” Dean said quietly.

“We did.”

Dean paused, looked up at Cas. Those bright green eyes that matched his walls latched onto him. Cas would be happy if he never had to stop looking. “Want you anyway.”

Tingles rushed through Cas’s whole body. “I want you too, Dean.”

The moment was nice because it was easy and slow. Their faces just sort of came together, not rushed in any way. Cas melted into the feel of Dean against his lips, Dean’s tongue pressing inside his mouth. It was warm, like flushed skin, until it was hot like fire. Until Dean was groaning and biting at Cas’s bottom lip. Cas’s hands tugged at Dean’s white shirt, pulled out until the fabric comes loose from his belt. He wanted to touch everywhere. No part of Dean should exist that hadn’t known what it felt like it be touched by him.

Dean pulled Cas on top of him, and Cas went easily, adoring the feel of Dean writhing below. Their hands roamed over each other’s bodies, touching any place that they could manage. Slowly, piece by piece, they removed the clothing that separated them. After so long, Dean’s freckles, his skin, his beautiful, wonderful skin was bared to Cas again.

They were both hard and straining, but somehow that was the least important part of all of this.

He kissed up Dean’s chest, loving every inch of his body, even the parts Dean didn’t love. Cas loved it all. He loved it because he loved Dean. He loved him. The last time one of them said it – it ended in catastrophe and separation. Maybe Cas was out of his mind to say this now, but how could he not? How could he not say how he really feels with Dean’s naked body slip-sliding against his own? They were not technically even having sex. They are just touching, rubbing, exploring. Their skin melting together like sweet, hot butter. Without design. Forehead pressed to Dean’s, breaths mixing, Cas knew he couldn’t just not say it:

“I love you, Dean.”

Cas’s heart stopped as he waited for Dean’s reply.

“Love you too, Cas. Love you.” As he said it, it felt inevitable.

Dean leaned up to kiss Cas again, but Cas didn’t give enough to allow it. Not yet. “I loved you then. I need you to know that. When you said it before, even then, I loved you. Forgive me, Dean.”

Dean frowned. “I can forgive you under one condition.”

Cas tensed all over. “Anything.” Truly anything. He’d do anything to get to keep Dean, to keep knowing him and loving him and doing life with him.

Dean swallowed and stared right up at Cas like they really had to see each other for this. Maybe they did.

“Love me now,” Dean said.

Cas smiled and kissed Dean, deep and sure.

_Love you now._

_Love you tomorrow._

_Love the day after that._

_Love you forever._

Suddenly it didn’t seem so hard. Whatever came, between the two of them, they could work out the kinks.


End file.
